This evening about 9:15 I got a call from the hospice house and the nurse said my Dad was breathing funny and wasn't responsive. She thought he might be nearing the end. I told her I'd call my Mom and we'd head over to her house since we have to pick her up anyway. Within minutes the phone rang again and the hospice nurse was in tears and was sorry to tell my my Dad had passed away. She was surprised. She said just an hour before he was alert, talking to her and took his medicine with no trouble. She checked on him an hour later and that's when she noticed he was breathing differently and called us. Within minutes he was gone.

We went over to pick up my Mom and I had to break the news to her. She was upset. All she could say was, "He wanted to die at home. I promised him." It is hard to think about that. Today we were all over there at the hospice house and were telling him how we were getting everything ready for him to come home tomorrow. He kept saying, "home, home." When we left he raised both hands like a child and waved bye-bye to us. Those are the things that stick with me now. I know he was happy with the idea of coming home and he had that to look forward to but his body just didn't hang on long enough.

Do I feel some guilt at sending him to the hospice house for those few days? Absolutely. But after my Mom's trip to the hospital that one night, he agreed that it might be a good idea because he knew we were getting tired and he kept apologizing. We wanted to care for him but were beginning to doubt our own ability to do it well. I know we tried our best but I wish we could have done more. His time was so short, just 3 weeks from the diagnosis from the oncologist.

So that is the news. Where we go from here, I don't know yet. I've never done this before and I have a lot to learn. Mostly, I miss my Dad.

Irene

I'll try to do a quick update. My Dad did a bit better for a few days, wanting to sit up, drinking more fluids. We still have to help him sit up, roll over, etc. We made a drinking bottle for him (a very small soda bottle, drilled a hole in the screw top just large enough for a straw). This gives him some independence with no mess. He holds onto that bottle all day, sips when he wants. He wanted to regain enough strength to go to the bathroom on his own but I think he knows that won't be possible. Now he can feel the end coming. Much harder to breathe than before, weaker, more tired. Hospice folks set up a hospital bed in the living room and we enjoy just being together, talking when he's able, watching (listening) to TV in the evening. Very simple pleasures and although it's been an exhausting week (we're living at their house now) I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Last night my Mom fell apart. My feelings are that she had a major anxiety attack. I took her to ER and spent the night with her there. Did all the tests and other than being a bit dehydrated she's OK. She refused to stay for more testing but she's still saying she thinks she's going to die. We got back to their house around 6 am, I slept 2 hours and now am taking a quick break at home.

The next few days will be even more challenging now that my Mom is melting down. I sure wish I wasn't an only child LOL but my husband has been there every minute. Anyway, time to pick up my Mom's potassium pills and head back. Sorry if this is a bit disjointed but my mind is taking a nap even if my body is still moving. I miss all you wonderful people on the boards and think of you often. When things settle down, I'll be back. Please take care of yourselves. Hugs to all. Irene

Today was another visit with the oncologist. He shared the results from the PET scan that was done on my Dad. It's quite clear that the cancer is well developed in the lungs, liver, lower spine, pelvis and femurs (stage 4 of course). He did say radiation in the lower back and pelvis might help with pain management for awhile. My Dad said the pain wasn't unbearable at this point. So the options were to do some radiation for a few weeks and then start hospice care (at which time radiation treatments would have to stop) or just go ahead with hospice care. My Dad opted for hospice care. Pain management using meds will be a part of that service. That will start as in-home care for awhile and then go to a hospice facility as his health fails and he's less able to get around. I think we're all pretty comfortable with that decision.

It was a long day so I'm going to unwind with a good book.

Not so good news here. I knew my Dad had cancer in the liver and lungs. The oncologist was very nice and asked my Dad first what he knew about his condition. Then the doc added what was missing. It seems there's cancer all through the lower spine, pelvis and femurs. That was a nasty surprise. Chemo is out because of his heart not to mention that the cancer is changing and doesn't seem to be just one type any more. It would be hard to target the cancer with the right chemo cocktail. The next step is to do a PET scan on Thursday to see if there's a specific area in the spine that is most localized. If so, they can do some radiation there. It won't cure anything but it may help the pain he's having. If it's as diffused as the rest of the cancer, then the only option is straight to hospice care. Either way, with or without radiation, hospice is going to be started at some point.

I know my Mom was pretty nasty when we were there. She wants my Dad to just go into a hospice facility now. When the doctor said that they could start hospice once a week at their house and increase as needed, I thought she'd explode. The doc said to my Dad that with the family support he has, there's no need to go into full time hospice care right now. I (silently) agree with him but it sure made my Mom mad. She was fussing and fuming all the way home.

And while we were waiting there was a young woman with her husband that came in. It looked like she had gone through brain surgery from the scars on her head. But her hair was growing out now and looked spiky. My Mom was grumbling about how weird she looked. I said she may have had chemo and her hair is just coming back in. My Mom still went on about how weird it was in the back and why did she wear it like that? Then the doctor came out and was talking to the woman. He even gave her bristles a little pat and they laughed together. That really annoyed my Mom and she said he better not be patting her. I again said the woman is probably just thankful to have some hair to pat. She didn't get it.

Not much fun to be around her. My Dad tried to hold her hand as they walked out to the car and she was just irritated and pulled away. Argh!