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Our Consult :(

Nov 24, 2015 - 21 comments

Oh gosh, where do I start?  

Our appointment was at 10 and we didn't get back there to see the Dr. until 11. He went over our records and Brian's analysis and told us that he had no idea why Brian on our first analysis had some sperm and on our last 2 had none.  So off we go to get checked out.  They sent us for a new SA, then I had to have a checkup/pap smear.  We met with a nurse and then had blood work done.  Brian's new SA that day showed ZERO sperm. :(  So he's sending us to a urologists down there that he corresponds with.  He said he'll do an ultrasound to see if Brian has sperm but they're blocked for some reason and if so he can extract them then and freeze them for when we're ready and if he doesn't see any at all he can do a biopsy and hope there's some in the biopsy.  

It's definitely not the news I wanted.  I was SO hopeful that after Brian being off of Clomid for about a year that he would have something again, but alas, we have nothing.  He said if we could find at least 100,000 he could work with that, especially since we're doing IVF and ICSI.  

I don't know how to feel really.  I guess numb?  Confused?    We didn't get home until after 4 yesterday evening and I guess between the stress of everything my headache turned into a full migraine. I didn't even have a chance to go through the buttload of paper work they gave us.  I came home and was in bed by 6:30.  So today I guess you can say is my "pity me" day.  I've cried several times.  I know we have other options, but it's devastating knowing that you may not have your own biological child.  Yes he/she would totally have my half, but I guess it's weird because I've always imagined myself saying things like "Omg you get that from your daddy" and now I think that if we don't find anything and we go on with DS, then technically, he/she won't have any of his traits, characteristics or whatever you call it.  I dunno, just got a thousand things going through my head today.  

So that's our consult in a nutshell.  

Thank you all So much from the bottom of my heart for all the kind words of support and all the prayers.  I've said it before and I'll continue to say it, I don't know where I'd be without you ladies.  <3

Fertility clinic visit Monday.  

Nov 19, 2015 - 15 comments

So as usual my nerves are creeping back up on me now that our visit is 4 days away.  I do have a question though.  

I know they're going to do a semen analysis.  Will we know the results while we're there?  They said our first visit will be 2-3 hours long and was hoping to know the results.  

Panicking over IVF pricing?

Nov 04, 2015 - 10 comments

Ladies, I just got this in the mail today.  I wanted just an idea and now I'm panicking. I thought I had enough for the IVF, with ICSI and possibly the meds but now I don't think I do.  Am I going to need ALL of this???  I know I'll need the whole IVF and the ICSI and possibly the TESA but ugh, that's a lot more than what I have.  I know I shouldn't be panicking already, I haven't even had my first appointment but I can't help it.  Ugh!!  Also someone mentioned programs to help with fertility meds, do they help with a percent, all of them or how does that work?

Yeap, I'm a stresser, already given myself a headache over this and I just got it in the mail about 30 min ago.  Blah!!  

Finally!!!  Hopeful, SCARED!!  Ugh!!

Nov 02, 2015 - 26 comments








Just wanted to share with all you ladies that finally, FINALLY after all these years, we're about to enter our IVF journey.  We've been trying to raise and save the money and honestly I just about lost all hope that it would ever happen.  Trying to save and raise that kind of money is almost impossible  but a miracle happened and we're going for it.  My emotions are all over the place.  Inside I feel happy, hopeful but then the fear takes over.  My one shot, ONE shot and I just pray that's all we need.  I know there's no more after this one and I just break down.  I have no idea how to handle all of these emotions, especially the negative ones.  Any advice on that?  I know I should just try to try to be positive but gosh it's so hard.  

I've been emailing the Fertility Clinic and I have this huge packet.  OMG so much to fill out for IVF.  What to do with our eggs, donate or store them when we're done.. OMG!!    

And here I am with the sperm issue.  We haven't had Brian checked in awhile in hopes of SOMETHING being there on his next SA.  I've read where there can be sperm there, but unable to get out.  They'll do an ultrasound see if there's any and use a needle to extract them. I told Brian about this and he just giggled because I said "Oh if there's some, they'll get it" and he giggled after I told him how.  I know he's totally okay with this.  Ladies, if you pray, please pray they find something.  I would love a child, NO MATTER how, but we all want our own if it's possible.  This is going to be a new everything to us.  I'm a stresser(I just made that a word lol) and I've always been a stresser, I can't help it.  I just pray I'm able to handle this, mentally and physically, that Brian is able to also AND we get our long awaited BFP in the end.  

Also, I was wondering.  How many visits do you think Brian would have to go to?  I'm going to call them this morning to get our first one set up, but I was just curious.  

Thank you ladies SO much.  I never thought this would be possible, I've held on to very little hope and I'm so thankful I did.  It's happening and I can't believe it.