Am so sorry I have been MIA, I have been crazy busy!! And now I completely understand, I use to think to myself when people had their babies and then sorta disappear, why do they? It's not that hard to hop on real quick. Well hello!!

Anyway, the three of us are doing really well. Bryce just turned 6 weeks this past Tuesday and is making up for his smaller birth size, he was 7lbs 13oz at 4 weeks. He has started smiling but doesn't do it consistantly yet, were really looking forward to that. He is still working on finding a schedule too. He will go anywhere from 21/2 to 6 hours day or night between feedings and on some days will be awake all day and either fussy or happy or will sleep all day and only wake to eat. It's frustrating too because he will eat anywhere from 3oz to 51/2 and you cannot predict what it will be at any given feeding. We have it worked out that since Jason works all week, I get up with Bryce so he can sleep but come Friday and Saturday night, it's his turn!!

We just moved this weekend, the house we were renting went into forclosure so that's been hell!! I miss the house so much!! But we foud out are credit is in pretty decent shape so after this lease is up (1 year) we are buying and then not moving for a long long time!!!!!!!

The weekend before that though we got go celebrate Aidyn with other familys that have lost their precious babies with a walk. It was called A Walk to Remember. There was food and drinks, speakers, a memory tree, balloon release. It was a lot of fun and was so great telling every one about our baby boy and hearing other stories and giving and getting support!! Can't believe he has been in heaven for a year already!!

I won the dumbest mom award the other day. We have a pretty deep couch and we would set up the boppy facing the back of the couch. Well Bryce loved sitting there but we only put him there while we were sitting down there too. The other day he was fussy and I had just fed him and hour or so before his hunger attack but I ran to the kitchen (which the island in the kitchen was less then 5 feet away) and I could see his head on the couch. Well he wasn't crying just fussing when all of a sudden I heard him start screaming. He kicked the back of the couch with both feet (like he does while feeding and you take away the bottle to burp, he gets pissed) and fell off the couch. I took him to the ER and then check him, no bumps, no marks, he was eating fine, smiling and happier then before he fell but I still feel stupid!!!! How do you let your 6 week old baby fall off the couch. Luckily our couch is only like a foot high and he fell on a soft rug but that's not the point!! *sigh* don't know if I will ever forgive myself for that!!

Anyway, that's about what's new going on here!! I will put up recent pictures as soon as we get the computers set up, I can't post them from my phone. Thank you all for thinking of us, again sorry I've been busy!! All this broken sleep makes you lose track of everything!! Thanks for reading!!

My goal was to breastfeed for at least the first 6 months of Bryce's life. Well he couldn't latch on so they gave me formula to supplement in the hospital. He was eating it but didn't care for it from what we could see, he made faces the entire time he was eating. It was enfimil lipil. Well when we got home, we decided to try similac. Again, he made faces and it didn't fill him up, he didn't sleep well and we put him back on the enfimil untill my milk came in. I started pumping and was getting more then enough that he didn't need the formula. For 2 and a half weeks I had enough pumped milk for 9 feedings each day waiting in the fridge. Well I seen I was slowly getting less and started pumping more but it was taking me anywhere from and hour to hour and a half for maybe 6 oz and eventually gave him the last feeding that was in the fridge. I kept putting him to my breast but my nipples were so flat, the nipple shield wasn't helping, i was so uncomfortable because my breast are so large and heavy, he would get frustrated. I was told to rest, to eat more an drink more water. Well how am I suppose to rest and eat when I'm spending any time while the baby is sleeping, pumping so he can eat? Needless to say, this last weekend we had to start supplementing again. We had samples of enfimil and similac still so we gave him the enfimil. Well I know babies spit up but Bryce was spitting up every once he was eating about 20 minutes or so after he ate. After the third time I freaked out. He looked so helpless. He jut looked at me like, mom what's going on? It was projectile nor forceful it just kinda poured out of his mouth. And then of course he would feel fine. Jason calmed me down and got me to stop crying. He made me call the peds office instead of running to the ER (I was heading to the truck at the time) they gave me some advice, we went and got nestle goodstart which he really liked and did better but ended up spitting up again.  Not only that, he had gas so bad he screamed for an hour straight while I tried to massage his tummy, bycicle his legs and it wasn't until he finally spit up did he feel better. So yesterday I took him to his pediatrician who thinks he may have an allergy to cows milk and possibly a little reflux but it's a little early to diagnos the reflux. She gave me some samples of enfimil lipil gentlease and he loves it and has not spit up anything, other then normal spit up since. I felt so helpless and horrible, if I was still feeding him BM he would be fine!! I'm trying not to feel bad, I know a lot of babies are fed formula and are perfectly fine but all you hear is 'feed your baby BREASTMILK' 'BREAST is best'. How do you not feel bad when you can't? I'm still a good mom and I tried but society makes it seem like you're a horrible person for feeding formula.  Anyway I needed to vent a little an share my first scary mom moment!!

Your Screen Name: Asking4amiracle
Your Name (first name only): Amberlee
Baby's Name (first and middle names only): Bryce Deran
Baby's Gender: Male
Due Date: September 30 2009
Birthdate: September 15 2009
Weight: 5lbs 11oz
Height: 18in
Your Story: I went in for my normal nst and fluid check and while I was on the heart monitoring his heart rate dipped down to single digits and dissapeard for a few seconds and came back in the really low 100s. My nurse took it off and rushd it to the dr who then came in and explained that he thought the cord was being compressed. They unhooked me and sent me immediatly to the hospital for induction. We (my MIL and I) arrived at 4ish and Jason arrived shortly after. I was in my room and pytocin started at exactly 5:30. Contractions started picking up and 5 hours later, they checked me and my cervix was super soft and almost completely effaced but I was only 5cm. My OB wouldn't give them the ok to break my water an nurse kept saying that she thought if my water broke that things would move a lot quicker. Well since I wasn't dilating and yet my contractions were getting stronger and a lot more painful there was no way I was going to sit in pain for who knew how long so I got an epidural. That was at 12:15am. Well shortly after his heart rate dipped really low again so they spent forever moving me over side to side and then gave me an oxygen mask. His HR returned to normal but I started getting the worst pressure in my butt and felt he need to push. They checked me and I was complete. They called my OB and once she got there, 2 pushes and he was here at 2:48am. The cord was wrapped around his neck, arm and leg. Thus the heart decelerations. But he came out screaming and perfect and we could not ask for
more!! He is having some problems latching on and gets really tired while eating but he is doing much better this evening and we are expected to head home in the morning!! He is 5lbs 11oz 18in and so good!!!!!!

So I went to the Perinatologist today and again, my BP was high so they took blood (I have been ordered to do a 24 hour urine collect from my OB to which I will be doing Thursday and turning it in Friday) well they decided today that thy want to do an amnio tomorrow to see if his lungs are developed and if they are, I head in to the hospital Thursday to be induced. They are worried that even though I may not be showing signs of preeclampsia or have it showing in my test, they don't want it to develop in between testing so they figure it's best doing it this way.

In the mean time, I have been having more bowel movements today (TMI- and they are getting looser) and been having more contractions. They didn't check me today but they told me that his head is engaged and I have thinned out enough to feel his head. They said everything sounds good that he could be here by the weekend!!

I need prayers that his lungs are developed (I have FULL faith that the Lord has him ready for us) and prayers that labor goes smooth and quick. I can't wait to get the results of the amnio, and even more to meet my son!!!!!!!