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Screw genetics; I'm looking at my family

Nov 21, 2012 - 0 comments
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Genetics

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family

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Weight

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Weight Loss



Skinny jeans I own. Skinny genes? I don't.

All of the adults with the except of two nieces (one of which is my step-sister's daughter so genetics isn't a factor) and myself in my family of origin and extended family are either obese or morbidly obese. Most of them are morbidly obese and it's all pretty much lifestyle related, which is sick in itself. I say 'mostly' because my mom legitimately does have hormone issues that make it difficult for her to lose weight, but that doesn't counterbalance (at all) the fact that she takes in excessive amounts of calories each day.

I'm getting sensitive about the issue because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and next month Christmas Eve and Christmas and all three days are "eat as much as you can shove into your face hole" days for my mom's family. I won't be there but I've seen it often enough I don't need to be there to know what's going to happen.

Without my husband and I there in the kitchen, that means my step-sister Jenny is going to be cooking. And I use the word "cooking" loosely. It once took her 4 hours to peel a bag of potatoes; sitting, in front of the television. God himself only knows what kind of food hygiene offense she's going to commit against the turkey. This means that snacks will be out. My mom will then melt chocolate chips with heavy cream and a dose of peanut butter and put it out as "fondue" with bits of angel food cake and marshmallows for dipping. She'll also put out party platters of cheese, dips, celery, canned olives and crackers. Dinner should start at 4 pm, but won't be ready to serve until 7 pm or later. Jenny will make gravy from a packet, or a jar, and it will have an inexplicable burnt flavor. The stuffing will be from a box. The cranberry sauce from a can and cut into slices on the plate. There will be green bean casserole (which is just green beans from the can mixed with a generous amount of mayonnaise and topped with bacon bits) and my other step-sister will bring a jello salad thing. There will be multiple grocery store bakery pies for dessert. Salad fixings will be out and completely ignored, unless deemed a suitable ranch dressing delivery device. My step-father will carve the poor defiled bird (as if it hasn't already been though enough) and everyone will serve themselves buffet style. My step-brother-in-law and his son will eat the two whole turkey legs, and then one or both will fall asleep in the living room.

You know, for a bunch of fat people that constantly complain about obesity related illness they suffer they really don't have any sense of irony, or math, or common sense.

Don't get me wrong, I would never make fun of someone for being fat. Fat really isn't funny, but bad decision making skills and faulty logic are fair game. Besides, if I don't find something to laugh about when it comes to my family, I'll cry.

Here's how it goes down at my house. I have a 14 pound turkey, ready to go, already thawed (safely) in the refrigerator. It'll go into the oven around 11:30 (breast side down) for 4 hours at 350 f, at which time (give or take depending on the doneness) I'll flip it over for the last 15-30 minutes of cooking so the breast skin will be all pretty and golden brown and let it rest. I'll do cutting and prep for the whole spread before 2 pm, and start cooking the sides (cornbread, biscuits, stuffing, green beans, squash, carrots, potatoes, candied yams and cranberry relish) after 2 pm, whenever the turkey is done I'll use the giblets and drippings for gravy (because God is good and gave man the genius to invent stick blenders.) I'm making a pumpkin pudding (essentially a pumpkin pie filling without the crust) for myself and whoever wants any for dessert, as well as buying a few pies for the family tonight.

I know what I need to limit and abstain from in order not to blow my weight loss progress. I also have a huge stash of fresh veggies, fruit and salad that is going directly onto the table at lunch time for appetizers. I'm going to rock out this first of three face hole filling days in total and abject moderation and I'm going to have fun doing it.

Then I'm going to wash the dishes, put away the leftovers and play scrabble with my husband and kids.

Jumping jacks and motivation

Nov 18, 2012 - 0 comments
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Diet and Exercise

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intense exercise

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Weight Loss

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fat loss

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jumping jacks

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interval training

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emotions

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motivation



20 minute jumping jack workout. I watched the video all the way through, but I didn't do the workout. I know me, if I'm going to commit to doing that sort of workout twice a day for the next 4 weeks, I need to have a darned good motivation for it. Vague concepts like "being healthy" or "being skinny" don't do it for me.

It's one thing for me to do yoga, spin poi and dance-- because those are activities I find fun and interesting (except the yoga, I don't really like it so I mix it into the middle of other workouts as much as possible.) Even doing Pilates with resistance bands is fun because it's challenging and because it's kind of fascinating to see how these new moves are reshaping my figure and improving my flexibility. I can turn up the music and really push my way through.

The jumping jack workout looks hard though, it looks really sweaty and it's all just jumping jacks for 20 seconds with 10 second recoveries. The point is to burn off subcutaneous fat from all over, not just targeted areas, and I know I should do it. Subcutaneous fat I have in spades. "I need the fat gone" is too vague, too impersonal for me. I need to tap into something personal, something I care about, and something that makes sense.

Something that hurts me more inside than twenty minutes twice a day for four weeks hurts me on the outside.

That's what is really holding me up. Finding that one very specific reason, something that makes me mad enough to  sweat my *** off twice a day. I need one thing, one thought, one memory that can drive me through four weeks.

I haven't found it yet, but tonight I'm going to start the workout instead of postponing it any longer, I have one last 10 pounds to lose. I have time to spare when it comes to losing those 10 pounds before my goal date rolls along, so hopefully I'll find that motivation before I hurt too much on the outside to think about it.

