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Empty Nest #1 :(
Jun 30, 2009 10:43AM
- 19 comments
Well, I've been watching my son pack boxes for a couple of weeks now but it's starting to sink in as he was packing more earnestly last night. He's decided to try his wings and move out with a friend. I know they say it's hard to let go but the sadness is kicking in. I know he's almost 21 and a good kid. He's responsible, I'm not worried about that, though not sure about his roommate. He's saved up a lot of money so hopefully will be ok. I've told him more than once if things don't work out he can always come back home, that he's always got a place here.
He's only moving in an apartment complex down the street but still, I know this changes things forever. I worry (part of being a mom, right?), I worry about his safety and whether he'll eat enough. I know, I know, lol, but he's already on the thin side and I think he gets so busy with work and school that he doesn't eat properly.
I feel bad because I wanted to buy him some things for his new apartment like my parents did with me but we are really financially strapped right now with me not working right now. I guess I can buy things little by little.
I worry because I don't think he can cook much, although he was the one who had to show his roommate how to use a gas stove.
I worry that he doesn't get enough sleep. I know he doesn't get enough sleep!
I worry that he'll drop out of school because he's got more bills now. That's a big one. He'll get his associates degree next month from the community college and then he'll have to transfer to another college. We had told him he'd have to pay more for his schooling because we just can't do it. I'm thinking and hoping he'll at least take a couple of classes here and there to still stay in school and keep the cost down but not go full time. He's almost working full time as it is at Starbucks.
He's a good kid. I'm not really worried about wild parties, etc. I'm not sure how his roommate will be but I know my son is pretty responsible. And I saw the apartment complex and at least it looks nice enough. It's not some dive in a seedy area of town so that relieved me. And the manager told them they don't allow wild parties there, that it's pretty quiet there! Good!
Another worry is he's drifted away from the faith he grew up in. We didn't want to push him to go to church with us so he hasn't gone for the last year, maybe, except special occasions. I think he believes in God but he's had a lot of questions, etc., which I can understand. He needs to find his own path. There's not much I can do about that, except pray. I think this happens a lot at this age.
So, I'm sitting here thinking about everything and thinking this is too soon! I'm not prepared! My baby doesn't need me anymore. :( Part of me knows this will probably be a good experience and teach him responsibility, etc. but it still saddens me to see him go. I wonder how my 5 year old will react when big brother's not here to give him hugs and kisses before bedtime every night. I bet my oldest will sure miss him! I joked with him that he'd have to swing by every night just to give him his hug and kiss goodnight.
Like I said, this changes everything. I know he's just down the road but it's not the same. I hardly see him now with his work and school schedule. He stays so busy. But at least I could talk to him and ask him about his day. I don't want to call him every day and be obsessive. I joked with him last night that I was going to come over to his house just like the mom did in the book "I'll love you forever". Anybody remember that book?
Ok, getting all sentimental again. :(
I wonder if it will get harder as each child moves out or easier? This is hard enough as it is.
He's only moving in an apartment complex down the street but still, I know this changes things forever. I worry (part of being a mom, right?), I worry about his safety and whether he'll eat enough. I know, I know, lol, but he's already on the thin side and I think he gets so busy with work and school that he doesn't eat properly.
I feel bad because I wanted to buy him some things for his new apartment like my parents did with me but we are really financially strapped right now with me not working right now. I guess I can buy things little by little.
I worry because I don't think he can cook much, although he was the one who had to show his roommate how to use a gas stove.
I worry that he doesn't get enough sleep. I know he doesn't get enough sleep!
I worry that he'll drop out of school because he's got more bills now. That's a big one. He'll get his associates degree next month from the community college and then he'll have to transfer to another college. We had told him he'd have to pay more for his schooling because we just can't do it. I'm thinking and hoping he'll at least take a couple of classes here and there to still stay in school and keep the cost down but not go full time. He's almost working full time as it is at Starbucks.
He's a good kid. I'm not really worried about wild parties, etc. I'm not sure how his roommate will be but I know my son is pretty responsible. And I saw the apartment complex and at least it looks nice enough. It's not some dive in a seedy area of town so that relieved me. And the manager told them they don't allow wild parties there, that it's pretty quiet there! Good!
