Ok so I have 10 more weeks to go.  It seems to me that at least in my case these last 12 are getting harder.  i wonder are sides throwing and extra punch, or is it the body and mind is just saying "Enough".  i have cut my hours at work so i am hoping that helps.  I now have the thyroid thing and have to go to an endocronoligst and get tested.  i thought i skipped that side, but it just popped up.  I know this forum and the people here are one of reasons i made it his far.  

Financially this has hurt us, we had the house up for sale and now we got an offer today and signed the agreement.  I had them postpone settlement until after the new year because i know physically and mentally i can not move right now.  I have to look for a new place, thank God for the internet.

I know others have treated longer and all i can say is "i bow down to all of you"  you are true heros.  

My friends here have been the best!  they cheer me on, whine with me, cry with me and we even laughed at times.

my family has been through alot, Its really hard for kids to watch their mom sick.  Kids believe we are invincible but they have learned that  we need them as much as they need us.

you find your true friends throughout this ordeal.  The fair weather friends and then the one you can call and whine for hours to.

You find out the true personalities of co workers, and your often disappointed but not surprised.

You realize that you may have taken your health forgranted before, but you never will again.

So thats what i am thinking about tonight................................


peace

I am so exhausted I actually forget what week I am on.  The last shot was one that threw me for a loop.  I had never had bad sides from the shot itself.  But that all changed on Friday after the shot my legs buckled and broke out into a sweat.  I felt like I was going faint, vomit or ? well you know...all at the same time.  I made to sleep but the rest of the weekend, is kinda blurry..i was foggy, weak I had major headache.  I depth perception was way off.  I rested all weekend.  Then came the mental breakdown.....I have always been the one in my family who whenever someone needed something...i dropped whatever i was doing and was there in a flash... thats just me, that what i do...if you need mei I 'm there.  Now the flip side to that was, what i expected from my family.. and what i actually get.  My mom who is up in age trys to help but lives about 40 minutes from me, my oldest sister and brother live right near my mom, and my other sister is about 1 hour and 1/2 from here.  Since i started tx my two sisters have been here once.  my brother hasnt been here at all. My mom comes when i can get down there ot pick her up or if my husband can pick here.  

Anyway, when you put expectations on others, you are bound to be let down...  Has my husband said, "they are not you, and you cant expect them to be like you. " Just because you would stop your life if one of them were going through something diffcult, doesnt give you the right to expect the same has you... He was trying to get me to understand that no matter what is happening with me...others are living there lives and doesnt mean they dont care, but that just the way it is....

I have start AD's because after that breakdown...i knew i needed something.  

I am holding my breathe for the next shot hoping its not as bad as the last one... and just holding on to hit the finish line.

I am trying to work everyday...and with all the financial stuff happening too,  i just think i am overwhelmed..

As my mother says "god only gives us what we can handle"  and i told her "yea well can you tell him i have had my limit", perhaps my sister could take some of this Shi& and handle it....lol

venting again.......

but it helps to get down and out.....

peace

Ok I think this is the best way to honor Nick, with Elaine's blessing.



   For those who wish to make a donation in Memory of Nick please make donations      to:                  

                The American Liver Foundation
                  75 Maiden Lane
                  Suite 603
                  NY, NY   100038-4810


                  Our contact person is Beth DeRosa
                  ***@****     1800-223-0179 ext 231

                   Beth will handle all donations made in Nick memory.

                    Nick's full name is:      Nicholas Garrett

  You may use your screen name if you wish to remain anonymous just please include
" MEDHELP"  next to your name/or screename.


   On the form it ask:  Please send notice to:   Elaine (child24angel)
                                                                    MEDHELP

   The foundation will contact Elaine directly to let her know all of the donations  made  in   Nick's Memory.



I have emailed Elaine and asked if she wouldnt mind giving the foundation her address.

   In the meantime the contact person there is aware of everything and knows anything coming in that has "MEDHELP" next to the name is a donation for Nick.
We are sending it to Ms, DeRosa directly so that she can control the contributions and make sure Elaine is forward any notes, etc.   The donations will utlimately go to Nick local chapter.


I hope this is agreeable to all.  Thanks to all of you, who have helped but this together.  I did not do this alone.... This was definetely a group effort!!!!

Thank you all.


Peace
rita

Dance Like No One's Watching

  We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
  have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't
  old enough and we'll be more content when they are.  After that we're
  frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.  We will certainly be
  happy when they are out of that stage.  We tell ourselves that our
  life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when
  we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.
  
  The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.  If not
  now, when?
  Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit
  this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite
  quotes comes from Alfred D Souza.  He said:

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin -
  real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to
  be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be
  served, a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin. At last it dawned on
  me that these obstacles were my life."

  This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to
  happiness.  Happiness is the way.  So, treasure every moment that you
  have.
  And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special
  enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one...

  So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school,
  until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have
  kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you
  retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday
  night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car  
  or your home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until      winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die,
  until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than
  right now to be happy...

  Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

  You've got to work like you don't need the money,
  love like you've never been hurt,
  and dance like there's nobody watching