I wish today had a "do over" button

Nov 17, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

poi spinning

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Diet and Exercise

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Diet

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calorie restriction

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counting calories



I came up short on calories yesterday. I sincerely would have thought that going over on calories would have been my problem, but no, I can't do anything right. I even screw up when it comes to failing at my diet. I was going to try to eat something else, I gave up and went to bed though because I wasn't hungry.

There is junk food here I could have gone for, that would have brought the number of calories up in no time flat, but I didn't really feel like having any.

I also got my chains and handles in the mail. Except I needed ball chains. I ordered ball chains. They sent me twist chains. I contacted them via email, but no word so far. If their customer service is anything like their shipping department I'm not expecting a prompt response. I'll call Monday morning and see if they'll fix their mistake, until then I'm going to use the chains they sent with my homemade tennis ball poi.

What a great way to make an impression on a new customer: charge $9 for UPS ground but mail USPS First Class shipping, mail late, and don't send the right order.

Too bad its not a good impression.

I did put in another order (for a full ball poi set) with another business because I was getting antsy about the first company, so maybe Monday or Tuesday I'll have a set to use and all will be right in the world.

Pretty sure most of my first week's weight loss was water weight

Nov 16, 2012 - 0 comments
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Weight Loss

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first week

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Weight

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caloric restriction

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Nutrition

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OCD



Almost positive of it.

The last time I lost a pound a day was in 1999 when I had a severe kidney infection and couldn't eat or even keep water down (or in) at all. Since I don't feel like death warmed over I'm thinking that maybe I was retaining quite a bit of water. I actually feel pretty good, my skin is clear and my body seems to be in working order.

This is really odd for me since my mom in her quest to justify her weight gains (my mom is morbidly obese) always says stuff like "I can't fit into those pants today because I'm bloated" and from the time I was about 9 years old cynically assumed that while she may have been retaining extra water her "bloat" more than likely involved the massive quantities of food she "snacked" on during the day. The sad thing about my mom is that she does legitimately have hormone issues that when unchecked do lead to weight gains, but ultimately eating 4000+ (sometimes double) calories a day and not burning nearly that many calories is not hormone related.

Between diet and exercise my calorie deficit works out to about 3400 (as of yesterday) and 3500 is 1 pound fat over 5 days, so I think my actual weight loss (what won't be gained back with water and sodium) is 1 pound. It's good, 1 pound in a week for someone my size is safe and healthy. One pound of actual fat loss is something to celebrate.

I might just celebrate this one pound loss with the purchase of a more accurate bathroom scale too. So if there's a spike or dive in my weight according to the weight ticker on my pages, it might be because I finally got a better scale. In the meantime I'll keep recording what my current scale tells me I weigh.

Here's the good the bad and the ugly so far:

The good is that I don't have crazy food cravings (pretty sure that's because I've been starting out with an apple when I wake up) and when I do have a hankering for something, it's relatively diet friendly. I honestly had no idea that an ounce of london broil had so few calories. I also naturally like foods that are legitimately healthier and lower calorie options than what people normally serve, last night I was pleasantly surprised to find out that a serving of  baked squash is only 80 calories (the butter and brown sugar were another matter, I definitely have to adjust the recipe there.) I dig variety, and potatoes or rice for a bulky side do get boring, so I'm not terribly distressed when they don't make it onto my dinner plate.

The bad, I'm not getting all the dietary fiber I need or should have, and I'm eating more fat and sodium than I realized. It's the hotdogs, Nathan's all beef hotdogs. I have to reduce my hot dog intake and increase my fiber intake.

The ugly, I'm mentally reviewing every stupid diet bandwagon my mom has ever tried and picking them apart, trying to discern where the diet failed and where my mom failed. This is actually far uglier than it sounds, because I have OCD, to stop obsessing I have to do a ritual (unhealthy) to relieve the stress with the obsessive thought or live with the stress and dismiss the obsessive thoughts (healthy.) I'm at the point where it can go either way depending on the way the rest of my day is going.

One persistent obsessive thought is "What if everything I think I know about eating right is wrong?" The argument my OCD gives me is that my mom often accepts stupidity as truth when it's convenient. A prime example is that if it's "homemade" that equals "healthy" and therefore "low calorie." I know that's not true (seriously, my baked cheesecake is homemade, "lovely" and "divine" but fat is the magic carpet upon which flavor rides, and I don't hold back on flavor when it comes to baking cheesecake so I know it's jam packed with calories and has very little nutritional value.) A lot of times this leads to me doing nothing at all for a while until I can't stand thinking the stupid thought anymore and ends with me standing on a step stool "organizing" the contents of the cupboard by nutritional labels. I've met people with worse rituals as well as people who stall out on decision making much longer than I do, but its still not a pleasant ride.

Another is "Did I forget to log something I ate?" I don't remember having a muffin, but if I did I should enter it into my diet diary right? I know! I'll go count the muffins and I'll know for sure. Then I stop whatever I'm doing and go count muffins. It actually takes less time to go count the muffins five times a day than to calm down and think "The reason I don't remember eating a muffin is because I didn't eat a muffin."

The reason why OCD rituals sound and look stupid and crazy is because they ARE stupid and crazy.