All Journal Entries Journals


Feb 19, 2014 - 3 comments

Crying, crying, CRYING! Not sure if it will ever stop!
The moment when your 6 years old is asking you if you took your meds and what will happen if you forgot. You see his suspicious look and know that you are  a proper ****. Even thought that I am coping, working, talking. Thanks to lamictal the edges gone so I don't scream, shout, raging. Depressions are my best friend in the nights and I am crying the river or rather the ocean now.
I finally started the therapy on Monday. I like my therapist what is good. Yes, I am better than last year and somehow feel that it is really time to get rid of the rubbish in my head. Yes, I know that if won't be easy and it is ******* not.
I had to say loud things which I've never wanted to hear. Yes, I am an alien. Nearly 50 - looking at 35, behaving like that, have a little child, too clever and f**** foreigner. All this together means I will never ever find the match, the partner. It's just not going to happen.I just don't fit anywhere. My therapist asked me how does it make me feel? Well like a ****! An alien forever - just the green aerial on my head and a flying saucer are missing. Alone inside my head forever, there is no hope.
I know I will digest it - after another ocean of tears.

Post a Comment
by CRSeaside, Feb 19, 2014
Marie. Darlin. Does crying help? Watch Sonethings Got to give. Diane Keaton crys the whole movie.

by 4Maddie44, Feb 26, 2014
I do hope you and the therapist are able to work things out, and it helps you through this dark period.  

Oh you an alien - why do you say that?  No you are a good and nice person with a lovely child.  Like me, you think too much, dwell on things.  

I find crying makes me feel worse.  I could not cry when I was on Effexor.  Since I stopped I have become emotional and shed a tear when watching TV.  

I am so very sorry and please count me as a friend you can "talk" to, because I am very concerned about you.  I never felt depression was a friend, rather something I had to fight.  

There is hope, it is just at the moment it is elusive. I admire that you can function and work, and bring up a little lad.  I admire you for that.  Try and be strong.  Not easy I know.  

Hope the therapy works and as you say gets rid of the rubbish in your head.  Now take care and let me know how you are getting on please.  I am worried about you.

by 007Bunny, Feb 26, 2014
Thank you <3 <3 <3
Please do not worry - it is all weird but no too bad. I am not going to do anything silly. I know that I am on the right path. It just hurts too much :((( I cry in the night, can't sleep - for 10 days or so now so starting to be tired. I look during the day quite normal but nights uhh.
I feel it is a therapy what causes it. I really have to get rid of the rubbish in my head. Hard to say how long it will take but I will get there. I even wrote a poem or how to call it. I will post it later.
Thank you for thinking of me. xxx

Post a Comment