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people talking to much

Sep 09, 2012 - 1 comments
Tags:

people

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talking

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To much

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Love



today start out good. 1 of my sister was staying with me because she didnt have nowhere to go, and her little dog name Chewy (Yorkshire).we talked the night before we went to sleep for along time. i really enjoyed her company because i havent seen her in long time and talk to her as much. we talked about everything. from the time we were abuse mentally and sexally as children. to her sepration from her husband and step kids she raised for 8 years. we went to bed after 2 in the morning. and she said if you get up early wake me up because i want to go to church they were having a homecoming. she really enjoys this church. i told i would. so i woke her up about 9:00am and she left to get ready for church and i told her i would watch her little dog. well she went to church. in the meantime my other sister comes up. i didnt think nothing was wrong and my boyfriend brother told her something that wasnt supposed to be said, and she told me she need to talk to me so i ask what wrong and she telling me all kind of things she wasnt suppose to know. i no who was here when this was told and i no who told her. well to make the long story short. i couldnt believe my boyfriend for almost 6 years would have told his brother all this stuff. i was so mad that i started hurting in my left arm and chest and my blood pressure was so high that i had to take extra blood pressure pill to try to calm down but it didnt help. i ask him about it and he denied saying anything,but later on told me he was worry about my sister that why he said something. well the point is it was putting me in the middle of both of my sisters and i love them both and wouldnt hurt them for nothing in the world. i said to my self it is true 1 sister going to church trying to live right and the devil was in my house today. after she came back from church. she could see i was upset and ask me what was wrong and i just started to cry, but i told her a little bit about what day i had. i even read the bible in Mattew about brother being against brother and sister against sister, and father and mother being against their own children, and children being against their own parents. but i really had a hard day today, and didnt sleep good when i lay down for the night.

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depressed and nervous

Sep 08, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Schizophrenia

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nervous

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depressed

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sleep



i went to visit my granny because i havent seen here in awhile because she sick and cant walk hardly at all. talk to her and her daughter went out riding with them because granny had a spell with her nerve and it help her to ride around. i was so tired and i hadnt done much,and after i ate it wasnt long i couldnt keep my eyes open and my joints ache all over. my left arm been burning and tingling for awhile, and i alway enjoyed going out with her but i dont have the energy no more like i did and that driving me crazy. and i usually lay down when i feel like this but i couldnt. that the 1st day i stay away without taking a nap during the day. i was really tired when i got home that when i layed down my legs hurt me so bad and my joints and then i started to feel very irritated bad and i wanted to get back up and run to the hills and holler. my nerves where so bad i thought when i close my eyes i could feel my body floating above me, and it felt like i had to put it bad in my own body. i thought  i was going to go crazy.after several hours i finally went to sleep but i rolled the bed back and forth and was having nightmare and that what woke me up i hadnt been asleep that long because i went to bed about 10:23pm and woke up at 2:10am. i was really  nervous and couldnt breath in the house even though the air was on. i check my blood pressure and it was high. i walk the floor for several hours. then i said im going to get on my laptop and play a game or something to help my mind. the doctor said i had PTSD and Schizophrenia. i no i stay in fear alot , but i had bad things to happen to me when i was younger and it still on my mind everyday of my life. i wish i didnt worry so much and felt better.

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