Jan 31, 2013
Today I spent less than 5 minutes thinking about Austenland and a few other books I own. Now, I'm depressed and feel broken and alone. I learned something atleast, I have triggers. Not an hormonal imbalance.
Any thing fiction, romantic, or something associated with the lie I lived the past 5 years hurts and sets my depression off. I have to purge my personal library soon, both books and music, as well as avoid most movies. It's worth it, to stay happy and not feel depressed anymore. Goodbye Twilight. :(
I do know that I'm recovering on my own. I can think about the girl, that inspired the beliefs that now cause me depression, without being horribly affected. That's progress, right?
I'm here, trying hard not to think about how I feel. A loneliness that human companionship can't cure. It feels absoultly pathetic. I look forward to falling asleep, hopefully I can manage that without dwelling... I hope deeply that if I remember my dreams, that they will reflect the happiness of life and not what I feel right now.