I give up!

YOU are SO wrong. You still have a LOT of life to live, girl.....and it doesn't have to be in a loveless marriage. You're only in your 40's...and seizures arent' a death sentence, they are a medical condition. You have a lot of spunk and a GREAT sense of humor...maybe you need to think about how to change what isn't working for you. There is ALWAYS hope. Hang in there.....read the e-mail!!  hugs...................

BOBBY!!!!!!!
You are NOT old, you ARE beautiful, and there are a LOT of great men that would love to be with a woman like you!!!
There also is nothing wrong with being alone. Girl, I love you so much and you are a great friend and a wonderful person with a beautiful heart and soul!! PLEASE do not give up on life!! You know where I am if you need me!!!
I love you! Huge *** hugs!!

hon , i know that keeping our expectations low also keeps us from reaching the potential we have inside of us. as long as you keep seeing your situation as hopeless , it will be. you know i say this outta love and mad respect for ya sis, but the only way any of this is gonna change is when YOU decide you have had enough. its no different then our addictions, if we settle and think we have gotten the life we deserve, we dont have to worry bout the hard stuff, like finding a new love, or dealing with our problems sober. as for the alcohol, your husband is no different then ne of us, you are enabling him to keep you in the pattern of self destruct and low self esteem by not challenging him on his issues. as toxic said, you have lots of years and love to give, so make it worth all ya can. and if i recall right , not so long ago you were holdin all the cards, mostly aces, but you folded and let it all stand pat... it is time to take the pot hon!!! dont take this **** ne more, and quit belittling yourself!! you are a wonderfull , caring , beautifull person, but untill you feel that way about yourself others will miss those facts. the old standard of you must love yourself before others will love you is mostly true. when you realize that you are all those things and more, and start to apply that to your life, things will turn around for you!! i think it is time to toughen up for both of us sis!! i need to get a lil harder on myself , an you need to get a lil harder on your hubby. tell him enough is enough!! to stay in this pattern for your kids sake is no choice to make, you are settin the example for your boys that it is acceptable to treat the woman they love like ****, and at the same time you are showing your daughter it is ok to stay in a relationship that is mentally and physically abusive. once again, all this is said outta love , and ya know im here for you thru ne decision  you make, but let me ask ya this...... if you were grandma , and your daughter wuz right were you are now, wut would you want her to do?  

I can relate to some of what you said here...I know you didn't ask for comments, but please indulge me.  I just turned 42, as you know...some of this is hard, but....I also had a great job, with great pay, felt productive...felt attractive...  Now, I'm ill, battling the PAWS thing, and dealing the many changes that the illness has caused (like pain, changes in my appearance, and limitations in activity).  This is not about me, I just want you to know I can totally relate to this stuff.  I DO have a marriage full of love, but I can imagine how hard it'd be to deal with anything, much less these issues, without that.  It's ok to recognize that some things suck, and just because some people's issues suck worse, doesn't make you feel better.  However, you are not old, and you DO have many purposes.  This is NOT it for you.  At this point, YOU can alter your response and some expectations to things.  It is a compromise for sure, but then, just getting older is too.  Call up those friends of yours you haven't been seeing too much of, and if it's at all financially feasible, get your butt out whenever you can to participate in something enjoyable, maybe a hobby, a talent, whatever it may be...perhaps meet some new friends.  I'd come get you for sure if I were in your neck of the woods, so for now, this'll have to do dear.  You DO have the right to the best life possible, which means doing what you can, enjoying what you can, appreciating and loving what and who you can, and being loved and appreciated.  You should not be enduring any kind of abuse.  I don't have all the answers there, but I'd start right now with realizing that you have friends here.  I for one, have been uplifted out of a funk by your stories or words....and I'd love to be in your actual physical presence...I'm sure I speak for loads of people here too.  

