my goal is to get back into the 140s before TTC again...since im not allowed to TTC right now im working on losing weight since my mc and trying to start off my next preg as healthy as can be

i eat a salad everyday for lunch and im trying to do some type of excercise everyday now

june 5 will be my next weigh in since weighing 157 and by then i want to be in the lower 150s to high 140s....that will put me right on target for where i want to be

things sure havent been the same since my miscarriage. there's not a day that goes by that i dont miss my little baby. i recently have been diagnosed with factor 5 blood clotting disorder. i dont understand it but the doctor is pretty sure that is what caused my miscarrige. im not being told that i should not be TTC as this condition is genetic and i have to see a hemotologist for further testing along with blood thinner medicine. my ob thinks ill be able to TTC in 3-6 months again, but its up to my hemo doc when he feels will be best for me. so im out. forawhile too :(

as much as this pains me i know its what is right. i want another child in the worse way but am i willing to give me up my own life and take away my sons mom to make this happen...no its best to get this all figured out

my partner is completely freaked out now. he says that he wants to become more financially stable before we start TTC again which i agree to an extent. i make pretty good money and have been at my job for awhile so im stable. i just think he's scared from what is going on with the doc

ive decided since its just about summer...well it is in NC...im going to take the summer off (or a couple months of it) and get outdoors with my son, try to lose some weight, continue seeing my hemo doc and get myself back together.

i know its for the best and im confident ill be TTC soon again

i dont know how much ill make it these forums since ill be trying my best to stay busy and keeping my mind occupied on other things than having a baby

i have made a lot of friends on here and i really hope you will stay in touch with me. if you would like to stay in touch with me please send me info to stay in touch with you....such as email address, myspace page, or any other form of communication

i dont want to lose my friends from here...i just need to take time for me right now

i have been on medhelp for awhile now and when i was TTC i had so much support and i went through each month ending in a BFN...i got my BFP and then met the ladies on the pregnancy forums....everybody was so supportive and it felt great...

sadly that pregnancy ended in a mc and in a way i feel like ive lost my mind but i continued to try and keep in touch with the pregnant women...so here i am TTC and there is barely any support in the fertility forum...its so hard to get a response and its frustrating

then as soon as those women get BFPs its like they forget about us women TTC...whether we were preg and with them at one time or not those TTC women need support

i am completely frustrated and feel like there are so many "fake-like" people....seems like you're only good enough to talk to when you are in their class of people...its not right

it seems like there is major support lacking in many of the forums and mabye im the only one that cares...these ladies have helped through one of the worse experiences of my life and i was so thankful for that

now i feel like im a burden to them...and its not right

i think my time on these forums is drawing to a close...maybe my welcome has been worn out and i need to look elsewhere to get that feelling i once had coming to these forums for help and support

here is my journal post to track everything that is happening with me since my mc hopefully to my next BFP

3/3 --- very sad day...i went into preterm labor...spent 3 days in the hospital after my D&E

3/10 -- went to digestive specialist -- tested for celiac disease
**** 3/24 - results were neg

3/13 -- went to OB -- HCG tested...also had an internal -- everything looked good
discussed results from having the baby tested -- it was a boy and discussed the testing that is recommended for me before i TTC again
*** HCG level was 59

3/20 -- went to OB -- HCG tested again
*** HCG levels was 11

next appt is 4/3 and ill find out what test is next and as of today (3/24) im waiting for my first AF arrival since my mc then i think things will start progressing quicker

stay tuned

------

4/3 -- 1 month since my loss and had a follow up appt
** had bloodwork done to check for cystic fibrosis and blood clotting disorders....if the results come back normal then ill be given the green light to TTC again --- 10 days of waiting

4/8 -- well well ---- AF is here...yay....i finally can start trying to figure out my cycles