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Yelling to much...

Mar 15, 2014 - 16 comments

UPDATED 3/17/14

3/15/14  I have 2 kids under two...they are a handful.  I want them to be good kids, not brats.  I guess I have been going overboard, as I was told by  my husband tonight, that I am yelling at them too much.  I guess I knew I was, but was becoming immune to it.  I am with them 99% of the time, 60% of the time alone as my husband works a lot...I don't spank them, or smack them.  I just yell too much!
I used to call the lady across the street yelly mom, before she moved, because she yelled all the time...I do not want to be her!!!!!!! :(

3/17/14 I had a little time to respond to you wonderful ladies :). I do use time out, on Drake, Cami has only gone that far once...lol.  
And I do get on their level and look them in the eye to explain things.  I think I have just been a little stressed lately.  I also spoke to my husband about me feeling like he doesn't do enough to discipline them enough, leaving me to do it all.  We will see if he steps it up a little.  

Thank you for listening!!!!

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by Sheaby, Mar 15, 2014
Take a break!!!  You need some alone time or some time out with the girls.  Or go have date night with the hubby.  You can't survive on 1% of time without them, or you will go crazy and keep yelling.  Make it a point to do something once a week.  Find a sitter for a few hours, and go get your nails or hair done, go see a movie, get a massage, have a lunch date with friends.  Get out of the house and away from the babies for a little bit.  It'll help you feel better when you know how to relax a little and decompress for a little bit.  There's nothing wrong with a pop on the hand or a swat on the rear (in my opinion) if the need arises, either.  Woosah!!

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by Des_a_rae, Mar 15, 2014
I couldn't imagine juggling 2 at a time AND the same age.  I'm sure you're doing more than a wonderful job and I do think it's good that your DH was able to point this out to you.  It's not meaning you're a baby mommy, it just means that he's a wonderful father and although you don't realize you're doing it as often..he does and it helps you realize it and possibly fix it.  We got spankings when I was little(when we were about 7 or older before that it was just yells and pops on the hands)  and I'd much rather of had a spanking then have my dad yell at me lol.  His voice was just the meanest and those stares, omg... haunt me for days lol.   No I'm not saying go spanking or stop yelling..  Since your dh pointed this out to you.. it will keep you from being the "yelly mom".  I just don't think you'd ever be her to start with, but you know what I'm saying..I hope. :)  Sending you hugs!!  

I completely agree with Sheaby..  go have YOU time!  :)  You definitely deserve it.  :D    

Lol@ Woosah, we say that all the time!  Love that movie.  

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by Des_a_rae, Mar 15, 2014
bad mommy*  not baby  mommy... we know you're a baby mommy lol.  

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by butterflybabies, Mar 15, 2014
I know that's how it is at our house from time to time. I found myself yelling at the boys all the time. And I used to spank and did timeout (in the play pen). But I only did that for like 2wks. Now I haven't had to spank them or put them in a time out. They've caught on pretty fast that they will be punished if they behave badly. All I have to do is ask if they want a spanking and they immediately stop doing whatever they were doing bad.

I think it really just kinda hit me that they are little kids, they will be naughty from time to time. So now if I do raise my voice I stop and think "ok I'm not happy with what they are doing but does it really need a yelling"? And most times no. I will just get down to the boys level and calmly tell them to stop. It took a while for them to respond to this type of talking to but eventually they did. And tantrums drive me nuts! Especially Aleks as his voice is so loud and he will throw himself on the floor and kick and scream. But when he behaves like that I completely ignore him and he stops. If I say anything to him or when grandparents respond to it he acts even worse. So ignoring is great!

Maks on the other hand, when he's in trouble he will look at me and when I ask him if he wants a spanking he shakes his head no and starts spanking himself in the leg a couple times then looks up at me with the "huh" expression. Most times I have to turn away so he doesn't see me laughing. And he is soooo stubborn!

It's not easy staying sane with 2 toddlers! Sometimes you need to look at the situation and think if it's worth a yell. Now I just yell if they are hurting each other or doing something that could potentially hurt them. Which is why we have them fenced off in their playroom/family room so I can walk away if I need to and know they are ok in there and it hasn't made them act like animals when we go to someone's house and there's no fence to block them. They know not to touch stuff. But at our house when they aren't fenced in the playroom/family room they run wild lol.

Anyway just wanted to share my struggle I had with the yelling. Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe a day to pamper yourself will help you relax.

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by melimeli, Mar 15, 2014
First yu need a break, you will be a better mommy and wife if you take weekly time for yourself.  You need to make a plan with your husband where you get to go for a couple hours a week, wherever even if it is alone. Shopping, mani,pedi, to your moms, friends whatever.  You cannot do it all.