OMG you guy's, I don't cry very easy anymore but all your words brought me to tears..you all are so special. and yes Jacqui i can tell you can relate, i can't beliave the change in me, my apperance and limitations are unreal, I look in the mirror and its like i dont even know who that is anymore, and I am alway's thinking about what i use to do and how nice it would be if i had the umph to get my *** up and do something. and yes i think if we lived in the same neck of the woods those woods would never be the same lol..
Toxic and Confussed you know i love ya girls and i know your right and i would give someone like me the same advice and i would think wtf is wrong with this chick why would she just give up and put up with it. Never thought i would be this way.
New...if it was my little girl i would kick the guy's *** and my daughters, my daughter is going to be stronger then her mother i will see to that, she will be what i was but she will stay that way !!! I honestly think my son's have learned how not to treat a women, I've even told them i ever see them treat a women like this i will kick their ***'s too. I do know where your coming from brother and you make complete sense!!
I know i don't make sense at all not even in my own mind, but i just don't see were i have a choice, yes if i heard a women say this i would think what a stupid ***** she deserves everything that happens to her...If i  were to leave my husband i really would ruin his life, not because he loves me but he has worked sense he was in his 20's to get what he has and if i left he would have to start all over at the age of 53 (in two mo) i cant do that even if it was my worst enemy. just so i could be happy, no i just cant..I live in a ****** *** town where there is no way i can make a decent living I have pulled myself up so many times, I am tierd. No i wont use BUT i have to be realistic on my future. I have been the one with a great carrer and sports cars and all that but was always trying to find love, THAT is one thing i never found. I'm not feeling sorry for myself i am just stating a fact, i never worried tho because i had my looks (what a fool) they go and when they decide to go it's fast! Now there is no way for a car rer either...I dont know how any women likes this staying at home **** letting a man make all the money and you have no say so..
AHHHH **** i didn't mean to go on and on agian. You all know me I am just in a pissy mood and venting. you know i will be ok not to worry...this venting **** is for the birds...who told me to write things down? it sucks.  lol
Everyone just ignore all the rambilings of a women not making much sense.

Bobby

Sweatheart - I ache for you, you sound so trapped.  Try this - you don't have to leave or make any huge decisions - just make one - do something for yourself,   I don't know your interests - but something that gets your out of the house.  Make a list of things you enjoy, and see if you can works something out.  If that doesn't sound appealing - try a face to face support group, look at womens centres etc.  It is time you learn how to treat yourself well, and feel good about yourself!
Hang in there  

oh bobby, i feel for you.  i am sorry you feel you have no options.  but there are options.  no you dont have to leave your hubby...i am not an advocate for divorce, even though i am divorced.  but, you could have a heart to heart with your husband.  ask him to go to marriage counseling for the sake of your children.  if you are this unhappy, he cant be too happy either.  and you can start there.  and work forward.  dont settle just because....you can change things.  i am really proud of you for not using.  that takes a super strong woman. i mean with all these negative feelings the urge to use to overwhelming.  but you didnt use.  so dont tell me how weak you are and your daughter will be stronger.  oh yeah, it was not me you were telling that to it was bill.  LOL  girl, i love ya...you have become a dear friend to me here.  you are one of the most loyal ppl i have evr met.  not to mention you sense of humor being awesome.  you have so much going for you.  we believe in you..now get in gear and believe in you too.  bobby, you are the best, get back in the game.
chin up n much love to ya
cathy

Oh Cathy you are a sweet heart. My bff !!!!! Ya he is as unhappy as me. how sick is this there has actually been times where i will ask him why we stay togather and he say's i have no idea and then we lauph. He admits he dosn't feel like he loves me anymore but cant live without me either.? Guess we are just strange lol... we have had so many heart to hearts over the yrs. the first 10 yrs were great but the last 15 it just  gets worse. He wont see anyone I have tried so hard. Now he is having alot of black outs and dont remember **** but wont get help. Not even for the kid's. He acts like he almost dislikes them well the boy's anyway, he is always finding faults in them and never good. His little girl is his life but he still wont get help for her sake either. my boy's told him when they were about 5 and they still say it, there is a country song called, "Daddy walk alittle straighter daddy your swaying side to side, your footprints make me dizzy daddy, please remember your leading me" but it dosn't faze him. I dont understand it myself. I know I am not a weak person but i just cant leave him alone and staying means i have to give up anything in the future its like it just hit me the last week or so, I am here now to make sure kids grow up strong,caring,happy adults and then its to take care of him cause i know with what he is doing to himself he is either going to die or be a very sick man that will need someone to take care of him. and it sucks, what can i say. I have just got to find away to come to terms with it all. Dont know why all of a sudden it hit me duuuuh were has my head been....oh ya STONED lmao.

