Feb 27, 2014
Hmmmm well where to begin....
About a month or so ago, I tried, and I mean tried, to eat very little. I was sort of at a point where I looked in the mirror and saw how chubby I was, and thought 'well I am going to do a lot of exercise, lose these kilos, and finally be skinny. I was doing a lot more exercise than last year. So anyway, with my lack of patience, and for some reason I was quite anxious... I decided to make myself feel worse. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I just wanted a reason to feel bad. So I tried.. tried to starve myself. Had to secretly do it though, because if anyone found out they would stop me immediately. But people around me did notice changes in my attitude towards food. I mean I did eat, so technically I wasn't 'starving' myself, but I guess I was just trying to skip meals or eat as little as I could get away with. So as I said, people noticed that I wasn't eating that much for say a couple of weeks maybe. My friends as school one day yelled out "she is starving herself!" I think it was stupid to immediately assume something like that. I mean in the beginning it was just a diet, and cutting out the sugar and carbs and stuff. I drank water, water and water.
On the school holidays, as mentioned earlier I decided to do a lot more exercise. I thought that I could slim down a heap before we go to the pool with the school, (HAHA that rhymes). So it began with a daily walk, and some tennis practice, and soon after I cut down on what I ate. I attempted to not eat at all. One time I remember I went to the shops in the morning by myself, and I had 2 little sushi rolls (or maybe 1, I don't remember). OH and a juice (hats actually very filling). After that I decided to not have anything else for a while. Got home later, was so hungry!! BUt nope, no food Marcy, you have to lose weight. Every little time you don't eat counts! I was anxious and started to get stomach pains because of how hungry I was. bad stomach pains. By this time mum was ordering a pizza and she had gone to get it. (so much for the starving, I mean I had a PIZZA, how stupid is that?). I ate and the pains in my stomach didn't go away for a while after that.
SO what I just explained was basically just one of the bad days I had. And if anyone reads this, don't worry I am not NOT eating. I do eat, I hate that feeling of being full now though (because I feel like I am putting on weight whenever I get it).. BUt now, every time I get hungry (which is every morning and afternoon almost), about 5-10 minutes before, I get anxious. not super anxious, but anxious. Then I feel that rumbling in my stomach.
I really don't want to put on weight... I see girls at my school and see how skinny their waists are... WOW, how I sometimes wish I were like that. maybe then I would look at myself in the mirror and feel like I belong.
NO need to worry though, I am okay. Im eating. :)
Ha! Wow that was a long message....