I found this website yesterday, and immediately I cried out of shock and relief that others may feel the same way I did.  My husband thought I had lost my mind, but I don't think he (or anybody in my family really) has a clue how debilitated and frustrated I am, how bad I feel, or how desperate this whole situation is.  

There are times I pray to just die because I can't take it anymore.  I'm not the suicide type, I know God has a plan, but this has gone way past the sniffles.  
Its SOOOO frustrating to me because nobody seems to understand.  I am cloistered in a tiny area most of the time between about October and March when the mountain cedar is SO BAD in Texas.
Other times of the year, I do pretty good if I avoid dusty places, smoke, etc.  I can actually manage to go to a garage sale without a mask or something.  I can go to church during the spring and summer too.  But when Fall hits, its all over for me.  

We had a fire near our place 2 years ago on Dec. 26th and it burned 2500 acres close to us.  
That day, it was a zoo.  The wind was blowing 40-50 mph and there was smoke everywhere.  I loaded all our animals in the car and a few photo albums and just parked it in our driveway just in case I had to evacuate.  We live on a dirt road, and all the fire trucks, volunteer fireman, police, sheriff, etc. had to drive right by here.  My husband is also a volunteer fireman, (asst. chief) so it was grand central here.  I was the first to spot the smoke and call him about it.  Like an idiot, I was out running around in all of it handing them sandwiches & drinks as they drove by, and hollering messages.  Anyway, the fire raged and they finally got it put out about 300 yards from our house.  Point being, I have never been the same since then.  I was trying to recover from a sinus infection at that time, and it just turned into a horrible mess.  Two rounds of antibiotics & steroids (& 20 pounds) later, I finally got rid of the infection.  But, ever since then, I"ve had debilitating dizziness & nausea.  I"ve been to doctors and they've ran all kinds of tests and have yet to find a cause.  I finally went to an allergist a year ago and started taking shots.  I can't tell that it has changed much of anything.  

So here I sit, barely able to stumble into the kitchen and get food on the table, with very little energy or will left to fight.  I have geneticly high cholesterol and should be on statins, but I am extremely sensitive to drugs, and they cause me to be in even more of a stupor than I normally am, so thats not happening.  I have no idea what my cholesterol is, but I"m sure it is about 350 or more.  I am just sensitive in general.  Sensitive to light, sound, smell, taste, etc.  I'm not the type to ignore the cat howling at the door or the grandkids fighting over a toy.  It drives me nuts.
That also happened about the time of the fire.  I had my first panic attack.  I had had bouts of not being able to breathe for about 4 months.  Went to the doctor only to have him look at me like I was nuts.  Anyway, one time, I was at the hospital and they said they couldn't see me right now and I just went to pieces.  It was then that they diagnosed me with panic/depression and put me on meds.  I still take half doses because if I don't, I get so jumpy that I can't stand it.