OMG do not lauph,....my little girl just informed me that 2moro her class is going to the swimming pool and she put me down to go with them to help, she just gave me the note. **** me in a swimming suite holly ****, see it can always get worse and now it just did.  lol    HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPP  This is not going to be pretty lmao.

girl, you are beautiful in anything.  but i gotta admit i did laugh. lol  matter of fact i am still laughing.  guess i wont be talking to yu tomorrow, so you have fun.

about your hubby, guess the only thing left to do is shoot him. lol  oaky everyone...that was a joke see bobby laughing. hhahahaha

i love ya too bobby...you are the best
cathy

Well now i hadn't thought of that one Cathy...Isn't it humane to put someone suffering out of their missery? Oh yea thats dogs. lmao

Oh and dont ask for pic's from 2moro cause that aint goin to happen no matter how much it would make you lauph!!

your to much, thanks
love ya

for Gods sake, dont shot him unless he hits ya!!!! LOL, you say you were always lookin for love but dint find it, but i gotta beg to differ... love is about all, good , bad, sickness, addiction, all the thing you put up with ..... and you stay why,,, because deep down you are in love. only love would make ya wanna take care of someone , or not see someone fall. thats how you feel about hubby!! so tell him something else instead of why do we stay together..... try tellin him you love him, you wanna be with him till the end. have a heart to heart like ya used too. tell him you think it is time to get back to loving, not just living.. i think deep down ya both love each other, but the years and miles have distanced ya from each other. maybe if ya talk ya can start to bridge the gap that time, money issues, addiction, alcoholism, and all the rest of lifes **** has built under you both. i pray for ya eva night, think boutcha every day, and sooo want ya to be happy....

Dam when did you get so smart? No really you might be right, I will try anything.

good post bill, i was thinkin the same thing, but i didnt want bobby to shoot ME if i said it.  LMAO.

bobby...I WANT PICS    WOOOHOOO

love ya
friend

Not fair Cathy, bill said that and i was actually dumb struck, for once i didn't know what to say, dammmmm

NO PIC'S,...I will put a towel around me and run like hell and drop it right before i jump or fall in...
This is a nitmare lol
love ya

is that a two piece thong?!   post em!!!    for real tho, marriage is like fire..... it starts out hot and blazing... then it kinda calms down to a nice , comfy flame that jus makes ya feel warm.... then after soooo long, it is just a pile of ashes that is smoldering and smoking and generally making ya choke!!!
but its up to the ones that built that fire to throw on more food for the flames, ya feel me on that?!?

Bill I actually just read that to my husband and he didn't ignore me like usual, he said after i was done, that is a cool way to look at it. I asked him were he thought we were and he said we are for sure the ashes that need alot of blowing to see if there is anything left. I said do ya think there is and he said, no, i dont think so, then walked off but while he walked off i heard him say maybe.
Thanks hon,
bobby

oh ya, swim suite is one of those 30's models, it even has alittle hat that matches lmao

uumm bobby.. i notice you didnt deny those accusations.  you just kinda scooted over them.  never mind, you dont have to.  i think you know the truth.  the question is, what are you gonna do with this revalation.  i really think that the problem is partly cuz you do love him and feel like those feelings are not returned.  but, i agree with bill again.  you need to tell him that.  tell himm you realized you really love him and you want the life you had before. and you dont want to just exist anymore.  you want some flames in your fire agian.  you know where i am going with this, right.  okay illl shut up. lol    so maybe of you drop the towel just before you climb in bed he will get the message.  lol   oh yeah, one more thought.  instead of trying to say this to him, try writin him a really sweet letter :)

great points....I do love him I just dont like him...dose that make sense...I dont love what he has become. but I will try harder and keep trying to talk and even the towel thing :)
Thanks guy's

I WONT GIVE UP!   love you guy's,

NOW THATS WHAT I WANTED TO HERE, AND WHEN YOU TRY IT LET ME KNOW.  LMAO.  i mean it just want to know you tried it, no details or anything.  hahahahaha

hmmmm.....if only mine ended like yours Bobby, I might be in some kind of better shape. Good might all.

and P.S......my favorite option is to shoot em...........but thats mine not yours.

