I sit, for hours and google symptoms that I have.
Then I freak out, check the symptoms that are related to be.
Cry.
then sleep
wake up google again.
I tell myself to stop. Sometimes i can close the browser..
other times i can't
and I google for hours.

I  have a problem =( and I can't stop it.

I want to, but it's not going away.

Well, now I feel like I'm going through another anxiety attack, or another freak out moment.
So I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and So I should be okay right?

Wrong.

For some reason I have this mentality that I have an sti..or HPV or something and I don't know how to channel my thoughts to stop thinking this way.

So here's my story.

Well last week, I had sex with the boyfriend on saturday. It was amazing, especially to do it with someone I really care about. I thought that finally my anxiety level will be over. but the next day, doing a random healthy check down there. I noticed a small bump on my labia minora close to my vagina. I immediately start freaking out that I have genital warts, or something wrong going down there. I google, like I always to, which takes away most of my time from doing everything else. I went to the doctors last thursday to see what it could be. She told me that it could either be an early stage of genital warts, or it could just be an irritation. She did get a swab of the sample, but she didn't even notice it when she first saw it. My mother told me not to worry about it, because I already did what I can do, and now I can just wait. My mother and boyfriend, both tell me that it is mostly likely not be hpv, but for some reason I can't stop myself from thinking that it could be. I just sit here everyonce in awhile, while studying for exams and think about how many guys i've been with, how many months it has been, what are the chances of me contacting hpv, I have the gardisel shot already. I had a regular pap last may. I'm waiting for my physical in June. and I'm waiting for my results from this swab. I'm fretting. I'm freaking out, and I can't calm down. I want it to be gone. I want to move on. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

also. I go google crazy.

I sit, for hours and google symptoms that I have.
Then I freak out, check the symptoms that are related to be.
Cry.
then sleep
wake up google again. Cry. sometimes sobbing
I tell myself to stop. Sometimes i can close the browser..
other times i can't
and I google for hours.

I  have a problem =( and I can't stop it.

I want to, but it's not going away.

Well, today I got a reply from him, and it was nice. It was a reasurrance that it will be okay. He mentioned how he hasn't been tested since the summer, but he will sometime this week. He also mentioned that he hasn't had any symptoms.

This brings a relief to me, knowing that it is okay for this moment. I just hope he is clean as well.
At least he apologized, and we both knew that it was a bad decision not to use anything.

Relieved.
for today at least.

So I emailed Guy #10, two nights ago because I was worried if he was clean or not, and he hasn't emailed me back.
I am not going to lie, for him to not reply ASAP worries me, but I should just give it a week. I am scared ********.
Because if he does have anything, I would have infected my boyfriend. i think I am thinking way too much, that is causing me to freak out about life, and worried about every little thing about me.

I know that I am chlamydia free, Gonorrhea free, no sign of Trich so I should not worry about those,
But the only thing I worry about is contracting HPV, and not even know it....and it would lead to cervical cancer, or genital warts.

When I headed to the doctors yesterday I was talking to her, and She told me, if I had genital warts and say I had 4 sexual partners....I would never know who I got it from. It could be 1, 2, 3, or 4. It could start to occur whenever in time...and i was thinking...5 unprotected...Very risky chance of getting HPV...and it is already too late even though I already had my gardasil shot....if I had it, it would already be in my system right?

I can't stand the overthinking. =( But I can't help it.