I've come to the conclusion that I will probably always be a failure at whatever I do. I will always get hurt and be in hurtful situations and I will always be a disappointed. I will always be unhappy. I am not a strong person even though I try and I am getting weaker each day. Yesterday I attempted to OD but was stopped and today I'm not feeling much better in the emotional level. I just don't think I can deal with any of this anymore....

Bipolar I Craziness

Right now I am really suicidal. I haven't been to any classes. I have been sleep all day. I want to cut. I don't know what to do? I don't know how to fill. I posted the following in the abuse forum but then I wanted to journal and didn't feel like typing it over....

Well, My boyfriend and I have been together almost 1 year and yesterday he came over and we had the best day ever. We did have sex earlier that day and then later that night I stuck in back into my dorm room because it was after visitation hours. We were in bed watching movies and he got horny and he started kissing me and stuff and then he entered. This may be too much info but I think  I just recently got over a yeast infection so I'm still a little sore down there and  so it hurt a little when he enter. I told him to stop I was tired and it hurt and he kept going  for a few minutes but then he stop and pulled out. He sat there a while and started masturbating and roll over to sleep but then he got back on top of me and I asked him to please stop and everything but he didn't and then he was like he could go home and I didn't want him to leave i just wanted him to stop so I started crying and then he was like this will just be a few more minutes and he kept going and I kinda of just took it I didn't even fight I quit telling him to stop and I just laid there until he finished. I felt so violated and I just laid there and cried and he looked so guilty and he kept asking me was I mad at him, but I didn't know what to say. I finally just went to sleep and then today I didn't go to any classes. My head hurts and everything and I don't know if this is how I should feel right now. Like I love him and I am confused by this....

Bipolar I Craziness

I'm emotionally and physical exhausted right now. This week has already been far to long when it is only 2:08 on a tuesday morning. I am so tired of no sleep and f*cking swing bipolar moods and money issues and school issues and f*ucking everything issues. I wish I had a razor in my reach right now. I am just so tired. I feel so un motivated and so hopeless...So lost in this mess called my life...when does it get better...or does it...when do i get back to a normal state? When does the f*cking suffering stop? Why can't I get through this? WHY!!! Why can't I bring myself to trust God! Oh wait I f*cking no why because the more I tried to trust the more f*cked up my life seems to get. What do i do? People keep telling me God puts me through this for a reason but this is not right! It isn't I am two young to have been through as much as I have in my lifetime. This is too much for me! Does this black hole ever end

Bipolar I Craziness

I am so excited about my birthday being friday. i hope this year is a great birthday. I really do. I haven't had a good birthday in a while and I just want a good birthday

Bipolar I Craziness