thinking back, I didn't do much of anything today. I woke up late, ate myself a sandwich and juice (what's becoming a daily ritual for me), and watched tv. Played a lot of sims. Then we went down to the neighbor's for a tiny barbecue, I was a bit annoying, and picked at my hamburger. I hate the little bones in it, that crunch in my teeth, that everyone else is just CHOMP CHOMP CHOMPING and doesn't even notice, but I usually gag on. [Speaking of gagging, I really gave taking my depakote and wellbutrin a go last night, I've started taking my 6 pills two at a time. Because like I mentioned, having a lot of trouble swallowing pills. I choked on my wellbutrin, like, really bad, gagged, gagged, gagged, ended up throwing it up. The first time I've involuntarily thrown up in...probably five or six years. I also found a prescription for Zoloft on the counter, prescribed to my mother. I find this extremely upsetting, even though I'm the one who's been calling her depressed for years. She's my rock, you know? Even when I knock on her. I love her. I tell her way too much for her own good.] I also ate a large piece of pie.
I drove there and back. Home again, I played more sims. Family went to another neighbor's, I declined. Headed over later, but was greeted to them all, drunk, on their way to my driveway. I became very grumpy, very quickly. Sat angerly on a blanket, then a chair, swatting bugs that didn't seem to be bothering anyone else. They headed back to the neighbors, I hid inside by myself. Screamed at my brother bringing in chairs. For some reason I just can't enjoy fireworks for as long or as much as the average drunken idiot. For the record, one year ago, I spent my fourth of july in a one night stand and several other noncommital, unloving relationships to get back at my [then percieved] traitorous boyfriend whom was away in florida.. This fourth of july I will spend with my love, maybe playing on the swings! Or just at the fireworks in general, not being increasingly depressed and lonely that I'm forgettable and insignificant. Nobody understands how far I've come in the last year. Nobody gets it. In 12 hours I will be unhappily at work. If I'm lucky, in fried dough. And Gabriel, Wanda, Luis, Steven, Ian, or Andrew will be working.