Another worry is he's drifted away from the faith he grew up in. We didn't want to push him to go to church with us so he hasn't gone for the last year, maybe, except special occasions. I think he believes in God but he's had a lot of questions, etc., which I can understand. He needs to find his own path. There's not much I can do about that, except pray. I think this happens a lot at this age.
So, I'm sitting here thinking about everything and thinking this is too soon! I'm not prepared! My baby doesn't need me anymore. :( Part of me knows this will probably be a good experience and teach him responsibility, etc. but it still saddens me to see him go. I wonder how my 5 year old will react when big brother's not here to give him hugs and kisses before bedtime every night. I bet my oldest will sure miss him! I joked with him that he'd have to swing by every night just to give him his hug and kiss goodnight.
Like I said, this changes everything. I know he's just down the road but it's not the same. I hardly see him now with his work and school schedule. He stays so busy. But at least I could talk to him and ask him about his day. I don't want to call him every day and be obsessive. I joked with him last night that I was going to come over to his house just like the mom did in the book "I'll love you forever". Anybody remember that book?
Ok, getting all sentimental again. :(
I wonder if it will get harder as each child moves out or easier? This is hard enough as it is.
I feel your pain. My oldest moved out last fall to go to college an hour and a half away. Oh, and yes! I remember that book. I can NOT read it without crying....still!
I could have written your journal. I comforted myself that my son would be home THIS summer, but he found a full time job in Milwaukee and stayed there! We have a 13.5% unemployment rate, so he really had not much choice. You take a full time job when you can fine one.
HUGS, April. He's a good boy. He'll visit. Maybe not as much as you'd like, but he will. Take care. I'm here to talk....
I could have written your journal. I comforted myself that my son would be home THIS summer, but he found a full time job in Milwaukee and stayed there! We have a 13.5% unemployment rate, so he really had not much choice. You take a full time job when you can fine one.
HUGS, April. He's a good boy. He'll visit. Maybe not as much as you'd like, but he will. Take care. I'm here to talk....
When my son first moved out he was living with his girlfriend who ensured he ate, etc. Then he got his own appartment in our town so to help him out we did a cooking day. I took him grocery shopping and bought him his first round so he'd have staples. I pointed out how he could eat healthy but cheaply and what to look for when shopping. Then I brought over the recipes for his favorite foods and we spent a day together cooking them. We froze the leftovers. He learned how to cook these (and I picked the easier ones), had some good food in the fridge and freezer and a good start on staples. Periodically I sent him over meals from home.
He moved back home this past spring to save up to start his own company (he is in construction) and we are really enjoying having him back. By paying rent and contributing to food all the parent/child conflicts are gone. It's going to hurt all over again when he moves out next time.
I'm so glad your son isn't going too far. He'll miss you and be around often I'm sure.
He moved back home this past spring to save up to start his own company (he is in construction) and we are really enjoying having him back. By paying rent and contributing to food all the parent/child conflicts are gone. It's going to hurt all over again when he moves out next time.
I'm so glad your son isn't going too far. He'll miss you and be around often I'm sure.
Well, I can't do big grocery shopping for him as much as I'd like to. I just don't have the money. But I'm going to get him some thing, little by little I think. That's a good idea about making him some meals. I don't know if he'd like me coming over to show him how to cook. It's a delicate balance to being a good, supportive mom but not obsessive and smothering, isn't it? I imagine his roommate's mom is freaking out about now. She's a single mom and has always depended way too much on her son, which is part of the reason why he wants to move out, I think! She really does smother him, I think. It will be interesting to see how she acts with the kids moving out.
Oh April i remember that day like it was yesterday when my oldest moved out. Be proud of the fact that you have raised him with values. He will be okay and so will you!!!! It is hard to let them go but they have to spread their wings. We cant protect them forever even tho we want to. Your little one will get used to his big brother being gone and will look forward to going to his place. That will be a big thing in that little boys life!!! I think Trudie had a good idea about having a day to cook. I made both my girls their own cookbook of all their favorite foods when they moved out. They still use it to this day. Dont worry about not being able to buy him material things right now....you have given him more than what any material thing could......You love him and he knows where home is. He will be fine and so will you after the tears dry!!! sara
Gulp...
