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Luctor Et Emergo

Dec 12, 2011 - 0 comments
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Addiction

,

Oxycontin

,

opana

,

Opiates

,

withdrawal



12/12/11
“If something is worth doing, its worth doing right”

I have been places, dark places;  I have fought with demons and battled devils in my mind.  I have done many things that I am not proud of and I have been a person that I did not want to be.  Although I have done those things, and have made mistakes the only thing that truly matters is here and now.  I will not blame tomorrow on yesterday and I have learned not to dwell in the anarchy of mistakes long sense passed for it will do no good to live in thoughts of shame.
My Name is Nicholas Patrick and I am 23 years old as I write this;  I am a father of a beautiful little girl named Jazzlyn that will be 3 this coming summer.  Aside from a father I have struggled as an Addict since I was 18 years old;  Prescription pain medication has almost been the death of me several times over.  As I already stated the things that I did in the past are in the past and I need only worry about today and right now.  Right now my focus is on remaining sober and pursuing a lifelong passion that I have always had:  Fighting.
Although I have come a long way since going to treatment over a year ago, I have not been clean the whole time and have struggled in random instances of relapse.  Some relapses stronger and more out of control than others, but for the most part I have been slowly progressing.  I do not want to slowly progress in my life anymore, battling constantly for a foothold in controlling my own life.  I have been working out and practicing MMA for nearly a year now and have lost a lot of weight and began to craft a new lifestyle but have been holding myself back because of the confliction with my other lifestyle as an addict.  Today is December 12 2011 and I have agreed to make a scheduled MMA Debut on April 7th of this coming spring.  Now that I have made that decision I have decided to do this right, to make the most of who I am and what I want to do in the cage.
As a joint effort between wanting to change my life for the better and helping enforce my goals with a new years resolution, I plan on a total transformation and crafting of the person that I am today and who I want to be tomorrow and the next day.  To pursue my passion as a fighter I have decided to abstain from Drinking and drugs of all kinds after the new year, in the meantime today will be the last day for smoking pot and taking pills.  I may drink on new years but drinking has not been a problem, but that’s not saying it very well couldn’t be with my personality as dependant on drugs as it is.
I plan on recording this transformation and writing somewhat of an Auto-biography of my struggle going all the way back to when things first started.  Now is the time, the time of all times for me to make a stand and fight for what I want in my heart. Out of the Ashes like a Phoenix I will Emerge

Leaving the past

Sep 13, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

withdrawal

,

oxycontin weight gaidone

,

Addiction

,

relapse prevention



This addiction has cost you so much already, you have done horrible things to people you claim to love and care about,  how much longer can you get away with being the master of deception and a natural con-artist?  things are catching up to you, you have worked so hard to get back on your feet from losing your last 2 jobs because of your opiate use......you are at a fork in the road, the withdrawal is overwith, you have done the worst so you can continue to live in this cycle that consist of three primary elements that make up your life: Broke, High, or in withdrawal, that is all that you worry about........now god has given you the chance for a liftetime career opportunity, you can throw that opportunity away, or you can stop today, let today be the last day, and then just worry about each single day after that.  Worry todays worries, because tomorrow will have worries of its own........You are a beautiful person inside that has so much passion for life and the things that make you who you are, people are naturally drawn to your charming sense of humor and energy for life, you are outgoing and gregarious, Intelligent and ambitious.  You have the chance to get out of this hell forever and pursue your dreams and aspirations........but if you continue to use, you will not have a chance  at a happy life, your daughter will lose the quality of a good and sincere father, you are not this person anymore, that person was your worst enemy, and you must fight that person second by second, for he will pour poison in your ear,  give you any exuse you will succumb to in order to get high, to get away.........Deal with lifes stresses head on, as soon as they occur, and remember Idleness is the devils playground, stay busy, continue training and fighting in MMA, keep your spirituality and grow with god, for he is the reason you are who you are, he alone knows all of your miraculousness for it was he who will guide you through this storm in spite of everything you have done, you must work for the rest of your life to overcome your sins, its time to learn to love yourself and the life that you lead.