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On to the next.

Aug 06, 2012 - 3 comments
Tags:

next step

,

failed iui

,

take a break

,

breathing

,

DSIUI



So, I am wrapping up my day and thankfully not feeling so bad. In fact I feel ok.Much less depressed than the previous two times. I think both the hormone milkshake and the natural PMS feelings are about out of my system and for the first time since the beginning of July I feel like myself again. The extra anxiety and stress I’ve been carrying around seem to have melted away.
I am of course so disappointed that our last IUI wasn’t a success. I haven’t told my Mom yet. Tonight Jeff and I are going to decide what the next step will be in this process. Are choices are as following:
• On Wednesday start back up on the Clomid to prepare for a 4th IUI
• Begin the IVF process- (what our RE is recommending to significantly increase our chances of conception)
• Could we emotionally/ethically think about a DSIUI (highly recommended by our RE if we wanted to have greater chance for IUI success)
• Take a break and just relax for a month- tick tock, tick tock (that’s the sound of my biological clock ticking-LOL)
Truthfully told I am not sure that any of the four choices feel that great…more tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be feeling more excited after tonight’s discussions.


Feeling extremely discouraged...

Aug 05, 2012 - 2 comments
Tags:

discouraged

,

feeling

,

Infertility

,

failed iui

,

Anxiety



So, I was having a wonderful weekend. While Jeff went for his road ride yesterday I deep cleaned our house and did 4 loads of laundry. We road our bikes to the Bexely pool and spent a wonderful afternoon catching up on this week’s papers, magazines, swimming (of course) and just relaxed. I was feeling great.
I had two major emotional meltdowns last week. Thursday night I had just the most horrible headache. I felt like I couldn’t drive. Jeff and I had been planning on having dinner at a new restaurant on Scioto mile. We didn’t go. I had an adult temper tantrum for NO reason sitting on my couch waiting for Jeff to finish watering the flowers in the backyard. Jeff ended up getting us Piada takeout and I felt guilty.
Friday night’s meltdown came mostly from exhaustion. I had just gotten home from an hour long acupuncture appointment- the focus of which was to calm my mind and build my Chi. Dr. Yang- my acupuncturist who prefers I call her Melissa said we were now acting like I was pregnant and reversing the chi to help the baby….So, back to Friday night’s meltdown. I had also had an early work day, bought myself two new dresses on sale and we were planning on a second attempt at date night. After I got all prettied up I quickly lost emotional control as my hormones, work stress and straight exhaustion took over. Long story short we ended up back at home. An hour later we rode our bikes to a local café and grabbed some food. Night two of feeling guilty!
I woke up this morning to a pretty heavy brown spot in my undies. When I cleaned myself there was a quite a bit more “brown stuff”. Immediately my heart dropped. I climbed back in to bed with Jeff and the doggies and tried not to think about it. I had used a tampon and when I took it our a few hours later it appeared to be covered in brown sludge…TMI I know. It scared me. What’s going on?!?!?!?!
This is not how I have ever started my period before these procedures or since. Today is 11dpiui. I can’t tell if this is the beginning of my period or just old blood. I have a bit of cramping but nothing like AF.
Ugh- this is so frustrating. I know every couple going through the infertility process thinks “why isn’t this happening for us”…but seriously why isn’t this happening for us?
I feel so discouraged.


PMA- Postive Mental Attitude

Aug 01, 2012 - 2 comments

I need to vent….I need to scream….I need to cry….I need to calm down!
This process is such a brain game. This morning in the shower I could hardly get near my breasts they’re so tender and instead of letting myself think “maybe we’re pregnant” I shot myself down to acknowledge that it’s 7dpiui and it’s just the hormones I am taking that are making me feel this way.
I do really think this time around I am not thinking about “IT” as often and am handling the hormones so much better. I hate to say that I am used to feeling crazy all the time. I am optimistic. I am hopeful. This time it did work…right there I wanted to say and if not…UGH.
I have my good days and I have my harder days….today is a harder one- why it’s beautiful here today? I am leaving work early with pizzas to share with one of my best girlfriends and her two beautiful children…I must have PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) –repeat 3x and breathe.


In the ear!

Jul 30, 2012 - 0 comments

I began acupuncture this time around about a week before the our 3rd IUI and have been consistently visiting every week since. I figured we’re doing everything else… So, Friday I went in for my first acupuncture appointment since the “procedure”.  Before the procedure the goal was to help bring blood flow to my reproductive system to help promote and grot how follicles and to help my body use the Clomid and HCG. This time the goal is to relax my brain, promote implantation and ease stress in the body, specifically my lower back. I have to say when she planted 3 needles into my left ear I almost jumped off the table. But overall I am feeling much less anxious in fact this time around I hardly think- "could we be pregnant right now". I have the same symptoms that I now understand are directly related to my assortment of hormone treatments.
I have also decided to eat pineapple. All the blogs talked about it and I like pineapple so why not. I am 35 years old and Sunday morning was the first time I bought and sliced my own pineapple. We’ll see.
Jeff and I seem to be in the midst of a challenging summer not only with our Infertility treatments but with our entire family. I am doing Yoga despite the recommendation to lay low- To me Yoga is low. Breathing.  Relaxing.  These things help battle against my anxious personality and soothe my thoughts.
Namaste.