Nov 06, 2014
I was thinking about how kurt like, got at the audience he was getting at at a particular time in which it was receptive to him. I mean, I think for kurty it would have been that way at ANY time. but you know the what do you call it zeitgeist of the time was somehow a 'breeding' ground if you will ha ha ha for his particular amazing warped version of reality
I love kurt
sloppy lips to lips
your my vitamins
I like you
today is a good day for me. I am still tierd, you cant make up a decade of sleep overnite, but in general I feel better. group is ok. its led by Rudi, today, a chick. she ignores me. I have learned a lot about myself and substance abuse in t his program and for that reason I am so digging it. its educational and it addresses emotional issues. for me there is obviously a lot about group dynamics and my voice. it is so EASY for me to drop into the world of writing and my own head. I cede the floor like that. in a snap. and I see the reason is that my moms was like, silencing me in so many ways. particularly in expressing anger. so as a strong person I was like 'Oh ok. I cant talk about this or that feeling? then I will say nothing. I will show you how long I can be silent!"
and I try to make my silence speak louder than words.
but it doesn't work that way. it is the noisemakers of the world that get herd in everyday life. and that has presented a lot of problems for me that what could easily solve?
very good Meegy. using 101
Robby is So Hot omg. I know ... this is not why im here ... btw im home for lunk
(i alredy 8)
at break, up until which time I think I had uttered zero syllables, I walked out into the hot day and saw the rest of the group, about five people, smoking and talking. I looked over at them diffidently. I could see them watching me like Come on Meegan. and in that split second I was like : you have to force yourself to make contact or you will leave angry and hurt
so I did. I walked over there. as if I dint care and had no issues about it whatsoever. I don't need you fukkers
Robby was all over me, not cuz he likes me he realizes im a OLD lady lol , he wants me to succeed he is so very sweet he is like 'HELLO!"
im like hi
shuffle, look down
but I was doin it
and I talk to Cherry! omg she is that young girl that all the guys dig. she is mix race like white and Asian ya
and I go 'what is your shirt about tell me'
cuz she got Bob Plant shirt on! and its dope
it have a new band like the space ship shifters or something
she go "I saw them at the forum' and a convo ensued and she is like 'I can email you pix' and I am like YA
so that turned out allls good
and I went into the next session better
but Rudi still ignore me and I was like 'OK *** you' I wont say a word cuz she just SKIP me everyone notice it too!
and I aint. I aint said one goddam thing
I am trying my berry bess
I wll check you laters