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Reminder.
Jul 05, 2009 11:05PM
- 15 comments
Last Night July 4th was my 28th wedding Anniversary.. I was sorely disappointed although I have everything in the world to be happy about.. I was in the most severe pain thus far with my shoulder.. I have needed a replacement for a couple of years but like everything I do I pushed to the limit.. I make this journal entry to remind me why I'm going to face my addiction again and the unbelievable pain of waking up after they do they work they need to do.. giving me a total shoulder replacement..
I had a severe headache all day towards the afternoon my muscles started posturing and growing very ridged in my arm neck back shoulder.. my bottom lip went numb along with my chin.. this is not a stroke.. it is all caused from the trauma to my shoulder.. Upset stomach bands of pain across the top of my head and forehead.. feeling very tired and weak.. not able to lift arm and a repeated falling out of socket and sliding back in.. this is a very shocking sensation and had bought many a tear to my eyes.. I can not turn my head to the left without pain.. my hand is having trouble making a fist.. I have lost muscle tone.. I can tell as I can not open a freaking zip lock bag as my left hand is slow to respond.. as my doctor said to me.. lesa you are not getting any younger and your arm is getting no better.. I rank this with my addiction.. I em getting no younger and I was not getting better.
I look forward to it getting better not worse.. 12 days and my pain will be on a new path of getting better.. just as my addictions have.. gotten better at accepting.. if I were to loose control of it in my physical condition with stage 3 kidney with just one.. I will be on dialysis and all hope will be over.. they do not give precious organs when they can not treat the Hep C..
I do not take pain meds now.. the pain has dropped me to my knees.. the pain in my foot I live with everyday.. but I will never accept to live with the pain of active addiction again.. I will be doled out my pain meds but I will reach a point where I will travel with out them and it will not be long.. 6 weeks or less to recover from this and they are gone.. wd will be what it is..
I had a severe headache all day towards the afternoon my muscles started posturing and growing very ridged in my arm neck back shoulder.. my bottom lip went numb along with my chin.. this is not a stroke.. it is all caused from the trauma to my shoulder.. Upset stomach bands of pain across the top of my head and forehead.. feeling very tired and weak.. not able to lift arm and a repeated falling out of socket and sliding back in.. this is a very shocking sensation and had bought many a tear to my eyes.. I can not turn my head to the left without pain.. my hand is having trouble making a fist.. I have lost muscle tone.. I can tell as I can not open a freaking zip lock bag as my left hand is slow to respond.. as my doctor said to me.. lesa you are not getting any younger and your arm is getting no better.. I rank this with my addiction.. I em getting no younger and I was not getting better.
I look forward to it getting better not worse.. 12 days and my pain will be on a new path of getting better.. just as my addictions have.. gotten better at accepting.. if I were to loose control of it in my physical condition with stage 3 kidney with just one.. I will be on dialysis and all hope will be over.. they do not give precious organs when they can not treat the Hep C..
I do not take pain meds now.. the pain has dropped me to my knees.. the pain in my foot I live with everyday.. but I will never accept to live with the pain of active addiction again.. I will be doled out my pain meds but I will reach a point where I will travel with out them and it will not be long.. 6 weeks or less to recover from this and they are gone.. wd will be what it is..
First off Happy Anniversary!!!!!
This is the first journal where you are looking forward to a new beginning with your shoulder. You are sounding positive even thru the pain. Remember the pain wont be there like it is now......You may not be getting younger but you ARE GETTING BETTER!!! We will be here with you every step of the way. You have a plan with the pain meds and you will stick to it. Love to you sara
This is the first journal where you are looking forward to a new beginning with your shoulder. You are sounding positive even thru the pain. Remember the pain wont be there like it is now......You may not be getting younger but you ARE GETTING BETTER!!! We will be here with you every step of the way. You have a plan with the pain meds and you will stick to it. Love to you sara
Thank you sara.. I do not know what I would do without you and all the wonderful support I have and look forward to receiving :) gotta tell you it s ucks right now but I sure do look forward to it getting better. I will be sticking to the plan. I have much to loose if I do not.. love ya
What a true fighter you are sweet Lesa! And what a lesson we all can learn in your determination and in your positive way of looking at things, You are a true inspiration to me. Of course I will be there with you all the way, told ya already!!!LOL
You are doing sooooooo good, words fail me right now, I'm just overwhelmed by your courage.
I love you strong woman!!!
xoxoxo. sophie.
You are doing sooooooo good, words fail me right now, I'm just overwhelmed by your courage.
