So frustrated from being depressed anxious and exhausted all the time....when is this going to lift, the exhaustion is killing me..i cant even function,,,i work all week barely getting through it, pretending im ok, which is exhausting too...then i have no energy left to do anything i want to or fun at night or on the weekend, i just lay around the whole time....waiting till i have to go to work again...this isnt living..theres so much i want to do, but i dont have the strenght or energy for it....i hate this.....i cant take anymore meds or up my dose of the one im on or swicth becasue i get nasty side effects....so what im suppose to suffer like this...miserably....i cant take it anymore....i have my degree, looking into going back to school, finally a ft job  i like, a bf...interests in doing things...but am too exhausted to do them.....I just dont understand....

Did okay today, not too much anxiety, saw that guy it was uncomfortable, but i got through it and didnt talk with him so i gues that kind of helped....not sure if this is just a after effect of taking the abilify the other day, i hope not, i just want to feel better soo badly...i felt almost normal today...like i want to, im tired now but i took my effexor too late, I also took a vitmain that is suppose to help with energy mind and body, so maybe that helped a little...i hope..plus saw the bf and played with his 2 year old niece which is always fun....

So I thought i would take a little little piece of abilify to help my effxor work better, ya no, it gave me sucha a heacahe and put me to sleep all saturday and most fo today...I  didnt do as damn thing this weekend, i had no fun i felt sick and miserable the whole time..Im tired of this i want to be the person i was before this deep depression kicked it...i want to not feel sick everyday to be able to function and work, if i could work, some of my stressors will go away: ill be able to pay bills and get out of debt, keeops me busy from thinking, meet some friends which i need despaerately, and get health inscurance..righ tnow i can only work oar titme and that takes to much out of me...i mean  if need be ill stay depressed but this physical  stuff its causing or the meds are causing is terrible, i justr cant ake it anymore.....

Im so sad and miserable all the time..I just want to feel some kind of happiness...now my anxiety has been acting up terribly an di just cant take it anymore..whenerv i think about this guy i like its hurts so much, i think alot about our past and how ill never get to be with him again cuz hes married, i just want it to go away and stop i dont want to think about it anymore...i thought he was the one and we would have a fam together and a house, but he has those things with other people, now i see hmi everyday at work and i just cant take it anymore, i wish i never went back there, i was fine before i saw him again and now all those feelings come bacck.....i just cant do this anymore..........i dont knwo if its exasperated cuz i was depresed before and seemingly getting worse, and maybe if i was happier it wouldnt biother me so much? i dont know, all i know is i dotn want to wake up anymore, im sooo miserable with my life...i dont know what to do.....i need help but noone listens.....im just so sad...