Feb 19, 2014
Crying, crying, CRYING! Not sure if it will ever stop!
The moment when your 6 years old is asking you if you took your meds and what will happen if you forgot. You see his suspicious look and know that you are a proper ****. Even thought that I am coping, working, talking. Thanks to lamictal the edges gone so I don't scream, shout, raging. Depressions are my best friend in the nights and I am crying the river or rather the ocean now.
I finally started the therapy on Monday. I like my therapist what is good. Yes, I am better than last year and somehow feel that it is really time to get rid of the rubbish in my head. Yes, I know that if won't be easy and it is ******* not.
I had to say loud things which I've never wanted to hear. Yes, I am an alien. Nearly 50 - looking at 35, behaving like that, have a little child, too clever and f**** foreigner. All this together means I will never ever find the match, the partner. It's just not going to happen.I just don't fit anywhere. My therapist asked me how does it make me feel? Well like a ****! An alien forever - just the green aerial on my head and a flying saucer are missing. Alone inside my head forever, there is no hope.
I know I will digest it - after another ocean of tears.