Ok, I've done the laundry and my will. Tomorrow is surgery day and I can't sleep. I took that laxative I was supposed to and it is gross!  I even tried holding my breath and pinching my nose, still made me want to barf.  I'm hungry now, but nauseous at the same time.  I'm nervous.  I wish I could take my computer to the hospital so I can write in my journal as things are happening.  My husband is going with me.  My aunt and sister are staying with my son and my mom will go to the hospital as soon as she's done with work.  My best friend and a cousin of mine are going to see me too.  I think I'm going to have the longest prayer I've ever prayed tonight.  Whatever will be, will be...but I sure hope everything goes well.  I'm a good talker/negotiator though and I'm ready to try with God if he tries to take me now :) It took a lot for me to look as if everything was ok today.  I didn't want my mom or anyone else to know how terrified I am because that would probably make them worry more.  I didn't even tell my mom the type of cyst I have so she won't worry.  She's going through a depression now. She said she'd try to get to the hospital before they take me in for surgery, and I will try very hard not to cry infront of her because I don't want her to feel bad or worry about me more.  I'm going to try to get some sleep now... I'll write in my journal as soon as I can. Thanks to everyone's comments; you have no idea how much better they made me feel when I read them...

Oh my goodness...surgery is the day after tomorrow and I'm so not ready for it.  My little brother is so scared for me and I act like it's no big deal infront of him.  I even tell him I"m not scared when he asks me.  I don't want other people to worry so I joke around and not talk about it infront of my parents and other family members.  Inside I'm terrified.  My husband is the only one that knows how I really feel.  Tuesday will be here before I know it.  Tomorrow I have to do groceries early because my husband is working (he's usually off Mondays) and then I have to take that laxative so I won't be going much elsewhere; I'll need to be here at home close to the bathroom at all times :)  I want to do laundry as well and leave everything as clean as possible.  I hope I'm only there one night but I think it's going to be two nights.  I'm going to write a will.  I just don't want to leave anything unsaid because you never know.  I told my husband that I want to be buried not cremated, and that if something happens and I need life support, they should keep me on it as long as they still can keep the faith that a miracle might happen.  They have happened before.  The odds are on my side, but the chances are there that something can go wrong, so I have to say my wishes.  I especially don't want to make my mother worry.  She's been depressed over my cousin's death 3 months ago, as well as other things the family is going through and I don't want her to have something else to worry about.  I hope everything turns out well.

I couldn't sleep last night.  I'm so worried about the surgery.  I layed awake in bed thinking and my husband knew that I was thinking about the surgery.  He told me not to worry.  I told him that I was worried to be put to sleep completely and that I was afraid that something would go wrong or that my complext cyst would be malignant.  I'm also worried about the vertical incision I will be having.  I read online that there are more chances of it re-opening and longer recuperation time.  I cried for a while.  I told my husband I was afraid that I wouldn't see my son again.  I know that it's not likely that something will happen to me, but I can't help worrying like this.  Especially when I've had almost a month to research and think about all this.  I'm terrified.  I'm glad my husband supports me though.  He makes me feel better.  I just want to get it over with.  I think I might just faint from worrying.  I'm also very worried about the anesthesia.  I have never responded to it right away.  Even when I go to the dentist or when I had my c-seciton, they had to put multiple doses on me because it wouldn't do much at fist.  I'm worried that i won't be completely asleep when they start cutting me open.  That might sound silly, but I really am worried about it because of all my past experiences.  I can't wait for it to be over with.  I'm more worried about the operation process than the recovery process.  I know how painful it is and I've felt that kind of pain from my c-section before.  I'm scared.  I know I keep repeating myself, but....I'm so scared. I'm sure my cyst grew already.  It was over 10cmx5x11cm almost two weeks ago and it had already grown by 3 cm in three weeks.  The only thing I'm looking forward to in the recuperation period is reading my books.  I don't get much time to read now because I have my son to take care of as well as my niece and nephew during the day, let alone the house chores and cooking.  With not much else to do, I will have plenty of time to finish all the new books I just bought.

I went on my pre-surgery appointment today.  Took me 4 hours!  I waited 1 hour to see the doctor.  Then went accross the street to the hospital where I waited for blood tests and x-rays.  The doctor discussed everything about the surgery:
I will have an open vertical incision.  I thought that they would use my c-section scar because that is what they first said, but turns out it's a better idea for them to do the vertical one.  The c-section cut might be too small and they don't want to risk a hernia if they detach my muscle from the pubic bone.
I will be staying about 2 nights in the hospital.  At the time of surgery I will stay asleep as they take my complex cyst to pathology to be examined.  If it comes back malignant, I decided to have them close me up and wait until the final results come back a few days later to decide whether or not a hysterectomy is better.  But they will probably remove one of my ovaries and fallopian tube anyway during this surgery.
I told the doctor that if they did for any reason have to remove both my ovaries that I would like to keep my uterus.  The purpose of keeping it is because I had already told my best friend (she can't have any more babies) that I would be a surrogate mother for her if she ever wanted me to.  And so if I can't have any more of my own biological children, then I would still love to be able to have one for her.
I also explained to the doctor that I'm recovering from a cold and she told me that it's fine as long as I keep getting better.  I feel a little better, except that both my husband and my son are still sick and I fear that I will get really sick again.  I still have five days to go and there's plenty of time to get sick again.
Anyway, I'm also supposed to buy a laxative one day before the surgery to cleanse out my insides.  
I hope that after this surgery I get my period back (haven't had one in three years).  Then soon after I have to have my gallstones taken out.  
The doctor told me that I'm the youngest patient they've had in a long time.  Oh, gosh...everyone tells me I'm too young to have all these problems...I hope it doesn't get worse from here. I'm really nervous about the surgery.