I would also suggest lev and logic for toddlers by Jim Faye.  It changed my hole parenting.  Natural consequences.  One bit of advice that I learned from is if you say something 5 times before yu get up and stop them you only raise kids that wait for you to say it five times before they do it.  It is better to pretend you don't even see it if you are to tired to get up and deal with it after the first time saying stop.  

Also, give yourself a break.  You or your kids do not need to be perfect.  Parenting is full of trial and error.  Good luck.

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by melimeli, Mar 15, 2014
Love and logic

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by krichar, Mar 15, 2014
LMAO!!! In turning into yelly mom too!! But raising the antichrist (aka teenager) and a terrible two-er has worn my patience out... LOL!!

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by krichar, Mar 15, 2014
*I'm

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by pb95, Mar 16, 2014
Yeah.  I agree with kritchar... it goes on as they grow.  We criticize a lot because we know they know better but they still pull the same baloney.  Taking a break is good I agree, but I also think they need us to yell at them some of the time!

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by plumber43, Mar 16, 2014
Mel, I only have one and she's out of control sometimes, I spanked my oldest three but only once then the threat made them stop, but this little girl, my beautiful Ella is strong willed. She basically never listens to me, I yell, my dd (25yo) keeps telling me to speak to her....how? Yikes, DH is against a little swat on the butt. She's strong and hits me too that makes me really mad! You have it times 2!!!!' I know there are books and websites but I'm not a reader, who has time?! Anyway, when you find out what we're supposed to do PLEASE let me know?
Love
Mel

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by Melissa_71, Mar 16, 2014
Mel I feel for u. Handling twins alone must be so hard. I yell too at times and feel bad but my son's with me pretty much 99.5%! Taking a short break helps. It gets a bit better after they are 2.5 but for what i am hearing from other moms they don't listen til after 4. I'm sure every child is different. Hang in there my friend.
You are doing your best and somedays will be better than others. Being at home full time with kids is def not easy. I never would have known but I am in the same boat for now. You are not the only one....I walk around my neighbourhood and i hear so many moms and dads yelling lol. We just need a break sometimes.


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by KTowne, Mar 16, 2014
Ugh I hear you!! I'm guilty of yelling too much, no twins here but a 4 year old and 1 year old get to be a bit much sometimes, I'm working on it but it helps to know I'm not alone! I'm a sahm and am home alone with them probably 75% of the time, trying to keep one quiet while my other naps, taking my son to and from school 4 times a day with a one year old in tow, wears me out!! If only alone time was in the cards for me! Dh works late and I have no one else to watch them. My "alone time" is each in their own rooms playing while I exercise, lol!

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by mhv, Mar 16, 2014
I stay at home too, amd swear winter makes it worse.  Not being able to get out...
Thank you,ladies!  I knew you would understand, and give me feedback!  That's why I love you!!


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by cheekyhalfs, Mar 21, 2014
I think your supermum running around after 2 toddlers! It's bloomin hard work, and Oliver's not even anywhere there yet but I've got 7 nieces & nephews that I played a huge part of them growing up. Agree with the ladies to try have some "me" time and enjoy being away from them, as much as that sounds awful and I know you adore them, we all need a break. Sounds like you are doing great! I know I yell lol (not at Ollie as he's only 9mths) but I did with my sisters kids, and we were all given a tap on the bottom as older children (I'm afraid I'm not a fan of smacking/tapping a baby/toddler as they at times don't fully understand, and in my personal opinion you're just teaching them to hit...then tell them off for hitting when they have this done to them, so it's confusing for them - just my honest opinion). Little ones totally test all boundaries and also seem to wind us up even more when we're having a tiring or bad day.

Great advice from melimeli :)

It's tough also trying to be on the same level as your partner with regards to discipline...I dread what me and my DH will be like when Oliver's older...I think I may be the more strict of us both ;)

Another thing maybe to do, if you have time and the chance to do it being so busy, is when your husband is around have one on one time with each little one? So spend half an hour with Cameron whilst Drake naps, or plays with his daddy and vice versa with Drake, so they both have that little bit of just you. Not sure if this will help or not :)

It's such a learning curve being a parent isn't it, one stage passes and then along comes the next where they start doing something else. Good luck and I hope you get some well deserved me time :)

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by Hollus, Jul 27, 2014
How's it going? Have things gotten any better? Is DH stepping up his game? I started a behavior chart for my 8 year old niece because things had gotten so bad. Since doing that she tries harder to follow directions, be respectful, polite, and not argue! They have all kinds of charts online and tips on how to use them too.

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by mhv, Jul 28, 2014
It is much better now :). Thanks for asking!!!  We are working on our parenting.

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