Nov 20, 2007
I walked into a supermarket,
did my shopping,
paid for my food,
took my bag and wallet to an empty checkout,
to pack things properly and put cash and receipts away -
and the next thing, or rather in a split second before leaving this planet, I remember thinking;
"this is what happened before"..............................................................................
....................................and then about 10 minutes later, which is a wild guess in itself, I find myself wandering around at the back of the store, its a big store! I have my bag with me, so at least I didn't scare the staff with a 'bombscare' this time, but where was my wallet? I had indeed done it again, left my wallet, £60 cash, and three cards sitting in the packing well of a checkout point with nothing to hide them but a french bread stick. A fed up supervisor and checkout girl stop dashing about as I assure them everything is OK, everything found, phone, keys, wallet everything accounted for but,
I had done it again!!!!!!!!!!
What had triggered it? I had a good 8 hours the night before, taken the meds, eaten properly. Why is this happening? And thank goodness I got away with it again!
But what is the trigger? Is it simply the repetition? On several occasions during the week when I fight off the feelings of deja vu or aura which is fairly standard each week, indeed the night before shopping, I had that same feeling, that I have done this before, I am repeating this right down to the last detail, same dish, same fork same seating and who knows what happened after that!
Becoming less and less confident, it is hard to live with the attitude of 'I must live with whatever is the consequence' of a simple walking distance visit to a shop.
What do I do now? This overconfident designer who knows that fearlessness is the true source of happiness and is now fearful of Sainsburys. Goodnesss knows what Tesco would do to him. I will just have to order everything on line I guess and hide in this flat. Even that is expensive, I have had a warning this morning from BT that I have used too many Megabytes that they will not charge me this time, but thirty pence per extra Gygabyte next month, "why don't I pay them £25.00 a month and upgrade"? Perhaps because I can only get a decent download speed at 4 in the morning? Perhaps I can find a web site where I can download my detail memory, because reliving memories is obviously a problem for my grey matter?
I am left asking myself the question would I prefer the occasional full epileptic seizure rather than the complex partial seizures described above. I have the choice because it is definately the medication cocktail, that my consultants have mixed over the last 20 years that has moved my condition to this stage.