So I have had a couple times since Morgan was born on December 13th where I thought my supply was dwindling but now I am fairly certain of it as it has been so low the last few days and my breasts are rarely engorged anymore when she goes to eat again.  I am worried that 1) she is not getting enough to eat, and 2)  that I am "drying up."

Morgan has been eating on-demand for several weeks now and it goes just fine most times as I never feel like I don't have anything to give her.  However, the last couple days, I just feel like not much is coming out because I have to switch sides before she seems satisfied (it used to satisfy her to only eat from one side) and because my breasts just feel almost saggy because they don't feel "full," even after about 2 or 3 hours since her last feeding.  

She eats typically every 2 to 3 hours, sometimes more frequently except at night where she usually sleeps from 8 p.m. to 2-3 a.m., then eats, then sleeps until 6 or 7 a.m. and eats again.  My breasts the last two nights have not been engorged when it's been time to feed her (though they feel somewhat full) and I'm worried it might be running out because usually I am waking up because milk has leaked out by then.

I bought some oatmeal (microwave kind) and the herbal supplement, Fenugreek, today and took two capsules (it recommends one or two per day).  These are the only two things I know of to increase my supply aside from trying to pump/feed Morgan more to give my breasts a clue that I need to produce more.  I am going to try pumping at least every 3 hours (even at night since I don't have to work) and see how it goes but if you have ANY other safe advice, please let me know as soon as you can!  Thank you all so much!

This just started probably Sunday or Monday this week but Morgan's temperment has changed quite suddenly and I am concerned something is wrong but have no idea what it could be.  She has all of a sudden become inconsolable (sp?) whether it be while in the middle of playing, someone holding her (including me or daddy), or whatever.  Nothing seems to stem her crying and screaming (sometimes very shrill screaming), she just starts a fit!  Now sometimes I could maybe attribute it to being tired because I can note that she's been awake for a couple hours or so (she usually sleeps after being awake for around two or three hours).  However, it is getting to the point where it is not that likely she is sleepy that often.

Also, when I try to get her to nap during the day, she is quite difficult to put down because of the fits she is throwing.  I often have to bundle her in a blanket, rock and bounce her in my arms, "shhh" her a little, hold her pacifier in her mouth, and hold her tightly against me because her arms and legs are thrashing too much for her to calm down.  This usually only lasts a minute or two before she starts to calm and falls asleep.

I also, of course, try feeding her when she starts these fits but that is never what she wants whether I try a bottle of breastmilk or from the breast itself.  She just screams as the nipple is near/in her mouth and never takes hold of it.

Possibly related to this, she did not gain weight from Feb. 14th - Feb. 21st (I go to a breastfeeding class to weigh her each week).  This is quite unusual for her because she has been gaining between 4 and 8 ounces each week which is what my doctor recommends for babies her age (0-3 months).  She is at about the 75th percentile for weight so I'm not concerned she's not healthy, just that she didn't gain anything.

I try to think of what my diet might entail that is upsetting her too as she tends to have quite loud and full bowel movements (going on for probably 5 or 6 weeks now).  I eliminated coffee for about 4 days thinking maybe it was having a laxative affect on her but it did not help.  I have not introduced any new foods into my diet this past week (or really since I had her) and I don't eat spicy foods nor does she get any formula.

I thought it might be teething since she's been drooling since 9 weeks old (she's almost 11 weeks) and sucking on her hand/thumb more often but not mouthing toys yet.  I tried giving her 1.25 mL of Tylenol one night (her dosage is 1.7mL) to see if that was why she was fussing but still an hour or two later, she had another episode.

I feel like there is just nothing to pinpoint her frustrations but as her mommy and primary caregiver, I feel like something isn't right.  Babies nearing 12 weeks are supposed to be easing on colic symptoms, not getting worse, and I would never say she had colic in the first place.  Today I started tracking her naps, BMs, and eating habits again so I can call the doctor's office on Monday but I just don't know what they will say as she doesn't have fevers or vomiting or really much gas at all.  

Any advice or ideas on why she might be getting so upset?  Love you guys!

So as some of you know, I was scheduled to be induced on the 12th of December.  We didn't get to check in until around 6:30 p.m. and they started the Cytotek (spelling?) around 8 p.m. where they insert 1/4 a pill vaginally every 4 hours.  They told me sometimes this starts contractions/labor by itself but if it didn't, they'd start me on petocin (spelling?) at 7 a.m. on the 13th of December.  