I love you strong woman!!!
xoxoxo. sophie.
I cant imagine how bad it must be right now but you will feel like a new person once you get all healed. I am sure you will have a ton of physical therapy?? We will have to have a new shoulder celebration!!!!!!
Love you too Sophie.. a lot of my strength comes from my wonderful friends here.. and You Sunshine are counted as one :)) hugs
Yes we will LOL a new shoulder celebration !! Yep I will be having a lot of Physical Therapy.. and boy does it hurt.. it effects every aspect of my life.. I can be sitting our laying and it drops out of place.. a feeling I do not have words for.. night before last I was sleeping and it dropped out I thought it was going to go all the way and just fall out and not return.. That woke me alright LOL
Lesa, There are special slings that have straps to give some help with holding that shoulder in place. You need compression to the joint and MOIST heat to loosen those muscles. You should not have to go through 12 days of this torture. Do I have to fly all the way to CA to be your therapist lol. You are going to an orthopedic doctor that specializes in shoulder replacements right? Your new shoulder is going to work just fine. I am concerned about the numbness you speak of. There are so many nerves under your arm that can be damaged. Please call your doctor and tell him these things are getting worse and ask about this sling to hold your joint in place.Nerve damage is a whole seperate problem than your total shoulder. I'm very worried about you(> that's suppose to be a heart. Love you, Corey
Oh And Happy Anniversary to both you and Gary. 28 years is good Lesa. I'm thinking of the song Through The Years by Kenny Rodgers. I'm singing it to yins. lol. Corey
ok corey I will tell her.. she knows a lot of it as she does not usually do this for anyone under 60.. She is the best at this that the Hosp. has to offer and was recommended by garys ortho doc.. I wanted him but he said she is better.. Thank you.. I will call though as the numbness in my face drives me crazy and sitting up seems to exasperate it.. Yeah you are right on the torture part this is why I have not been on as much.. In fact my Dear sister I think I will lay down.. love you corey... do not worry..soon this will be over.. wabawabba
could someone please tell me what wabawabba means??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Sara...wabbawabba is the secret language of the sisters of the featherhood that can only be understood by sisters that were minnows in a former life. I think if we take you back in time we will find that you are one of us lol. Do you love water and lakes and have a fondness for river rocks??
Is there an initiation to this wabawabba or do i have to give you 2 my rocks i have?? I grew up in the water!!!
I really enjoyed this conversations. Lesa, be strong, and when yoiu are not, we will be strong for yhou. Love you. Very soon it is going to be so much better. I know that for sure.
Lesa:
I'm sending you prayers and healing energy to help you! I'm so sorry you are going through such pain - shoulder pain is not fun and it sounds like yours is really bad. And, Happy Belated Anniversary sweetie!
Hugs,
Janet
I'm sending you prayers and healing energy to help you! I'm so sorry you are going through such pain - shoulder pain is not fun and it sounds like yours is really bad. And, Happy Belated Anniversary sweetie!
Hugs,
Janet
well.. I made a decision today.. I'm suppose to stop the Motrin 800 Friday.. One week prior to my surgery.. I know the pain in my shoulder can not be dealt with on brute force alone.. It is taking a toll.. I e-mailed my Surgeon and asked if she would write me a script for 20 norco.. this is for 2 a day in this last week before surgery.. I also told her Gary will be controlling the meds.. This whole process of taking control of my addiction.. being 100 % Honest and up front from the beginning.. is very empowering and a tad humiliating.. this I will admit.. I do not think my Surgeon has any preconceived notions of what a addict in recovery does.. but I have found I did.. One of the hardest is getting over the fear you will be looked down on.. and to my surprise I have been treated with respect and listened to and genuinely showed concern.. she will not let me suffer as a part of me feared.. but instead she is tuning into my desires.. I'm still very confident in my war on my addiction and I will not loose focus..
I appreciate all the kind support and prayers that have been offered.. this is very humbling.. as we all know addicts live below the radar and the light is rather difficult to get use to.. Thank you all for being so great and have offered me your light in times of shadow.. For this I'm very grateful..
I will update as I go.. for myself and for any interested :) May your time here be of growth courage and honor..
I appreciate all the kind support and prayers that have been offered.. this is very humbling.. as we all know addicts live below the radar and the light is rather difficult to get use to.. Thank you all for being so great and have offered me your light in times of shadow.. For this I'm very grateful..
I will update as I go.. for myself and for any interested :) May your time here be of growth courage and honor..
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