My Battle/Still Fighting

since i deleted all my journals  a couple weeks ago, i am going to rewrite my battle with cocaine and hopefully anyone battling this drug can read this and know they are not alone.

My use began with a simple line of coke. i thought just one time just to see, but that one line became the biggest mistake of my life. little did i know at the time i would battle this drug for 5 years not capable of stopping until i overdosed, collapsed, then started gagging and coughing so bad, i heard a loud pop in my back. i popped 2 ribs and could not move. i layed on the floor for 5 hours right after my overdose until i could get an ambulance. at the time i had no idea what had happened other than i was in the worst pain in my life. that night ended my coke use as for a few minutes i truly believed i was going to die. i am lucky to be here today.

within a month of trying my first line i had found a connection and it was game on. what started out as a half gram here and there, quickly became an 8-ball every other day and i would use the second i hopped out of bed, 5 minutes later with my coffee and 5 minutes later when i was done. it became a 30-40 line a day habbit and soon i saw my life fall apart, but i did not give a ****, as long as i was getting high. i became so exausted and so skinny and so guilty inside, it was a battle to wake up in the morning. i HATED myself and what i had become. I COULD NOT STOP, i did lines as my nose was bleeding and i was on my knees shaking, it got so bad at one point i prayed for death, this drug had stolen my life and my soul and i gave up. i prayed everynight the last few months of my use, but i could not stop until the ambulance ride. i thought i had a heart attack and i knew i could not go out like this. it hit me like a tonne of bricks that night. it was now or never. besides one tiny, tiny slip. i am 6 months clean on the 11th and sometimes wonder how i could let myself reach the point i was at. i am healed now and love life again. i overcame probably the toughest thing in my life i will ever face and it made me a better person, it made me appreciate life more than i ever have. i owe a lot to this forum, it is what has helped me the most.