today is my daughters 3rd bday! she has grown so much in the last 8 months. Im glad i was here for mosta that ne way. so 2moro is her bday party,with about 40 guest or so. been plannin for a bit, and it should be a great time for her n her friends. it will also be my 120 day mark, four months woo hoo!!

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its four am, my daughter just woke up wit an earache. I AM SO GLAD IM HOME SOBER TO HOLD HER AND RUB HER BACK TILL SHE FELL BACK ASLEEP!!!!! so since i dont fall asleep easy, i got on here to check messages, and its day 100 for me!! I have started to change more of my life, and decided that i just wont use dope ne more!
sounds simple , and it is! LOL, ne way, im just writing this to remind ME how good it feels to be her, clean, sober, tired , and happy as hell!!

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I got a call today from a guy lives nexta my uncle, Big D we call him. he told me the ambulance at the apt. and wanted to let police kick in door. I assumed my uncle wuz sober for a day or so and went to see his girlfriend. he is an alcoholic , has beeen all my life. but when he sobers for a few dayz,he goes to his girls. till the call of the booze gets him to leave. ne way, i thought he wuz prolly there, and tol em to kick it, he don keep no dope there, so it would be all good ya know? so they tell me hold on and boot the door. forgot my lil cuz wuz livin there to. It jus dint cross my mind bout him still bein there. but he wuz there, dead of an alcohol and drug overdose. 24 years old, been partyin since he wuz lil like me. addiction runs in our family. we smoke pot at christmas, we drink ALL the time, we pop pills, we smoke meth and crack.
Why dint i get strait sooner? y couldnt i have been clean enough to talk sense to him 6 years ago when his drinkin got outta control hell i threw his outta a party cuz he wuz too fuked up when he wuz only bout 17. I just cant stand the evils of dope ne more. i wish to God i woulda chose a different path soooo long ago. but i dint so now i jus gotta deal.... so heres to Jordan , My cuz, my blood........
DEAR FATHER GOD, PLEASE BRING JORDAN HOME TO YOU SO HE MAY KNOW YOU NOW IN EVERLASTIN LIFE. BLESS HIS FATHER JOHN, PLEASE LORD LET HIM FIND A PATH TO YOU SO HE CAN SET THE BOTTLE DOWN AND GRIEVE FOR HIS SON. HOLD HIS MOTHER AND SISTER HIGH LORD, AS THEY HAVE FOLLOWED YOU ALL THEIR LIVES, THEY NEED  YOU MOST NOW. LORD I ASK THAT YOU WELCOME JORDAN, EVEN IF HE WALKED THE WRONG PATH, IF YOU MUST JUDGE JUDGE US THAT PUT HIM THERE LORD. OH AND BIG GUY ONE LAST THING, PLEASE WATCH OVER EVERYONE ON THIS FORUM AND THOSE UNLUCKY ONES THAT HAVENT FOUND THEIR WAY YET LORD.
to ne one readin this, this is the second od i have buried this month! when will it be me, you , or our children? hopefully we wake up and realize the time we have here is betta spent sober then high as hell.


R.  I.   P....      JORDAN, I MISS YA CUZ, AND SO SORRY I CANT HUG YA N TELL YA ...
MUCH , MUCH , MUCH LOVE!!!

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today i am clean, wit hope for 2moro
to bring my kids joy, not bring em down wit sorrow
today i am sober, and happy too
prayers for me, and more for you

we are all the same
in one small way
we have to fight eva minute
to make another day

but when we do, and the day is done
its nice to hit this tracker, and post NONE!

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