All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

  In my mind

Apr 08, 2011 - 2 comments
Tags:

mind

,

Hope

,

Heart

,

daughter

,

confused

,

Love

,

Life

,

Grieving



281608?1302635151
Our minds have a way of knowing,

Sometimes we forget for very good reasons,

When we've humbly hit, our very own "mental over load"!

Memories often come, and shall soon fade away,

Before the dawn of a brand new day.

Waking from sleep, Alarmed and confused,

Knowing in your heart, It's all about to start!



The longing I feel, This hole in my heart,

Grows bigger and larger, tearing me apart!

I feel great confusion, Making me so damn irate,

Asking God Almighty, "Why didn't you take  me away instead?"

This is way too  early-So soon for her to departure.



I'm down on my knees sobbing and praying,

Asking, desperately pleading, "Please God, show me the way?"

To find some comfort and peace, to feel it inside of  this heart.



This, A broken shattered heart, that has started to hate!

Please fill this hole, for my soul is truly  lacking gentle calm peace.

If only someone can tell me, Why he didn't take me instead?

Nearly shouting my prayers to God,

"Please God won't you  show me a way to simply cope??"

To find some comfort and peace deep in my soul.



My broken shattered heart, That's now  started to hate!  

Please fill this hole, for my soul is really oozing from it.

Leaving me drained and empty,with no more strength to go on.



If only someone can tell me, Why he didn't take me instead,

Some soothing great comfort, would surely find me  I pray!

Please tend and mend me, this broken, bruised up  heart.....

For the love and the Memory, Of my beautiful daughter Hope.

Never oh never, let her laughter fade away,And always remember

The love she had in Her tiny, yet little brave, young heart...no longer beating!

And I'd like to thank her for being, a part of my life....Amen!



Lost Hope...May i surrender?

Finally.......We found it "It being: real genuine love"

Apr 08, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

finally

,

real

,

Love

,

Heart

,

Hope

,

TIME

,

beings

,

scared



281605?1302244560
These emotions are tense-

as they run straight through my soul.

The love I have for you is deep-

deeper than the blood flows.

The hopes I have thrive-

farther as time goes by.

New fears do tend to grow-

for you the need reaches so far.

I'm scared of never knowing-

what its like to lay in your arms.

Fears of wanting you more-

and my heart being torn apart .

Selfish parts of my being-

know you've changed me forever more.

Being scared to the core-

of giving my intimate soul.

I'm purely petrified of-

denying you of your forever needs.

This love that I've grown for you....

is way deeper than I thought It'd ever go.

The only reassurance I could ever offer you-

is that tomorrow I'm really sure will

give me one more day to know....

Who I am willing and able to love-

for all the tomorrows we shall know!

Is God slamming doors in our face....Or are we running into them head first?

Apr 08, 2011 - 2 comments
Tags:

God

,

firsts

,

door

,

Running

,

how?

,

Pain

,

suffering

,

Grieving

,

Death

,

friends

,

Friendship



281603?1302465395
Okay! I've been through hell & back here on earth. In 1996 my 4 month old baby was killed, CPS took my other children while investigating her death.2 months later her daddy admitted to killing her....



For the next 5 years.......I emotionally died & buried my self with my baby. I have no memories of my other 2 children(the oldest was 20 months and the other was my deceased babies twin) I couldn't tell you when the surviving twin started crawling,walking,talking-NONE OF HER 1ST. I have absolutely NO good & fond memories,the only memories I can lay claim to is the HELL I was living in!



And one day (a little over 5 years later) I just "woke the hell up". I hope nor NO one else ever gets sentenced to "that kind of hell on earth".



soooooooooo, what did I did? I started really "feeling" and "living" and "learned how to be". I'd say for the 1st time ever. Since I knew what it was like to be living in hell, I decided I was the only ONE who could do something about it!



Yes, I still cry for my lost baby-On the other hand, I reach out to those who have suffered this lose. I cry as I tell my story-not b/c of my loss,but b/c ppl have NO IDEA how "good" they have things in life!



So u ask a/b who's slamming the doors?? And I think, If we FAIL to reach out to others and perhaps fail to learn his lessons-THEN IT IS WE WHO HAS SLAMMED THE DOOR OR MANY DOORS

One Day......

Apr 08, 2011 - 1 comments
Tags:

one day

,

learning

,

Pain

,

child

,

Life

,

Love

,

friends

,

sick

,

people



281601?1313665410
One day someone special will be gone. I vow to not to take this for granted- what are you going to do? .?
One day someone special will be gone. And on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of your bedroom, you might be struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. No more hugs, no more lucky moments to celebrate together,



One day someone special will be gone. And on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of your bedroom, you might be struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

No more hugs, no more lucky moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat,

No more "just one minute."



Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away. Never to return before we can say good-bye, Say "I Love You." So while we have it, it's best we love it and care for it and fix it when it's broken

and take good care of it when it's sick. This is true for marriage and friendships and children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we cherish them! Some things we keep -like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with.



There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what. Life is important and so are the people we know. And so, we keep them. And we tell them NOW that WE LOVE THEM before the moments gone And lost forever! Love is kind...In many forms, with lots of different emotions..And when it's gone-It's just GONE and isn't any longer! I vow to not be like that. I LOVE YOU!



Tell me about yourself!

I NEVER TAKE A SECOND FOR GRANTED, WILL NOT EVER LEAVE A LOVED ONE W/O SAYING "I LOVE YOU MORESOTHANYOUKNOW!" AND I ALWAYS LOOK FOR ASSETS RATHER THAN FAULTS-Are not all human? Love ya`ll LIVE IT RIGHT, FOR THIS MOMENT!