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...Too Long

Nov 06, 2013 - 0 comments
Tags:

Anxiety

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years

,

Recovery

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meds

,

ms

,

antidepressants

,

female

,

insurance

,

better



28. Female. 2 years with MS.
Tecfidera. Copaxone. Rebif.
Insurance. Antidepressants. Anti-Anxiety Meds.
Application of Ice Cream.

I can walk. I can move. I can see. This is damned better than most. I made a full recovery. Now, just the upkeep to do.
It's the after-effects of treatments, drugs, memories, agony— the depression and constant fear. My heart buckles with the weight, my mind reels with the typhoon, and the misery spools up, feeding off of itself to become a perfect storm.

God dammit. Just...****.


Living Without Knowing

Dec 02, 2012 - 0 comments

For the past few weeks my motivation, interest, activity, and happiness have been at a low. Personal problems with family, the strain of the holidays, and the fact that Finals Week is keeping friends busy is adding to my own sadness. I haven't been sleeping well, particularly because I don't want to sleep; I have a hard time deciding to go to bed, and even when I do, I lay there. I know that I'm not happy and I don't know why. Tomorrow I'm going to seek out a counselor, and start pursuing other activities in hopes of just giving my brain too much stimuli to continue being this low. Maybe I was always this depressed and disease has made it more prominent? I don't know. I was too healthy before to care to track my moods.

Mood Tracker

Back from Vacation

Nov 06, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

vacation

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Knee

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hurts

,

multiple sclerosis tracker

,

mood



Returned from San Diego Trip spanning from Friday to Monday; took a fall on Monday due to badly placed stairstep in Seaport Village. Totally biffed into concrete; both legs hurt. Also think massage therapist on Sunday might have bruised something in my upper thighs and knees.
Hard to tell though. Mood fluctuations are extremely unstable despite my efforts to maintain perfect timing on my dosing of Lyrica. Not sure what to do other than sell all my stuff and go live near the coast and never speak to anyone again.

But hey. Maybe it's just the election.


Multiple Sclerosis Tracker

Return

Nov 05, 2012 - 0 comments

Returned from San Diego; was amazed at how GOOD I felt while there. Barely any tingling, despite increased temperature and LOTS of activity. Was able to walk whole days without too much strain. On returning to Denver, noticed almost instant return of tingling and exhaustion. Blamed it primarily on travelling so much. But had insomnia return along with extreme depression and suicidal thoughts. Looking forward to Doc appointments on Thursday.

Mood Tracker