One thing that really irks me is the ignorance surrounding animal rights.  I may be a vegetarian, but I'm not an activist.  I have other reasons.  But what I'm trying to stress is abandoned animals that live one to two years outside or get run over or have their litter sold.  Yes, this happens.  I picked up a very sweet kitty who was abandoned by some stupid college students (the majority of the people who abandoned the animals in my town) and she hasn't been fixed.  How do I know this?  She has been visiting my friend's apartment, meowing.  She had kittens and some morons took them and SOLD THEM, leaving her behind all alone.  I already have two cats and a dog.  I <3 this kitty already but I don't think I can keep her.  I may be leaving for Hong Kong.  I want to, but if I had to keep an animal, I would keep Echo because she is my baby.  However she's super territorial.  Right now the kitty is with me in my room since it's the only room that has a door.  Echo is Siamese and she's freaking out.  ;;sigh.  Today was okay.  Very, very, VERY windy.  I saw Kristen.  I made a friend.  I found typewriter tape and I found a sweetheart of a kitty.  However when I was driving to see Kristen, there was a Husky RUNNING UP THE INTERSTATE.  I actually felt ill.  It was too late for me to stop, so I hope he/she was rescued.  Fingers crossed.

I'm having a lot of issues.  Money, love, stress ... it goes on and on.  I don't know where to begin.  I am never on this website because I always talk to J.  I love her to death but I wish I had someone else to talk to.  I talk to her way too much - I am way too dependent on her and I feel like a bad friend, but I don't know what I'd do without her.  Ah, the power of the cell phone.  I am a pretty non-materialistic person but I don't know what I'd do without the phone.  There are so many times she's pulled me out of a funk that waiting for a letter via mail just wouldn't have arrived in time.

Nico is gone as of now.  What am I doing?  Cleaning and packing of course.  I am going to post stuff along King Street and then when I have time, I'm going to post elsewhere.  I don't think anyone is going to return her - she's too nice of a dog.  Who wouldn't want to keep her for free?  :(  I feel like a bad owner.  I turn around and she's gone.  I seriously think someone took her.  She's extremely friendly and everyone loves her.  Honestly, I think I know who took her but I'm not going to pursue it.  There was this man who was way too interested in her and when I was calling her name out, he peeled out of the parking lot when he saw me.  I don't know.  I'm not trying to point the finger, but I just don't know where she is.  She is chunky and can't go for more than five minutes.  She knows how to get to R and D's and after that, she just waits.  When she catches her breath after like, two hours, she walks back to my apartment and that's it - her five minutes is up, she waits.  But she's not waiting at either place.  I'm waiting.  R and D are waiting.  I don't know what to do.

A-hole is home.  Joyous.  She's always a good time.  Every time something bad happens, it just piles on - CW, yeast infection, flea bites (from Nico), back pain, insomnia, break outs because of CW, A-hole, Nico missing, stress of airlines, etc.  It goes on and on.

I just got my PC back, so hopefully everything will be running smoothly.  :/  Something else is going to go wrong.  I know it will.  This is realism.  Peace out.  I'm too depressed.

My back has been killing me.  Stress really hurts.  Nico "ran" away.  I don't believe it.  She isn't like this - I think someone took her.  She's extremely friendly and I took my eyes off of her for about five minutes then she was gone.  She can't run very fast, nor can she go far because she's lazy.  Seriously, five minutes in and she won't budge.  So I don't know where she could have gone.  Why is this is in my pain journal?  I'm heart broken and I feel like a bad person for letting her go.  :(  I hope she comes back, I miss her stink breath.  I just hope that whoever took her, if they don't give her back, they will take good care of her.

There are rules to every family, mine is no exception.  However, I don't believe mine are quite vanilla.  I dream when she's home or near by, whether you want to believe that or not.  I don't call it anything, in fact, I just shrug it off.  But today was different.  It started out fairly normally, though.  I was cleaning out of obsession and then R rang and said to come up to Colby and Charity's.  I took a shower and then she rang to say A-hole was there and to hang low.  I told her I was going to do laundry, but in the end, she ended up being there while I was still there.  I was trying to watch The Spirit for like, four hours (no kidding - it was so boring and I didn't even finish it).  I had given Nico a bath, so she was tied outside the door and effing A-hole LET HER IN.  I'm not an aggressive person, but when she came in and did her "I'm better than you" walk past me, I wanted to punch her square in the face.  She gets away with everything and I'm treated like scum.  No, the scum of scum.  So R asked me to leave because "D has been with his friends" and A-hole was still there.  "D being with friends" means he'd be coming home drunk off his *** and it would probably turn into WWIII with the combination of A-hole, Alex, D, R, and myself.  No one thinks it's fair that I have to bow down to A-hole.  Like I said, I usually just shrug it off because there's nothing I can really do about it.  I'm not going to dwell on it.  I have my own life to figure out and I just don't care anymore.  I don't hate her, I really don't - I just am not trying anymore.  No one can make me feel guilty for not trying to be her sister again.  When she grows up and realizes what a biznitch she is and how horribly she's treated everyone along with the fact she's a pathological liar, manipulating sociopath, demonic narcissist - then maybe we'll be sisters again.  Who knows?  When she wants to be friends, I'll be friends; I'll be her other half again.  I just don't think - scratch that - I know that it's not going to happen anytime soon.  I love her, and it's unfortunate because she isn't deserving of all that she has received.  

I would just love to be the one who gives her a taste of reality.  I would like to have her come crying to me about how superficial she is and has made her life.  Ugh.  I want to say I'd like to second think about helping her, but I can't.  God.  Yes, God.  Please God, give me the strength to detach myself from these reckless feelings.  Do your healing and heal her - let her know just how evil she has been to other people.  Please.  I don't know if I believe in you and that just emphasizes my faith, but I figured I'd give it a try.  I'm not trying to say I don't have growing to do - I believe life is an eternity of knowledge.  I just ... don't know anymore.  I think you've given me a **** load of "mysterious" circumstances but if you're real, then you've either given me the guidance to find surrogacy in others or you had them find me.  Fate, reincarnation, the trinity, etc.; it's too much.  So, please.  Please give me peace of mind and strength to keep at this constant struggle.  It's a challenge but that's what I'm always seeking.  Sometimes it feels like too much and I break down, but whether there's something in my heart that says "perk up" or just my PTSD and lameness, I'm still alive at 23.  I don't want to be 23 or a day older, but You or whatever keep me here.  I keep myself here.  Or something.  I don't know.  I'm afraid that if I have faith in You, that's just going to complicate my life even more.  I don't have anything against your devoted followers, but honestly, they scare me.  Their prayers are like creepy chants and sermons are like watching a mentally retarded group during a class.  

I guess what I want is peace of mind and strength to help me along these rough days.  If you're watching, you know they're rough and maybe that's funny to you.  (I think it's kind of funny, too, so that's okay.)  Heal me?  Am I allowed to ask for that for myself?  Or is it restricted to others only?