Jun 24, 2009 11:10AM
- comments
I'm sorry that I have not been visiting the forum on a regular basis. I further apologize for leaving you to wonder what was going on with me.
Life has been...well pretty tough, to say the least. ...As you may recall, I had an appt with my Cardiologist on April 29th...I am not sure what I had hoped to gain from this appt. but there were no "magic" answers or suggestions. At this point I am status quo with the Tikosyn. Since this is, the very last resort in the lines of medication, there is no other drug for me to consider. As for any further ablative procedures...He was not hopeful that going in for a 6th procedure would be of much benefit. Finally, he asked if I was willing to give this medication a little longer before deciding to call it a day and go in for the full blown AV-Node ablation and pacemaker implant. I agreed and said that I didn't want to give up yet but my patience was extremely thin. So that was that. Following the appt. I sat in my car and just sobbed. I felt like I was finally reaching a point of despair with no hope, no plan, no nothing! I then did what I said I'd never do, I shut myself off to the forum, friends etc. I felt that if I was so filled with despair, how on earth was I then going to be able to offer all of you here "the brighter side" of things...the silver lining so to speak?
If things weren't already weighing me down, on May 10th (Mother's Day) an old friend of mine from nursing school, mother of 5 children (Michael 15, Shannon 12, Kelly 9, twins Morgan&Madison 7) was found early that morning, by her son Michael, stabbed to death in her bedroom!!!!:((( THis took place in Wolfeboro NH. She was a BEAUTIFUL woman inside and out! She lit up the darkest of rooms upon entering them! It is a TRAGIC, HORRIFIC LOSS for her children, her mother, sister&brother...as well as all of us, her dear friends! This event sent me into a tailspin for which I am now finally starting to come out of.
Just when I thought things were going to turn around, my daughter was diagnosed with Swine Flu! I know that they say God never burdens those with more than they can handle...Well, I truly feel that I have reached my quota and can be burdened with no more.
Just when I thought there was no hope for me to ever think of having any kind of quality in my life...I was given the name of a Dr. who might be the answer to my prayers....My silver lining! The following quote is his mission statement:
"I am dedicated to my profession. I believe it is my mission in life. I give all of myself to make sure my patient’s heart does what it’s supposed to do." ~Andrea Natale, M.D. <~~~This is the Dr. for me, my last ray of hope! Texas Cardiac Arrhythmia Institute here I come!
This Dr has been mentioned to me in the past...At the time, I was convinced that I was where I needed to be, that I would be "fixed" and seeking a cure elsewhere wasn't neccessary. I guess it came down to this...How many times do you get hauled into the EP lab, have catheters snaked into your heart looking for that "hot spot" only to find out, it ... didn't work. Med change after med change, none that do what they are supposed to do but make you feel like a walking zombie. I've lost count of the medications I've been given, not to mention the countless admissions through the ER, I've been cardioverted, been through the EP lab 6 times (I think they should name a revolving door after me!) I'm done playing around or letting them play around with me like I'm some kind of guinea pig! Time to pack up my toys and move on.
When my journey toward a cure started about 3 yrs ago, I never, ever, imagined that I'd still be here waiting for a miracle! This has impacted me and the lives of my family in ways that I never thought possible...Living with multiple arrhythmias has forced me to sit back and watch life go on for those around me...all the while, my life has been put on hold....it's much like somebody with TV remote in hand, points it at you and hits "PAUSE!" Now is the time for me to take control of the situation and do whatever I have to do to start living again!
Again, thank you to those who have continued to send notes and messages of encouragement...for the countless prayers all that I don't know what I'd do without. Today, my friends, is the first day of the rest of my life! I will keep you posted as this plan unfolds:)
~God Bless you all!
Adrienne
Post a Comment