I get a big lump in my throat thinking about how I will have to experience this sometime in the next few years with my oldest daughter, who will be 18 in January. I think the first child will be the hardest and then it will get easier with the middle ones, then hard again with the youngest. I feel for you, it makes me sad to even think about it! But, he is close and you can visit (: I'm sure he will still stop by regularly, too! He will miss his little brother more than he will ever admit! Oh, and his Mama ;)
I get a big lump in my throat thinking about how I will have to experience this sometime in the next few years with my oldest daughter, who will be 18 in January. I think the first child will be the hardest and then it will get easier with the middle ones, then hard again with the youngest. I feel for you, it makes me sad to even think about it! But, he is close and you can visit (: I'm sure he will still stop by regularly, too! He will miss his little brother more than he will ever admit! Oh, and his Mama ;)
Hey Jen, so glad to see you doing so well! I was following the thread on you and was concerned. I'm glad you and the baby are ok. :)
My daughter is 17 and acts like she wants to move out as soon as she's 18, lol. I'm sure she'll change her mind when she sees how expensive things are!
My daughter is 17 and acts like she wants to move out as soon as she's 18, lol. I'm sure she'll change her mind when she sees how expensive things are!
Thanks April! Feeling normal, so that's good!
Hugs to you as you move onto the next chapter with your son! It's good that you know he's close and is a good kid. That helps! I think boys stick around longer and closer than girls do, but it also depends on the kid. My daughter SAYS she can't wait to get out, but I think she will stick around for a while after. She's a lot of bark and not much bite. My second daughter, however, would move out today if she would! She's a very independent kid and has her own ideas about life, most of which differ from mine!
Hugs to you as you move onto the next chapter with your son! It's good that you know he's close and is a good kid. That helps! I think boys stick around longer and closer than girls do, but it also depends on the kid. My daughter SAYS she can't wait to get out, but I think she will stick around for a while after. She's a lot of bark and not much bite. My second daughter, however, would move out today if she would! She's a very independent kid and has her own ideas about life, most of which differ from mine!
Don't forget to put the ladder on your car for when you go over in the middle of the night.
Seriously, a basket of things from the dollar store is not a budget buster and can make you both feel better. Spatulas, towels, stuff like that. LOL
Seriously, a basket of things from the dollar store is not a budget buster and can make you both feel better. Spatulas, towels, stuff like that. LOL
Yup its a tough one and I have never got over it ...
I couldn't wait to move out when I was 17, I moved out at 18 for college and you know it wasn't a fraction as great as I thought it would be. I come home to my parents house every chance I get, I still consider it my real home. I think he will enjoy his freedom (like I do) but you will see him ALL the time especially since he's only moving down the street. At least you know that you are nearby should he need you. He will be fine, don't worry;)
Awww, honey, I know what you mean and I understand you. It is really tough being a parent and you've done a wonderful job! Don't feel bad about what you can't give him right now. You already went and bought a few things you are able to and I know he appreciates it a whole lot. You will continue to be there for him and help him in any way that you can and he will love you more for it. He's a wonderful kid. He'll do great. But I do understand you and I am so sad for you too. We must remember that this is a part of being a parent. I will definitely be miserable when my son moves out. Thankfully, he's barely 4 and I have a long ways to go :( Let me know if the thing with the ladder works for ya! LOL. *HUGS* Enjoy your evening with your son!
This is a time of difficult transition. The last one is the most difficult because its like your life changes totally from how your used to living it. But then, the grandbabies start and it starts all over again!
My son is doing the same thing~hanging out with his friends who have their first new apartment. their good friends. Austin is 19 yrs old and a great kid. Never in trouble, good grades and is good to his momma. He works a full time job and is a full time student second yr in college. But I feel the nest becoming empty...slowly...but its happening. He is my baby boy...no more. I see Austin slipping in to his new life with his own friends. Not needing me as much anymore. How sad we lose our family members as they age and we lose our kids as they spread their wings too. Whats left for a Momma to do?! I hear a bus ride to a gambling casino calling me!
