At work

Work used to be a safe place in terms of not having panic attacks but more people seem to stare at me now then they ever did.  What makes you better than me i tell myself but I can't quite build up the courage to say this to them.  Instead i reconfirm what i already know,  I'm so ugly to look at that i would probably laugh at me to if i was them.  

Last night i was listening on my ipod to some music staring at the stars just thinking to myself,  In that 30 seconds i was actually at peace with myself. It felt so good that i cryed.  not the sort of thing a man does but i could not control the tears.