there comes a time when even good things have to end. ya know? omg. I cant spend all my time defending myself maybe its just times to go ... well I aint gone yet so weel c prolly not
not gonna go that is
I had a dream that I was hanging out at this big beach house in cali here with a huge porch like this wooden porch. then an earthquake started and the water began coming in to the land. at first it wasn't deep I was running away and then I was standing and just watching it. people were floating on these like inner tubes and stuff
I woke up
the funniest part of the dream is that before the eq I was hanging out with someone in Motley Crue. so embarrassing. I never liked the Crue, I always went for Ratt, I was really into Warren deMartini omg so cute!
but the guy I was like talking to and 'stuff' in the dream was in MC but he Looked like Warren thank god I cant remember if he was wearing leather pants ... I think so ... ha ha
every day for the past year I have walked by all the pan in the grocery and like 'naw' but I do love certain kinds of pan. yesterday I bought 3 of them two was cigars and one was a crescent shape. the pan is all made different according to each bakery and I knew the ones I liked in my old hood ... it was the cigars. but here the crescent one was the best. so I was so into having one with coffee today but I ate the one crescent yesterday and the cigars I don't really like. so im back to coffee
whoa is me
I don't have much to report. I am unsure if I will go see my uncle, its kind of far, right near work, and I am worn out by the whole thing I know that sounds selfish. mainly I am worn out by my parents and my dad. its just really hard with them tho I do love them. my dad is going to explode if he continues like this. he has to calm down. I get my temper from him.
I wanted to go hiking today but so far I feel a little bit wack. I got up late, at ten. I think I slept at three. its a beauty day. this time is always weird for me, trying to wake up and get going
I was thinking, as always, about the ac and how our life was. sometimes I don't even remember and its fifteen years. I guess he is right towards the end it was bad. but why not try and work that through? mostly we fought cuz of his drinking and that he spent all his time with his folks and son. idk. its real weird. I remember we used to get up and go hang out in the living room, watching tv and he would make breakfast. he insisted that I eat breakfast. even during the week he would make me toast. weekends he made a lot of food anything you wanted.
but after we took the renters it was harder to have our time in the living room. I really think everything started to go bad after the renters. and he said that was My fault cuz I left LAUSD>
oh whatever. its over Meegy. move on.
last night S began to text me, in his inimitable style, relentlessly, cussing me out and telling me what a bad friend I was. this is bc I didn't answer his texts last night. cuz the last time we talked a few days ago he called me a mothertrucker and I ax him to apologin and he refused. then he told me to stop saying I loved him (as a friend, as ive said god knows I don't want him as a romantic interest) and he said "so what do you want?" like 'get away from me'
I know he is using but he is cogent enough to apologize and if he wants my love and support he has to treat me nicely. but he just goes on being verbally abusive and such.
I know! its my fault I shouldn't still be talking to him I know
just like my parents feel about my uncle right.
no Meegy that is different.
I know but S is still a good person trying to get out of the maniac he's trapped inside
at your expense
I can take it.
really .. so look at how your doing
I am watching a hunnid years in Tibet. look at Brad Pitt man that is just enuf elixir to soothe weary spirits. oh yeah baby do it in Tibet yeah like that
he is divine
member him in Thelma and Louise? oh my he was loving Thelma well. well, well, well!
see what's cookin here
certainly not food!
la la la la la