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Dream

Jan 12, 2013 - 0 comments
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dream

,

ex-boyfriend



Had a nightmare about my ex. He just yelled the most hurtful things to me when I called him.  Can't remember why I called. I got off the phone and felt like my spirit had been crushed. Don't know why I even thought of him.

Depression

Jan 01, 2013 - 0 comments
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Depression

,

depressed



Really depressed and thought about suicide a few times today. I feel unimportant, like mostly I suffer all the time and I feel hopeless. Everywhere I look are couples, turn on the tv and almost everything is about relationships (thank you to whoever made animal planet cuz its the only channel i can watch without being thoroughly depressed), get on facebook and everybody's in a relationship and talking about it. Just brokenhearted and stressed I guess. Doesn't help that I didn't have to go to work all day so I've just been in bed all day moping. **** my life. I'm just sitting in solitude hoping for the feeling to pass soon. I know I'm not good company to be around right now so maybe solitude is what's best for me. I now feel like I can't leave the house anymore. I have more problems sleeping now and wake up late in the afternoon.  I've taken anything I can get my hands on to get to bed at a decent hour but none of it works. All i have time for is work... after that it's too late to leave the house by myself. I never meet anybody when I do manage to get out of the house and find it awkward initiating conversation although I try anyway. I feel extremely lonely but then again, I always do during the holidays. Oh well...

Depression

Dec 22, 2012 - 0 comments
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Depression

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Work

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Life

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depressed

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TIRED



I just found out that a co-worker with less seniority got to double shift last week.  I told the full time sup that I was upset about it and then I heard from Tommy that it happened again. I was hoping that Teresa and I could file together but now Teresa's backing down.  I tried to talk to my parents about whether or not I should file but it just made me more mad and depressed.  Seems like the supervisor that overlooked me (Shawn) has something against me.  Word on the street is that now that he's back, he might become our supervisor after peak season. If that happens, I might get to work some double shifts but I'd have to deal with Shawn again, which I'm hating. Tommy told me yesterday that Shawn wants to stay on the midnight shift which probably means no more double shifting.  The whole situation just makes me hate my job. And at the end of my conversation with my parents about it, I realized that I'm stuck at UPS. I've put out tons of applications and nobody will call back and I have no clue why they hire other ppl instead of me.  I just know that I've tried multiple times to find another job and it never worked out.  The idea that I'm stuck at UPS until I retire makes me want to jump off a ****** bridge.

Add to that the fact that we're not celebrating xmas this year cuz my parents would rather be in Tulsa.  I'm sick as hell with a cold, gaining weight and my self-esteem is quickly plummeting. I haven't really been out of the house in months, it seems like the few ppl I did talk to have disappeared. Facebook is no longer a social outlet option. And I just cried thinking to myself, "What's the ****** point?" Whoever said life is suffering wasn't lying. I'm so tired of this ****. I just keep gettin screwed and I can't catch a break...

Dream

Oct 16, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

dreams



We were at our old house in the backyard and it was Fall weather. There was an apple tree full of peacocks. But these were no ordinary peacocks. They were about 3 ft tall and nested high above in the apple trees.  But these were no ordinary apple trees.  The apples were as huge as watermelons,  green colored and the peacocks gathered them and used them as their nests. I went outside and disturbed the tree, a huge green apple fell to the ground and then a peacock followed.  I backed up and started heading for the back door as they followed me slowly.  I ran into the house and left them outside behind me.  They returned to the tree.  I went to tell my mother and by the time we walked back together to the apple tree, most of the apples were gone and so were the peacocks.  My dad was out there with tree trimmers cutting the tree down. I began throwing any type of ball I could at the tree to knock down the remaining peacocks. A tennis ball, basketball, soccer ball. Finally there were no more apples... dammit, I wanted some of those huge apples. Daddy told me not to eat any of the apples because they were bitter and rotten because the peacocks "fertilized them". The peacocks were all gone. I gave the balls to some little boys who were playing on the other side of the fence. They refused them so I sat the balls down next to the fence just in case they changed their minds.

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To see a peacock in your dream represents spring, birth, new growth, longevity, and love. It is a good omen, signaling prestige, success and contentment in your relationship or career. Alternatively, the peacock signifies pride, confidence and vanity. You may be showing off too much or are overly arrogant with your success and achievements. A peacock may also suggest that many eyes are watching you.
You want to be admired but will be disappointed. Maybe you are too ambitious.

In particular, to see green apples represent developing love or love that has yet to blossom. if the apples were green, bitter, or tainted in some way then you are in danger of losing something through mistake or foolishness that you would have otherwise gained.

To see rotten or eaten apples in your dream indicates that whatever you are striving and aiming for may not be fulfilling, and even harmful to you. It may also represent neglect and carelessness.

To see an apple tree in your dream symbolizes grandeur and magnificence.
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My father said the peacocks were what i think of ppl and the apples are my expectations of ppl.