Sort By:  

stressed and worried

Aug 28, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Depression



Well, I am so stressed and worried about my bills, I started crying over it last night and then I almost started an arguement with my boyfriend for no reason other than the fact that I was upset with myself and needed to take it out on someone which isn't right at all.  I don't know why I behave like this, for a 41 year old, that's bad.  Mentality wise, I guess I'm younger than my years, that is why my bills never seem to get paid.  I'm tired of depending on my parents and the government for help.  I just want to be happy with myself for once in my life.  I'm not happy at all right now with myself and its making me depressed which keeps me from focusing on my goals.  I'm more worried about the finances than anything...my bills are higher than my income which is a fixed one which isn't much and is for depression which makes me more depressed, it's a catch 22 situation.  I need the help but I don't want to be on social security because I feel like a failure.  I was so worried last night my chest started to bother me I had sharp stabbing pain on the top of my left side of my breast and my right side of my face was tingly.  My health insurance won't pay for the last two doctors' visits which cost 70.00 each and I've been going there for years.  I switched my health insurance thinking it would be a great thing for me, I'm thinking I should have stayed with what I had...I worry too much about everything and it makes me sick to my stomach.  I have a lot of stomach issues.  I have a lot of  pain, bloating, swelling, gas, explosive gas, diarreah  and cramping every day.  Almost every day I have diarreah up to 5 times, that is a good day for me.  The most was 12 times.  I am sick of my life and want to change things for the better...I refuse to accept that this is how my life should be.  I didn't ask to live like this.  I wanted to be an author or a teacher...instead I'm a depressed single mother of one.  Yes, I have a boyfriend but we've only been dating for four months, he's only met my 13 year old son a handful of times.  I don't know why my life ended up like this...maybe cuz of my depression and I allowed that to control my every path and I ended up taking the wrong path but now Im starting to find the right path but every  now and then I make a wrong turn and have to start over...it's very frustrating.  

Mood Tracker