Ranae's Weight Tracker Journals
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Up a Little

Oct 28, 2009 - 0 comments
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Well, I'm up a little but not concerned.  Have been eating healthy but haven't been drinking enough water so could be water weight AND I've not been formally exercising .. duhhhhh.

I know what I have to do .. just LOVE that this tracker reminds me ... I just have to be honest in posting!

Ranae's Weight Tracker

LOVE & Stumbling Blocks

Oct 27, 2009 - 0 comments
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Funny how once you identify the stumbling blocks, it is easier to continue your journey.  However, you must diligently be willing to do some self searching as to "what" and "why" you are continuing a negative behavior.

The friends here on MedHelp have been crucial in my support and recovery!  While I had unlocked many other obstacles myself, I knew three remained that I did not have the key to.

1.  Why did I never get angry?

2.  Why was I stuck between 199-210 lbs for a year?  What and where did this binging and purging come from?

3.  Why didn't I like myself underneath or treat myself well when I thought I was a nice person and deserved to be treated well?

These last three were opened with the loving and caring support of a friend (psychologist) and a therapist and crisis team at the hospital.

I understand now the events in my life that shaped these behaviors and that I developed those behaviors as survival mechanisms, even though they were unhealthy.  Understanding them has given me the key to unlock them, work through them in a positive manner, and continue on my journey.

Life is wonderful and the tough times help us grow in understanding and spirit ... they are not there to trip us up or to make us feel bad ... but to point us to a way to improve our lives and realize something is wrong that if we care enough to do the hard work and correct it ... we emerge in a metamorphosis.  

I am forever changed and am most grateful.  I sincerely thank all of you ... and my faith is renewed and stronger than ever.  

LOVE to all of you .. it is a powerful tool and needed by all!  Don't settle for less .. be all that you were meant to be!!!  I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!!



Ranae's Weight Tracker

Screwed my head on again ..

Aug 24, 2009 - 3 comments
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At long last my head is screwed on right again ... and my journey continues.  

What I have learned is ...

1.  You have to fake it till you make it ..
2.  Keep reading positive thoughts and surrounding yourself with positive and caring people.
3.  Talk to yourself in the mirror, forgive yourself and make each day a new day.
4.  Persevere.
5.  Difficult times and challenging choices bring about new growth and understanding.
6.  This is a lifestyle CHOICE and there is no need to feel deprived
7.  This CHOICE is my REWARD to MYSELF to be the best Me I can Be!!!
8.  Food is not a reward.
9.  It takes the unconditional love and support of friends and family to help you ... CHOOSE the people in your lives wisely.
10. Always count your blessings .. they are there if you look for them.

And, I never far from my thoughts .. I thank God for his love and caring and the blessings of my friends and family ... and each day of life.  

Ranae's Weight Tracker

A Hungry Day ...

Aug 10, 2009 - 3 comments
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Today was a "hungry" day ... and I am not sleeping well.  There are now 2 abscesses, one the size of a pencil eraser and the other about the size of a quarter.  There is also pain in my abdomen in another spot and just some diffuse pain.  I do not feel well and I feel nauseated.

Not eating food to fulfill any emotional needs .. YEAHHHH .. but am genuinely hungry and from the calorie count today .. need to try to make some more "filling" and lower calorie choices for tomorrow.  It bumped me back up to 204 .. darn.

Will also be heading to the doctor as I'm completing this at 3:31 am because I am awake due to the pain.  Trying to stand the pain and get a little work done .. before taking another pain pill ... and having to eat something so it doesn't upset my tummy (and yes, my tummy is empty) and going back to sleep.  

This not sleeping well and being awake most of the day and night .. is affecting the amount of food I am eating.  Got to get this abdomen/ abscess thing resolved.

Actually am sweating and the temp is 78 in the house.  Turned it down a few more degrees and am going to take my temp.  Still no temp .. but there never has been throughout this .. that is a good thing, I think.

Take care of each other .. I'm trying so hard to get back ....

Ranae's Weight Tracker