Well I am currently divorcing, yes i know all of you must be feeling so sad for me but don't be. I have been happier since the separation. I cannot remember the last time when I was perfectly happy. Yes I had lost everything with the separation; I do have to start all over; and considering how he used to treat me I would rather start from the bottom than be comfortable with all my physical possessions and get abused on a daily basis. I was really good at hiding my situation from family and friends but I came to the point I was becoming too weak to handle even the smallest argument.

My conditions are getting worse, they are now thinking my fibro is RA because the severity of the symptoms.
I am about four months over due for my last lp and same amount of time over due for my VP shunt. However I don't have insurance so it is going to continue to wait.

I do have a social security appeals court date set for dec 14th with me luck!

The kids are doing well, unfortunately my 4 yr old cj is in Massachusetts with my x.
As for princess baby she is 17lbs crawling threw the house like a mad women. she says a couple of words but her fav being dadadadadada she does say mama when shes chz'd off.

Well that my update I will add pictures once i get a chance to go to the other computer.

Well I will start with this...

I have had anxiety all of my life, but for the past ... approx. 5-6 years anxeity has been a HUGE part of my life. And for maybe 2 years it has ran my life, however I had no idea how much of my life it was in control of.

I was on and off of zoloft for years for depression and I am going to say if you have SEVERE Anxiety I would not say you should even look at a zoloft bottle.

I can't even give you the symptoms that I was going threw it just made me feel like I was much sicker than I actually am. I always felt like **** and every single time my chest would hurt or I would have pain period which I have a chronic pain disorder and my other one causes alot of pain as well. I would freak out and spend hours on the computer looking up my symptoms as I was shaking and panicing thinking I was going to have a heart attack and hyperventalating. The past few months my anxiety was at it's worst and recently I had a panic attack that lasted 2 and a half hours before I left for the doctors and he gave me lexapro, well guess what lexapro has saved my life. I am now free of my anxiety and everyday gets better.

It is so weird it's like I am feeling and seeing everything for the first time in years like I just got out of jail even my shoulders feel slunched, like the weight has been lifted right off of them.

Please if you have anxiety don't just take xanax like I did at first don't just go to therapy ask you doctor about lexapro... I mean for those of you have anxiety all day everyday and it wont get the f*** on.

Also any of you who have yet to talk to me at all but suffer from anxiety and panic attacks you can talk to me about you panic attacks, no I don't judge you for anything and yes I will know exactly what you are going threw. I will gladdly be here for you, because as my anxiety/panic attacks were at it worst I left it all bottled in because I thought everyone would think I was nuts and I think it only made matters worse!

hope to hear from some of you

- Bethanie T

As if I was not ill enough to begin with, anxiety, ADD, PTC and FM now I have low blood sugar and have to control that aswell. What I could eat was already limited due to my egg allergy now it's just cut down more. Not that losing weight by basically following close to the atkins diet wont do me some good. How did I discover this... Well all the sudden I went from having my stuff managed to suddenly getting dizzy and staggering when I walked, getting grumpy. Feeling completely sick when I thought all was getting better and not to sound like a boob but I knew it wasn't my meds considering I have been on the same medication for over two years now. The only thing that has changed is the doses of my pain meds and diamox but not the medication it's self. Also the meds were uped months ago so why now 3 months after the doses increased would I show side effects that are disterbing my daily life... I wouldn't. I felt for about a month that I was trapped inside of my body screaming out for help and no one was listening. Which I did in fact try to talk to my family about my current situation and they blew me off. They all figured it was just my normal illnesses and yes as you all know fm and ptc can do strange things to a person but I have been going threw those for a while and I knew this was something native. So needless to say I have been on my new diet for a couple of days now and no I don't feel 100% improved however I am begining to feel semi normal. I am having occassional but not long lasting dizzy spells. However once I counteract those with protien it goes away quickly. I swear to you all I want to be put out in a hospital with each type of speacialist in the room running test so by the time I wake up I know that no other crazy illness will come along and make my crazy for about a month untill we figure out what ELS is wrong with me.  Well now I am done ranting for the moment I will talk to you all shortly.

Well I have fibromyalgia now too!! Let me tell you my story again and why now I am a women of faith and nothing but, yes it will be a shortened version because I am being a lazy bum this morning. Well when my son was sick in the womb I prayed to god to give me his illness and he did I know have a 23 mo old healthy as a horse and I have pseudo. Now knowing that god has done that for me once, and you all remember the term oil during my pregnancy with my daughter, guess who made that prayer once more me, in exchange for my daughters health and guess what happened she is healthy as a horse no heart problems at all, out of the blue no doctor could explain the fluid around her heart did not get any larger, did not cause any damage what so ever and she does not have a heart problem any more but guess who has another illness, mama. God gave me fibro in exchange for my daughters health, two condition, neither one will kill me nor prevent me from caring for my children, but will both be life long as theirs would have been. Every time I get upset about being sick I will hold the child whos illness is being hard on me for the day and I will look at that beautiful baby and no longer be upset but proud that I could take their pain away before it was actual pain and guess what if I could turn back the hands of time I would not change a thing I would do it again and I would do it again for another child. There is nothing I would not do for my children. Including begging god for miricles which may make me ill in the end.

Now as far as how I am doing with these illnesses not bad, I am now on a stronger pain med. Unfortunaly I have to take two close together in the morning to beat my morning headache but it works and last most of the day. I am on ritalin for add and let me tell you I don't know if I am really add and don't really care, the ritalin is doing wonders for my memory I am not forgetting where I am putting things and I now remember the most of my past plus my crippling sleepyness all day has simmered down to a meer yawn. I will be going up to twice a day as I turn into a extremely tired bumbling idiot around 2 pm every single day but besides that my stuff is getting in order. however as far as working, I am unsure if I can pull that off but you best believe I am going to try my best.

The in-laws have moved in now, things are going ok. I have had to breath counting backwords from ten a few times so far but I am on zoloft, I was going to go off of it until I noticed I was getting really upset when my things were getting ruined I was crying and twitching so for now zoloft stay so I can be as calm as mary popins.

now for the baby and children.... baby is doing well she went from 4lbs 9 onces to 8 lbs 1 once in fize weeks and now that she is 7 weeks we have to get her weighed again she gaining wonderfully and mom has lost 28lbs :--))) the other children are doing good as well my six yr old is loving school more than ever, my five year old has become the mother hen of the home and will not leave briannas side for nothing, except the computer. My 3 years old thinks he's boss man now that daddy has taken on a million hours to make up for what mom has been lagging and my 23 month old is still being my little baby man, I have to hold him and bri bri at the same time it like double the lovins for the mama. Well I think I have hit ever note so I will get back with you all later... by the way send me a message and let me know how you all are doing as well I will be able to catch up now, I believe I will be on here close to every morning. ttyl