I got a sleeping med around 9 p.m. and I remember them coming in around midnight for the second Cytotek dose but my husband said only about 30 minutes later, I started having contractions and was in pain.  I don't know if I was in so much pain or was so sleepy or both but I don't recall much of this part except it hurt a lot yet I was still able to actually doze off between contractions -- the nurses and doctor were impressed!  In any case, I was going to try for a natural birth but around 5 cm, I asked for some pain medicine (but not an epidural).  They gave me some and, again, I don't recall much except I don't think things got any better aside from me feeling even more out of it than before.  I think at this point it was around 5 or 6 a.m. and they said I was at 8 cm.  I asked if it was too late for an epidural and they had to check since I was close but they ended up approving it and I felt SO much better (duh)!  

However, the epidural, as I'd been warned on MH, worked so well, I couldn't feel when it was time to actually push.  I tried and I tried for 3 or 4 hours of pushing but the baby was barely moving down, the epidural was wearing off, and my doctor came in to talk to me about the dangers of shoulder distortion if we proceeded vaginally.  He said we could keep trying, and they could maybe even do another epidural, but he would only advise about another 30 minutes of pushing because it was putting some stress on the baby.  He was great in acknowledging that he knew I wasn't thrilled about a c-section and that it was my choice.  My husband and I talked briefly and decided to not risk anything else in regard to our baby and settled on the c-section.

At this point, it was around 1 p.m. on the 13th when I went into the operating room and I was very out of it still.  A doctor came in to administer whatever it is they give you to numb you for a c-section and, of course, I couldn't feel a thing.  My husband was by my side most of the time (they made him wait while they set some things up I guess plus he had to put scrubs on over his clothes) and at some point, I started shivering like crazy with my teeth chattering and all (apparently this is a normal reaction to major surgery).  I just could not get warm so I couldn't focus on anything but trying to control my shaking upper half!  

Not too long later though, I heard the medical staff talk about the baby and her good size and they held her up over the curtain so Luke and I could see her.  She was beautiful (with a little bit of a conehead) and TONS of dark hair like her daddy!  My doctor jokingly said, "Hey mom!  Look at my head!"  And Luke and I laughed.  They took her back and got her crying and that's when I started to cry with relief and happiness.  My husband said his eyes welled up too but I couldn't tell since I was still shaking and crying myself.  They weighed her in at 8 pounds, 11 ounces and 21 3/4 inches long.  Dad went with them and the baby and they finished up with me and got me into the recovery area where Luke was waiting with our baby under a warming light.  She was already ready to eat and I was able to nurse her right away -- she latched so well which was something I was worrying about leading up to this!

Since I finally got to take a look at her then, Luke and I decided that the name we had picked out before she was born was a good fit for her and named her Morgan Olivia.  Coincidentally, my OB's name is Dr. James Morgan and his nurses thought we named our daughter after him.  We didn't, but that's okay, he can think that because he was a great doctor and we have a beautiful baby girl to show for all the years of heartache and waiting that we went through.  :)  

Thank you all for your positive messages, thoughts, and prayers in getting us through this time.  I know I came to MH right before we conceived (after 3 years of trying) so you didn't see the darkest of my days in the TTC battle but it was very real and very trying.  It has helped me heal by being able to be there for those of you still trying and I wish I could tell you when and if it is going to happen for each one of you because I know it doesn't make sense and sometimes the pain is just unbearable.  Please try and hang in there though because there is meaning in each of our lives, even if we don't get to be parents I think.  I know it's easier said than done now that we have our baby but know you are loved and that sometimes we just have to wait for the answers to our prayers.  Thank you again for all you've done for me and I hope to continue to be a resource for those who need it and am so excited to the good news that will come to you over the next days, weeks, months, or years.  It is worth the wait and I pray that your wait ends soon.

Love,
Kimberleigh

Update Dec. 6, 2011:  Well, as you all know, the doctor has put me on bedrest (or at least modified bedrest) with all the stress at work and the size of the baby.  I believe I also wrote a comment on this journal to indicate that I had filed a complaint with my company's Human Resource (HR) department and with the government's Equal Employment Opportunity Council (EEOC) to document and hopefully help fix all the discrimination issues my company was causing with me.

The complaint with HR was responded to but was leading nowhere because it was just a bunch of people (though never the two people who were causing all the issues) talking about what happened but not coming up with any solutions & they kept telling me I just need to "grow a thicker skin" to deal with all the criticism I had been receiving.  (Even though a lot of the "criticism" I was receiving were exaggerations or out-right lies about my performance at work).

As far as the EEOC, like many government agencies, they are somewhat slow to respond and seem to give the alleged offender (my employer) months to build their case and try to respond to my complaints.  Finally though, I was able to tell my employer that I wished for them to respond to the EEOC by letting the EEOC mediate our case and help walk us through how to mend the relationship at work.  However, a few days before we were going to meet with the EEOC in person, I went out on medical leave so my employer said we'd need to reschedule because "if I can't be at work for medical reasons, I shouldn't be able to attend a meeting with the EEOC for my medical reasons."  

