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... and I creep back

Jun 09, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

Insomnia

,

medication

,

lithium

,

risperdone

,

Ambien

,

vyvanse



It has been so long!  Too long, since I've been on here... I feel so disconnected from all the other BP members on here still.  It disheartens me.

I went through a terrible, deep funk for over a month.  I barely functioned, hardly moved or socialized unless I had to.  I became the most suicidal I have ever been in my life as well... but I survived.  I don't feel proud of that fact though... just hoping I never experience those feelings again.

Lithium, the dreadful 'L' word that I haven't heard good things about... if anyone could tell me their successes while on it, I would appreciate it greatly.  It however, was my last option.  I had tried all of the other medications out there for BP... and it finally came down to trying Lithium.  It seems to be helping, seems to be keeping me more stable... but I am also taking Risperdone as well... and Vyvane and Ambien to keep my ADHD in check and to help me get my rest.  Unfortunately, it seems as if the Ambien no longer helps me, as it is also 2 o'clock in the morning, and I am still up... and for the past four days I have only totaled 6 hours in sleep... averaging two hours a night... but more like in the afternoon.

Does this post seem scattered, discombobulated?  It does to me.  It doesn't seem very coherent or cohesive to me at all... I am starting to dislike this post, but will post it anyway.

Rut

Apr 13, 2009 - 1 comments

I feel like I am falling in a rut again... everything is a lie, and a sham.