Oh Confused your to funny, thats what i thought but i have to be a good girl and try what they said first lol.

ya i got to go too, exciting nite for mommy, one son came in room with toliet paper in nose saying mom i cant stop the bleeding i need you, the other comes in mom my toe is swollen i need you, and remember these boy's are almost 17 good god.

have a good nite my dear friends.
Cathy i know you better then that you will want details. lmao

I wasn't kidding actually

hey g/f check out your post from lst nite.

Ummmmm, didn't you know 40 is the new 25?  So, shake whatcha momma gave ya!!!!  That's a horrible feeling to be in a loveless relationship.  I was with my now husband, have been for 8 years total, minus the 1 year that we separated.  And I hated him.  We hated each other.  If we talked it was all put downs.  I'm sorry you're living with that, it's so very painful.   TConsider these options......
1) Work it out.  I'm going to get really personal here.....about my love life, and maybe a few others can relate.  WHen my husband and my relationship gets rocky, DUH, so does the sex life.  I have a hard time figuring the sex thing out.  It's like the chicken or the egg theory-which comes first?  DO I not sleep with him because he's an @$$hole?  Or is he an @$$hole because I won't sleep with him?  See what I'm saying?  Be the bigger person, put him in a good mood to start out the day a couple times in a week, see if that sparks a fire. ♀+♂=☺☺♫♪
2) Kick his *** out and file for child support and have you thought of qualifying for disability?  
3) Ignore his ***,  make yourself beautiful every day, and try to enjoy the simple life by going to the local coffee shop and having a cheap cup of coffee with a dollop of whip cream (and Bailey's if they have it) and read a book, while looking beautiful.  Just get yourself out of your house and into the sun, and it'll make you feel good about life and yourself.  Granted, he might ruin it all the minute he walks in the door, but at least you had your day. Turn those boys' attitudes around and have them start doing some big girl work around the house for you-If they're old enough.☺
4) Are you able to make money from home somehow?  Like selling crack?
5) JUST KIDDING!!!!  Seriously though, can you knit?  Jar anything?  Sell anything?  Think of any ideas of ways to make money out of the home?  

I hope you feel better tomorrow, and the next day.
♥you              º
flutter aka ╚ôÑ▌

I know i have no right at all to be giving you suggestions, hell you dont even know me from Adam, but here's what i think. Sorry but that's just the way i roll. Let me tell you something i learned a long time ago. I've been married 3 times and this will definitely be the last. Marriage is definitely hard work, but it takes both of you putting forth 200% effort for it to work, so if he isnt putting any effort in, then you're wasting your time trying to make it work. But i do also believe that you have to find something that makes YOU happy, without him being part of it, if thats what it takes, and you have to give that 300% effort so that you have peace of mind. You are an individual and you have a life too, and that life doesnt have to be centered around him. Find something you like, that interests you, and go for it. If he doesnt like it, then to hell with him, you dont always like what he does, right? Sorry if you dont like my advice, but thats just the way i see it. Maybe this helps! And never never never give up!

Labonte> Yes you have every right to give me suggestions, I am the one that put it up there so i don't mind any input anyone has in fact i appreciate it very much, your insight is appreciated thank you! Everything you said makes complete sense!

Flutter> Thanks you girl, yes my doctor has told me to go on disability but as long as i can bring in money i wont do that, yes i do bring money in, i work off the web answering questions about animals it brings in a few hundred a week is all but itleast its better then nothin. I just have never done very good staying at home not having my work life. errrr!! I will get out and do more when i get my energy back thats the hardest now without the pills i have no energy! by the time the day is late afternoon i have had it, i take care of the house kids and then my nephew which is a yr old and work on the web and by about 4pm after my nephew is picked up i have had it,.. it takes everything i have just to cook dinner and do dishes. but everyone says that will get better. I will figure out something with hubby, i think i have to much time to think about it! I am going to try the old fashion make him happy thing and see if it works, its been awhile lol.
Thanks girl and i love ya, hope your mood swings are betta :)