For those of you that know me and my situation, you know how hard it is for me to even leave my house and not be in panic mode.  Well yesterday I was able to go out to lunch, then to wal-mart, then to a movie, then to best-buy for an hour.  Not once did I even come close to a panic attack.  I really think this klonopin is working, either that or the prozac has finally kicked into high gear.

I was able to stop feeling my pulse throughout the day, it was hard and I often found myself reaching to feel it but I stopped myself.  

So yesterday was a great day for me.  I hope it stays this way,.

So I went to my nieces recital tonight, supposed to be two hours but it was almost 4 hours long.  It was boring except for the fact I got to see her dance in a few of the acts.  But more importantly I made it through without a panic attack, I had some anxiety but not much.   I was waiting in line in a very crowded college building for refreshments, probably 300 people packed in a room no bigger than a basketball court.  And I did fine, I got some cookies and a bottle of water and talked with my family that I hadn't seen in a while.  And I noticed my personality starting to come back, my humor coming through.  i was still anxious, don't get me wrong, but I was able to stay the whole time and even opted to wait for my niece afterward to give her some roses.  She is so awesome, she's 11 yrs old, and she did good too.   And after I stopped by sonic with my family and ate me a big ol' double cheeseburger which is the first time I've been able to eat fast food in a long time.  Tonight was a good night for me.  I am defeating this anxiety and i owe a LOT of the thanks to this community.  This forum has been such a blessing.  I can't imagine what I would have done without the help of everyone here. You guys are so kind and so helpful.  So I just want to say thank you:)  

I'm not anywhere near defeating this completely but tonight was a big step for me.  I don't know how long it will take to completely get rid of this anxiety but i know its possible and with the support here, my medication(ssri's) and talk therapy I will be better soon hopefully.  


thanks again everyone, and I hope everyone is doing well and beating anxiety to the ground with a big jagged stick;)

My anxiety is about the same as it was a month ago.  I have been taking Prozac for about 18 or 19 days.  I just recently upped the dose to 40mg from 20 mg 4 days ago though.  I'm relying on Xanax to get me through the day.  One .5mg pill is usually enough for the whole day so I'm not taking too much of it.  I've only taken a total of about 20 pills. so I'm hoping I'm not dependent on them.  

one thing that has changed:

I can eat now without worrying I'm going to choke and I no longer feel the choking sensations, this is with or without the xanax. This was a big one for me, because I was hardly eating, and what I was eating was soft food like mashed potatoes.  I'm pretty sure that is the Prozac starting to work.  I hope it kicks into full gear soon.  I guess I do feel a little better overall but I'm still too anxious to go out in public or to be at home alone.

The only thing I worry about now is my heart.  And this RSA or HRV that I have bothers me so much.  It is so strange feeling it change so quickly and thump in my chest.  But I just have to tell myself I've been checked out and I'm ok.  I also am severely out of shape so Simple tasks like walking up stairs is tuff for me and sometimes even rising to my feet from laying down gets my heart rate up high.  I hope this is all anxiety.  I need it to go away.

Went to talk to a therapist today, i like him he made me feel comfortable.  i thought i was doing good after i left there so i tried to see a movie but ended up having a panic attack in the theatre and had to leave, i know my friend is mad at me.  i hate this.