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Random - Poker

Mar 13, 2010 - 1 comments
Tags:

poker

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ignored

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unwanted

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alone



I could have handled the situation better.  I could have been the greeter, instead of the waiter.  I could have done everything a little differently.

Tonight was Friday night poker.  I arrived maybe two minutes late, and the one table I play at had already started (in my mind: thanks for waiting, you knew I was coming).  When I arrived, no one greeted me, or acknowledged me.  Certainly not in any fashion that generally is done for when someone arrives.  It made me feel alone, unwanted, intruding.  It was frustrating.  I could have greeted the table.  I could have just ignored it.  I could have smiled and told my brain to shut up.  However, I did none of those things.  I will try to learn from this mishap.

Day Two On 1 mg

Mar 13, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

Abilify

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Weight gain

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adderall

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Work

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irritability

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increased appetite



So today is day two, of me taking 1 mg of Abilify.  I can already tell, just like day one that 1 mg does not seem to be as effective in deterring my irritability and agitation.  It's better, but not where I know I could be/have been; so that is frustration in itself.  Secondly, I forgot to "stock up" on my Adderall, for when I do 3 shifts at work, so I could only take the Abilify Friday morning.  I definitely noticed an increase in my appetite all through the morning and into the afternoon.  It was terrible that I didn't even bother weighing myself today.  I did remember to refill my stock today though, it's just a hassle since it's a narcotic; I need to be more careful with it.

I am tired and my back pain seems to be magnified by it.  I know I will love my pay check when I get it; however, all these extra OT hours are getting to me.

Back To Updating

Mar 11, 2010 - 2 comments
Tags:

Abilify

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adderall

,

psychiatrist

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agitation

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mood swings

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genetic testing

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Anti-Depressant



It's been about a week, since I wrote.  Last Friday I was finally weaned off the Abilify, and yesterday I was able to see my Psychiatrist earlier than scheduled.  We talked, and it was actually a good talk, but he did put me back on Abilify.  It was my choice though.  He mentioned that my body might just hold onto the medication a little longer than most, and that I appear to be backwards from most people.  Well, I could have told him that!  I am now at 1 mg of Abilify.  Meaning, I have to cut those tiny 2 mg pills in half.  It's a hassle, but I plan on doing a bunch at once, so I don't have to worry about it everyday.  There was also talk about putting me on an anti-depressant, depending on if the 1 mg does the trick.  He even mentioned about genetic testing for me, but it seemed like a far off possibility.

The main reason I like Abilify is because it seems to work well with the Adderall, and it really does cut down on my agitation.  However, since Abilify is an anti-psychotic medication, it shouldn't have made me manic... BUT then again if I am wired backwards like my Psychiatrist said I might be, it could explain it.  Either way I am hoping to stay on the Abilify, and then I am hoping to find a medication that can make my moods a little more stable (not so up and down during the day).

Enough.

Mar 05, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

hand tremors

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brain fog

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confusion

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Memory loss



Feel like I've already explained this so many times.  Maybe I'm just a narcissist right now, and want to talk about myself.  Either way, I figured I need to write it in my own journal about what went on today.  I suffered from brain fog, memory loss, decreased appetite, disorganized and repetitive thoughts and speech, hand tremors, slurred speech, confusion, etc.  All day I was up and down.  Still probably more up than down, but enough is enough.

Calling my Psychiatrist's co-worker tomorrow.  Lets hope he's available.  I need to know what to do.  I can't take this.