Yeah, I kind of know what you mean about not needing us anymore. I kept asking him if I could help in any way and he's apparently got everything covered. He's got some friends helping them move in some stuff tonight and some more tomorrow. I thought at least I could make a nice meal tonight but he left before I could finish cooking it. Oh well, sigh. I guess it will be in the fridge later if he gets hungry. I do worry about him not eating. He's over there dragging around furniture and didn't even eat dinner. Do I sound like a mom or what?!
I did buy him a few things to take over, some things I figured he wouldn't think about, like cleaning supplies, etc. Being guys, I figured that would be last on their list, lol. Maybe I'll try to take a couple of meals to them. I know they were wanting to have people over for pizza or something to celebrate and I told them they may want to wait and see how they feel or wait till they're a little more moved in.
I'm thinking about buying him a cookbook.
It's going to be so weird not having him here.
I did buy him a few things to take over, some things I figured he wouldn't think about, like cleaning supplies, etc. Being guys, I figured that would be last on their list, lol. Maybe I'll try to take a couple of meals to them. I know they were wanting to have people over for pizza or something to celebrate and I told them they may want to wait and see how they feel or wait till they're a little more moved in.
I'm thinking about buying him a cookbook.
It's going to be so weird not having him here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of him or sad that he doesn't seem to need me right now. I guess I'll be proud of him, lol. He and his roommate went shopping yesterday and stocked their apartment with some actually healthy things like raisin bran cereal and chicken breasts! I was impressed. They're talking about using the pool today, lol. I told them they may want to get moved in first, lol. They're excited because their apartment is near the pool. My baby's growing up. Sigh. When did that happen?! I think I must have blinked and missed it!
It happens so fast, my dear! I'm so glad that he makes you proud :) You should be. Don't worry! As if that's possible, being a parent, right? LOL. Well, try to see the bright side of things. This will be a good experience for him!
Hard time for you Im sure. Just be thankful you arent like my mom. Baby, 20 years old, moving 4500 km away. Her oldest lives down the road and comes over everyday so she can babysit. Her middle child is again living back at home after moving out a couple times, also close by. Then me, her baby, so far away, first one to be married. Has a good husband and he has a great job, but how can she be happy when Im so far and going through so much. Tough stuff. Be glad hes close. I only wish I could go down the road to see my momma.
April, give us an update on how you are doing with this. You have had so much going on since this happened, you might not have had time to dwell on it.
How is he doing?
I saw where you are feeling poorly with a cold, hope you are better today....
Peggy
How is he doing?
I saw where you are feeling poorly with a cold, hope you are better today....
Peggy
Hi Peggy, thanks for asking. I still have a hard time adjusting to him not being here anymore. I find that I'm still cooking too much, or that I have food around the house that only he liked (guess I'll have to bring him some!) I especially notice it more because my daughter is gone more and more with school, work, and hanging out with friends. She slept over at a friend's house this weekend and the house was just too quiet! And it seemed too big for just the three of us.
I bring food to my son once in awhile. He came over to eat not long ago but didn't stay long as he was going out with friends. He seems to be doing pretty well. I thought he seemed a bit thin but he says he doesn't think he's lost weight. I know he stays busy with work, but I do worry, of course. Just gotta keep praying.
And yes, I've got a cold, I guess. I'm really trying to hurry up and knock it out of me since I have an endoscopy scheduled for Oct. 22nd and really don't want to have to reschedule that. I appreciate your prayers. I want to stay as healthy as possible. Thanks for caring. :)
I bring food to my son once in awhile. He came over to eat not long ago but didn't stay long as he was going out with friends. He seems to be doing pretty well. I thought he seemed a bit thin but he says he doesn't think he's lost weight. I know he stays busy with work, but I do worry, of course. Just gotta keep praying.
And yes, I've got a cold, I guess. I'm really trying to hurry up and knock it out of me since I have an endoscopy scheduled for Oct. 22nd and really don't want to have to reschedule that. I appreciate your prayers. I want to stay as healthy as possible. Thanks for caring. :)
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