Fine.  So we pushed the mediation back to Dec. 7th and were going to do a conference call tomorrow even though I objected that I may be induced early.  However, I get a phone call this morning from the EEOC saying my company's attorney needs to reschedule AGAIN for some lame reason and now they want a letter from my doctor saying it's okay for me to even do a conference call since I have "medical issues."

I am (very likely) DAYS from giving birth to our miracle and I feel my employer is just trying to brush this whole thing under the rug.  They don't know I'm not planning on coming back after work but they may have an idea that I won't so I feel like they are doing anything they can to procrastinate in hopes that I just throw up my hands and drop this whole case.  I don't want to do this but my GOD, this is ridiculous!  I just want to address this issue before we have our daughter and get it over with and I don't want them to get away with this!  

I am just disgusted with my employer and can't believe they would be this horrible about resolving an issue like this so I can have our baby in peace!  I really just need some encouragement to keep on fighting them on this because I truly feel what the two bosses did was wrong.  I just don't want to keep on causing un-due stress to myself though by having this case drag on forever.  Please, just a few words of wisdom/encouragement would mean so much to me right now!  My husband is very supportive but I know he's just as sickened by them as I am right now.

Thank you!



work is not going well.  I think they are trying to get me to quit or build a case to fire me. They cut out my bonuses today & my boss has made allegations that are untrue or embellished to make me look bad to his boss.  I know that the U.S. is a very litigious society but my husband and I are beginning to put together the fact that, since I got pregnant and told them the news at work, things have gone downhill in several ways.

I just started this job in mid-November 2010.  Before I had told them I was pregnant (I didn't tell them until mid-June), I was granted a bonus after only 2 months, then an increase to that monthly bonus right before I told them I was pregnant.  Since mid-June, when I told them, I can no longer seem to do anything right and any "mistake" I make is blown way out of proportion.  For example, they have made claims that "I didn't fax something that I should have faxed" or "I didn't change an address on a client's account" when they told me to.  The first claim regarding the fax was totally fabricated and luckily, I had documentation to support that I had faxed the item.  When I proved it to them, they said nothing and offered no apology for their oversight/accusation.

Regarding changing the client's address (which I was just accused of today), they copied me on the e-mail they sent to another co-worker "Barb" and they said "Hey Barb, Please change the address on client's account to ......"  So they didn't even tell ME to change it, just copied me on the e-mail, AND Barb has been gone for 3 days since they sent this e-mail and is the ONLY one in our office who has the ability to change an address yet I am getting blamed for the address not getting changed...

There are many other examples such as they tell me to run a report for them a particular way.  I do this and give it to them.  Then they ***** because they say I did it wrong when I did it the way they just told me to do it.  They then tell me a DIFFERENT way to run the report and claim they don't know where I ever got the directions for the other way.  This has happened multiple times.

Today, they took me aside yet again to berate me and tell me all I'm doing wrong.  This time, however, they tell me that they are also taking away my bonus until/unless I can do better.  Before, I was scheduled to receive up to 4 bonus increases and they were supposed to review my progress every 3 months to determine this.  Like I said, the first time, I got the bonus before my 3rd month.  The second increase came at about 7 months.  The third review (I think) happened but no bonus was mentioned at all so I figured, "I guess I have to work harder for the next review."  But now they are taking it away completely.

They are making my worklife miserable and I am stressing out a lot over this.  This whole week (aside from Tuesday when I called in sick because I couldn't take another day of being reprimanded) I have cried in the bathroom at work at least 3 times a day.  This is NOT how I normally react to criticism at work.  

My husband and I are really beginning to think this is becoming a theme and that they are trying to get rid of me.  They are probably hoping that I quit so they don't have to pay unemployment or short-term disability benefits (when I have the baby).  I hate to make it sound like a conspiracy on their part but I have NEVER been treated like this at work in my life and I have zero history of being called out on "mistakes" like this to this degree.  Sure, I am not perfect and I have had critiques during reviews at former jobs but never like this.

I am trying to document the lies they make up and continue to do my job but it is getting harder and harder to go to work and not worry about what will happen that day.  I was so sick with worry today I could barely eat or stop crying==both things I know are not good for our baby.  My husband is SO supportive and is on my side no matter what (and is leaning towards just having me quit).  I don't want to do this though in some ways because I don't want these jerks to think they were right about me.  However, I can't take this stress much longer and the more lies they make up, the more I start to wonder if it really is me who is the problem.

Thank you for reading this and PLEASE give your advice if you have ever been in a similar spot or knew someone who went through this.  I am desparate for help on this subject.