Oh how many times are we going to go through this BFN process?  Why does it always have to be a BFN?  It is, what it is.  Mayo Rochester, here we come.

So I'm not sure if it is from the pizza I had for lunch, possibly AF making her presence known, or a sympton of pregnancy, but I've had some cramping this afternoon.  Then I wonder is it my mind just playing tricks on me?  This 2 WW is making me feel like I am losing my mind.  I have become so sensitive to every single feeling (real or otherwise) that has gone on in my body, that I think I am starting to lose my mind!  I found this cool IVF animanted slideshow that takes one through every day of the cycle, showing what goes on inside and based on that, the 8 POAS tests I got at costco yesterday would be of no use to me until the day of or perhaps one day before the beta.  
http://www.fertilitylifelines.com/advancedtreatments/art/cycle.jsp

So, back to sitting and waiting and wondering if at least 1 of those 6 embryos transferred will attach and make it (and whether I am not losing my mind, but there's something greater out there and it's working inside of me).  The wait continues...

It's been a long journey getting to this point, and I've found this cycle to be the most emotionally draining thus far.  DH and I have been more open in sharing our fertility issues with friends and family.  In a way it's a relief b/c apparently people thought I was a cold hard bi-atch not desiring to have children b/c I always kept quiet about what we were going through.  But now, my mother-in-law suddenly loves me like none other.  I guess I should have opened up about it sooner.

Anyway, we're doing back to back cycles and on:
5/8 we adopted a puppy who our 16 yr old is not terribly fond of right now - they'll get there
5/9 I had the egg aspiration - got 12 eggs
5/12 transferred 2 8-cell embryos, 1 6-cell embryo, 1 5-cell embryo, and 2 4-cel embryos for a total of 6 embryos.  We've transferred 5 before with BFN's so not terribly worried about multiples.  Increasing progesterone dosage from 2 cc's to 3 cc's this time
5/12 after transfer, laid on my back with 2 bean bags underneath my bottom and legs in hopes that gravity will pull the embryos to my uterus
5/13 Worked from home - hard to work on a laptop while laying flat on back.  Had a little bloody mucusy discharge
5/14 Back to work - couldn't have lunch with the lunch crew out of fear they would ask why I've been out.  Left work at reasonable time
5/15 Cried on my drive in to the office this morning, as I am terrified to face the beta on the 23rd. I don’t want to go through another BFN.  Late afternoon started to feel difficult to hold urine (this happened last cycle, too)
5/16 felt like I was developing UTI or getting Aunt Flo.  Started having serious bladder issues and slight pain at end of urination.  Going to the bathroom a lot more, too, so sucked down a gallon of cranberry juice that night.
5/17 multiple trips to the bathroom during the night and one trip I had pink spotting on toilet paper - hoping it was the cranberry juice, but I don't think so.  Reading everything I can find on the internet relating to pregnancy and UTI.  I've found a lot of cases where women experience this and find they are pregnant.  God, please let that be the case!  Going to Costco to get more unsweetened cranberry juice (and to see if they sell HPTs in bulk!).

This 2 WW is the toughest part of the process.  I just want to know...  

I've tried to remove all stress of this IVF cycle, by making peace with family, being open about the cycle with my boss, and trying to do everything as properly as possible. I still can't help but be worried about the success of the cycle and begin the negative self talk.  I want this for me and I want it so badly for my husband - the most generous, patient and thoughtful man around.  Big day on Wednesday...praying some of the funky sized eggs will fertilize. Dr said on Sunday that we have several, but all different shapes and sizes.  We thought it was a male facotr, but now I am beginning to wonder.  Saying our prayers!