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Day 11...FREE from tramadol!

Jun 20, 2013 - 0 comments
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day 11

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Life

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Work

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Depression

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Anxiety

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Vitamins



So its day 11. Crazy! Things are much the same, which is pretty good! I still have a dip in energy after work, but I can't really relate that to being off tramadol. Like I had said before, I think its still tricky to distinguish what is from that vs what is just life. I'm sure everyone gets dips of energy... during different parts of the day. That's why some people are morning people and some are night owls. And, you know, I think that regardless of if its related to coming off of tramadol or not... we can't blame EVERYTHING that happens on coming off the drug. If we do that then I think we set an unrealistic expectation of what "normal pill (substance) free life" should be. Hopefully that makes sense. :)

I've also had a little anxiety lately. I'm dealing with alot with my husband right now (you can see my other post in "living with an addict" for more of the story). The biggest thing is that I know I can't let him bring me down regardless. I just have to figure out the best way to handle him. How much am I "there" for him? How much do I put up with? When do I just say thats enough? His moods are so widely spread its hard to tell if I'll walk in the door to a supportive, energetic, seemingly sweet husband or someone who won't get off the couch and is lazy and unmotivated. All that is just a WHOLE different can of worms!

So, the biggest difference I'm feeling today is that this morning I actually forgot to take my vitamins that I had been taking each day. I had started 5HPT after 48 hours off of tramadol (the whole seratonin thing). I didn't know if it was really "helping" me or not, but I took it 2-3 times a day as directed on the bottle. It didn't seem to hurt so I figured I'd take it until the bottle ran out, since I had already purchased it anyways. I have never had a "depression" issue (luckily) so I wasn't taking it for that, but more to help my body start producing what it should have been producing on its own... like a "jumpstart" if you will. Today, I haven't taken it, and I feel down. Not depressed but not my upbeat self. I don't feel good about myself... maybe it's a bad day, hey, everyone had bad days now and again. OR maybe it's because my body isn't necessarily doing what it's supposed to be on its own yet. Like I said, I feel OK.... just not myself. I'll take it when I get home to see how I feel. Again, maybe the 5hpt is helping or maybe it's just an off day for me.... only time will tell.

The last thing I want to do is set an unrealistic expectation for myself.

Day 9... now things are becoming clear

Jun 18, 2013 - 0 comments

Well, here I am... 9th day! I feel great! I still have some bouts of anxiety and some times of being pretty tired but for the past 18+ months I have always had a pill or whatever to take if i needed help with either of those things. So its tough to distiguish at this point if what i am feeling is 'normal' or due to the lack of tramadol. I mean, we all have stresses in our lives, and times of being irritated, anxious and/or upset aren't abnormal so I'm not totally sold on these instances coming from being off the tramadol.... if that makes sense? We all can't be 150% energetic ALL the time. Let's be real. So as for me, I'm feeling great. My head feels much more clear.

What I'm beginning to see is what the tramadol was making me do in my life. Now that I'm without it and feel more in control and aware of my emotions and my actions, I am seeing things in my husband that is making me even more frustrated with this stupid drug!

My husband has been on tramadol for awhile too. His is prescribed from his doctor for an injury which he is due to have surgery on. He takes too much of it. He runs out early. His father gives him other pain pills (ie vicodin) because his father is a POS who has always been an addict, to be blunt. I don't see why a father would just pass out pain pills to their children.... beats me!? I know my husband has bought pills before. He has bought vicoden, percs, oxycodone by itself (whatever that's called) and at one point a little over a year ago I discovered he owed someone $1000 from pills he had gotten. Our finances are seperate. He insists on keeping almost $1000/month for his "own money". Which still leaves a good amount of his income to go towards bills, which I pay, but I DO NOT know, or understand where or how he can spend that much money every month. We've had this coversation a million times, and he immediately gets defensive. He says its for gas, eating out, ect. I call BS. I know how much things cost and how much I pay for things as well. He knows I think he's using it for pills but somehow it always gets flipped on me like I'm the bad person for "wanting all of his money". (Let me also disclose that I, infact make the majority of the income from working and this extra 1k is from an injury sustained in service so he feels it "belongs" to him)

So he just got his tramadol refilled and I know he's taking at least 8-10/day. A pretty decent amount. He gets super angry, flips out, like he can't control it. Last night he even did it to our child. He just started yelling for like no good reason because he got a little irritated. I had noticed myself doing that while on tramadol. Now I have been seeing that it wasn't me doing it, because since it has been out of my system I feel more calm and more in control. I know my husband "not on drugs" and that's not they way he is. Last night he was on tramadol and drinking. He didn't drink much but obviously not a good idea. We got into it after he was being so disrepectful to me.

I am at a loss at what to do. I know he has legit pain, but nothing to the extent that the abuse of these meds is called for. I do not believe you should be buying drugs off the street. I never have done that... unfortunately all mine came from a doctor, who apparently didn't know better or take the time to care about drug dependency til it was too late. I want my family together and I even want a second child before I get too old for it but to be honest, I am stuck. I love my husband but I don't like him right now. I'm not really sure what to do.

Thanks for hearing my vent...

On a positive note---- day 9 for me!!!!!!!!!


Day 4 Tramadol Free

Jun 13, 2013 - 2 comments
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tramadol

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day 4

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withdrawal

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Anxiety

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TIRED

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Vitamins



So today has been pretty good. I have had more energy and haven't been dizzy or restless most of the day. I did have a few hours after work of being really tired but I can't say that would necessarily be abnormal. I've been pretty calm too. When on tramadol I felt like I would get frustrated very easily and kinda lose my temper. I don't know if it's coincidental or not. Maybe others have noticed this?

Worked out this evening and felt normal... not clouded or anything like that.

Tonight, Just in the past like hour, I got a rush of anxiety. I feel restless and really anxious. I took my vitamins that I had been taking before bed but I didn't really feel better so I took a 1/4 of a xanax, which I hadn't had to use yet. (no worries, I'm not taking it often or even 2 days in a row) so I'm hoping it helps take this really anxious feeling away. I had some anxiety before I had been on tramadol. which is why I have the xanax script anyways.

So, overall, still feeling pretty good. Glad to be off tramadol. Surprised I feel okay.  

Starting day 4 FREE of tramadol

Jun 13, 2013 - 2 comments
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tramadol

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free

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symptom

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withdrawal



I slept last night and only woke up 1 time!! I didn't feel anxious, restless, or anything really.... and this morning, I feel.... GOOD. Not really shaky, not dizzy, but clear headed.

I don't know how this is even possible. Maybe I just expected so much worse because the lingering w/ds throughout my tapering process were just so nagging. I figured there was no way, if I was already feel like that tapering that i wouldn't feel 100x worse when I stopped. Maybe it was because it wasn't planned. I just went with the flow so there was no pressure. On day 2 I had about 6 hours or so that were pretty rough with those "flu like" symptoms but once I went to bed on day 2, I woke up without them. Yesterday was still a little foggy but had "windows" of time when I felt clear and today is even better.

What is so cool too is that since that rough night, i haven't really had a headache either, which is why I was put on tramadol in the first place. It's amazing how pain meds make you go in a vicious cycle.

Hoping today continues to be good....