Dang man, I feel as though someone has thrown me off a roller coaster ... it has been real weird. I only took 100mg the first night, then 150mg the second night, then 250mg and tonight I will be up to the 300mg he told me to take. It hit me like a ton of bricks, my cell has been off ever since the 12th of this month. So I haven't spoken to any of my family. All I have done is SLEEP or toss and turn like last night... that is worse than too much sleep (to me). Sleeping ... up ... down ... sick ... headaches ... nausea ... anger ... paranoia ... sadness ... hurting feelings inside ... I feel like I just woke up out of a coma ... I am still not all here yet ... but I wanted to let all of you know that I am OK ... thank you so much for your concern (you all know who you are) ... I do not know how to PM yet, so if you will email me or note me and let me know how to do that, that would be great.... than you all for your support here, I hope I can be of some help as I get back up on my feet again.
GOD TRULY BE WITH US ALL !!!
God is busy pulling sam out of HELL ...
sam getting out of Hell

suffers Bi polar ... it is very difficult and takes a person with a lot of love, self control, kindness and a bunch more..... IF you know someone that suffers from this terrible disease.... either or ... Leave them ASAP ... don't stick around and suffer too.... They WILL put you through HELL.... OR ... LOVE THEM WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT ... because they are going to really, really NEED YOU !!!!
Samantha (crying)

I just want to cry, again, I can not believe this day....I can't believe that the receptionist would be ALLOWED to talk to me this way...she was a %^&*^%$&^ ...AND I am going to find out IF she can....It took all my will power and the grace of God  FOR HER ... for me not to drag her out from behind the counter and beat her face in.... I was crying and all I could do is cover my face with my hands...I was shaking with such rage !!! I woke up in a rage so I guess it didn
t help when the Phsyc. Doctor didn't bother explaining anything about the prescription he had just written for me...he said "this is what I have to offer you" I said OK, but I am about to fall apart here..I started to cry and he said"what did you want?..a bunch of drugs?.."...I couldn't believe this was happening...I said NO ... they had had me on so many before and I thought you might even give me Prozac since that was what the Neurologist even gave me for my Migraines.....he said NO, that is it..that's all...I was devastated...I did not want a bunch of drugs...YOU FREAKIN #$%&&*(()%$ .  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I WAS PISSED OFF TO SAY THE LEAST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    ANYWAY .............. I am trying to still calm myself down.............and it is not easy either.................. OK OKOKOKOKOKOK     I HAVE TO GO LAY DOWN NOW...I AM NOT DOING VERY WELL RIGHT NOW .... SORRY TO YOU ALL....SAM

I am going to bed now. I have to get up and go see my NEW PHSYCO DOC (later today, since it is after 12am here). I am excited yet worried about the meds, (this time around) "again". Oh what the hell, I have been in about 12 different episodes today and tonight I have been "mean" I guess you could say. I had a "Tia" and I said if I had a damn gun I would blow my brains out right now ... THEN ... no one would get out of the room ... they didn't know I was having an "Tia" and about 3 people came in and just bomb barded me with questions. I put my hands over my ears and just said I can't deal with this yelling ... "they weren't yelling" ... all it did was hurt my "love man's" feelings and he left the room and the other person stayed in and just kept on with the questions. I wanted to just disappear. My OCD was hitting me hard too, I was pissed off about EVERYTHING ... OMG, anywho ... I am not going to take up anymore time on here ... I was looking through the Donors list but I need to sign up...I will do that too ... It was my son's 21st Birthday today and this the first time in his life I did not get to speak to him on his B-Day (makes me very sad and pissed)(I hate this bipolar ****!!!!!!!)     SORRY   SORRY   bad words   ...my cell is off, ....corrworthless ... kinda likes it when I give them money .. go figure....I won't say what I would REALLY like to do with my cell  sometimes, when I go pay them... it would NOT be nice at all right now... especially the way I have been going today...hehehehe  I better go to bed before I get myself in trouble... aaarrrgggg !!!!
YOU ALL ARE IN MY PRAYERS ... OMG ... IF HE IS STILL LISTENING TO ME AFTER ALL THE BAD I SAID TODAY .......... HUGS...........SAM<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I NEED A NEW FREAKING BRAIN<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I would add a photo here but it would not be very nice one.....LMAO....ok,ok, not funny ... dang it !!!