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ughhhh

Apr 18, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

sleep

,

head

,

Neck

,

swollen

,

sores

,

throat

,

The flu

,

feel

,

Is

,

Flu

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weird

,

TIRED

,

fatigued



i feel like crap. im weak, extremely fatigued, achy/sore, my head feels all heavy and weird and my throat or neck is sore or something i think i have a swollen gland. i could be getting the flu i have never had it before so i dont really know. but all i want to do is sleep but i cant until my hubby gets home at about 6:30

borderline personality disorder

Apr 13, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

borderline

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Borderline Personality

,

Borderline Personality Disorder

,

personality

,

disorder

,

personality disorder

,

Depression

,

Schizophrenia

,

Anxiety

,

years

,

Health

,

Addiction



for years i knew something was wrong with me. ever since i met my husband and even more so after we had a child i started becoming more aware my mental health was not normal. in about march i really started looking into mental problems and trying to find things that matched me. i have become a social recluse. i enjoy leaving our small apartment but i hate being around people, even family and friends i should be the most comfortable with. i found out i have social anxiety disorder. i knew there was more wrong with me mentally, that is just the main reason i dropped out of school (i didnt know anything about anxiety or that i actually had a problem which caused me to always skip classes) and well its just been a huge problem in my life. i decided one day to research schizophrenia and lo and behold i came up with a self diagnosis of differentiated schizophrenia. thats when i started fearing for myself. i say to my husband all the time i feel i should be in a mental hospital. he knows i have mental issues but nothing so serious. im afraid to tell him of my findings. but im going to talk to him today. i dont mean it when i say stuff like that i am just so ashamed im so full of mental problems. i blame a lot on my parents you know how i was raised. there isnt anything i can do about that but im so screwed up now it pisses me off. im also starting to change and im getting more paranoid about things. maybe im developing paranoid schizo. i dont know but i have no way to pay for a psychiatrist or whatever it is i need so im stuck like this. just before i wrote this i figured out the missing piece to my puzzle of mental problems. borderline personality disorder. i was described perfectly in the symptoms. so now what would you say about me? here is what i know i have: major depression, food addiction, schizophrenia, borderline personality, social anxiety disorder. how does one person deal with all of this? im scared that it is going to get so severe my husband will leave me,(i k now he would never leave me even if i got so fat i was stuck in bed!) i will get my son taken away from me and people will actually be able to tell im psychotic. that will be the end of me for sure, people knowing about it. i wont make it to see my son get taken away. i dont know why im freaking out about this i know it a long shot but it scares me. but i feel like i know now. i dont feel llike i am questioning whats wrong with me anymore. i will post an entry on the symptoms i have of each and how they affect my life in more detail a bit later.

the bigger picture

Apr 13, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

bigger

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Pain

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Allergies

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Baby

,

head

,

Headaches

,

Period

,

abdominal

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depressed

,

exhaustion

,

fatigue

,

Sad



ok today besides my abdominal pains i am just feeling horrible today. im extremely exhausted and i havent even done much to make myself so exhausted. i feel overall, just out of it. my allergies are slightly bothering me. im stressed and i feel really bad about this but im getting mad at my 3 year old son easily and im not like that. i just feel like im not myself today. i just want to lay down and sit here talking to myself. but i have a baby to take care of here so that always comes first. he is kind of sad because im not playing with him. my head is slightly hurting off and on and i dont get headaches very often at all. after i had brunch today i felt terribly nauseous. im just depressed so its a super off day. im usually feeling really good on fridays because my husband has a 3 day weekend every week. this is frustrating. i think its getting worse as the day goes on too. and im cramping from being on my period. my house is somewhat clean right now but if im feeling like this im not gonna be able to make myself clean if it gets worse. i just have no will power and no energy. i just want my hubby to come home so he can take over for me while i go lay down and bask in misery.

sharp abdominal pains!

Apr 13, 2012 - 0 comments

since my "period" has become more than just spotting i have been having new symptoms, but of what i have no clue. it ***** not having insurance i cant just see a doctor unless its a major emergency. but anyways all over my abdomen i have been having these really sharp pains. sometimes its around the side but mostly its right in the front. i havent noticed a pattern they just seem to come on randomly. but they are super sharp and on a scale of 1-10 the pain can get up to like a 7 or an 8. they dont feel like deep in there they feel real shallow like right towards the surface lol. i am not good at describing things. im either having slight allergy problems or sinuses but its not too bad. every so often it gets to the point im all runny and drippy and sickening. but i know its not a cold or anything. and i still cant sleep. its shouldnt take me hours to fall asleep. i suppose thats all for this entry. oh im excited to start my couch to 5k plan!