Jul 02, 2008
So tomorrow I go for my 1st visit w/ a surgical Ortho doc in the same practice as my Pain Management doc. This is as close as I have come to accepting that I may need surgery. I am TERRIFIED! I don't want surgery. I want the doc to tell me that with my conservative methods I can reverse or at least stall the progress of the disease. I want him to look at me and say "Heck no, go have kids and live your life, you are doing a great job and it will all be fine. You are too young for surgery."
My family is soooooo not helpful. Well, at least one of my aunts is being great. But 2 others have shown their concern by telling me I should stop "courting" surgery and inquiring as to how this is affecting my work. Well yeah it is affecting my work but is that really the issue or is it the fact the I have 4 levels of degeneration in my cervical spine and I herniate disc's like they're going out of style and I have only just turned 30? Not to mention I just told you that my program that I began, got up and running and maintain to support Hispanic patients in our community was listed as one of the hospital's accomplishments and that my VP is thrilled. And you say that's nice but is your neck affecting your work? Bite me!
Anyway, I am counting the hours til my appt with the doc. I am having a hard time focusing on other things as I am just so apprehensive. There just aren't a lot of options for a girl with a busted neck. Fusion will limit my range of motion so much and the FDA has only approved disc replacements for single level use. So will I be able to mix them? Can you give me one disc replacement and fuse the rest? All of these questions are just swirling around in my mind.
My boyfriend is so over talking about it too so when I saw this journal tool, I thought, A HA! I can rant and rave and get it all out and go home and act like a sane person who is not obssessing over things that I have no control over. :)
Oh well, I will just have to wait til tomorrow.