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feeling defeated

Mar 18, 2014 - 1 comments
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unbearable pain



Hi I'm sitting on my bed Indian style the only way I can make my right hip stop feeling like someone is trying to rip it out of socket it's an unbearable pain can't really explain unless you feel it but no fun I'm guessing the rest if my pain is caused trying to get some kind of comfort which is not possible I'm not trying to be a baby in fact I think I'm even kind of tough a fighter even I've been in constant pain since I was 13 I am now 30 (17 yrs) over half my life only had 2 times where i wasn't overcomed with excruciating pain since then and it was childbirth when i had my epidural's it was such a relief to be numb not felling severe pain that I almost wished it was permanent but my boys need me to be able to get up probably wondering how or why I have hurt since such a young age well the answer is simple yet complicated I was ran over when I was 5yr old the astro mini van rolled over my pelvic area I can still hear the clunk clunk as the wheel was going over me so I'm being punished for 5 yr old me not listening to her mom when told not to hold onto sliding door handle while car was in motion I slid cause of curve and slid under the van I couldn't walk for a few months not positive exactly how long  I recovered with a hair line fracture on pelvic bone and one hip was stretched a half an inch longer then the other but had no pain until I hit a growth spurt at 12 or 13 and it just gets worse and worse everyday when I was pregnant with my first son in 2006 I was at hospital and fell asleep in chair woke up abruptly to my right leg being I guess twisted to the right my leg was stuck with foot turrned to the side and that made it worse and no one has giving me a reason why that would happen and it's only happened the one time during the same period of time I developed knots under my shoulder blade that if I raise arm over my head it will go numb if someone pushes it too hard while rubbing it I feel it tingle in my fingers now both shoulder blades I had my second son a year ago and now my left hip hurts to but not constantly like my right its really odd when my left hip hurts my right eases up a little I'm sorry if I'm all over the place my mind is consumed with pain mornings and nihhts are the absolute worse if I do manage to get a good nights sleep I pay for it in the morning I get this pain all the way up my back it feels like everything is superglued together and my movement is causing my muscles to rip from my spine but this pain usually will ease up after 30min-1hr feels like forever I cant even sit on potty when this Iid happening like I said I think I'm tough but everyone has their breaking point and I have reached mine it's sad when your children are so used to me being unable to do that they don't even seem to mind but I do I need to find some kind of way to at least make it to where I am able to do simple cchores like dishes standing in ine spot for more then a min. Kills me walking around isn't as bad until I stop or if I walked alot the day before I can't it literally feels like my leg is going to be ripped right outta socket it makes a clicking sound when I lift my leg and put it back down sometimes I will get a week here and there where its not debilitating but I think it just makes it worse having to get reaccustomed to what not to do to make it worse i forgot to mention I live in fl so any mention of pain has Dr's assuming that I'm just interested in medications which is not the case I hate having to take medication it makes me feel week but I also hate not being able to do any of the things a 30yr old should be able to do so I need someone who cares enough to listen and not just assuming that I am not in need of real help if you know whats going on with my body or know a Dr near Pensacola Fl that will listen to me and help me find out whats causing this pain so we can address it and at least make it to where i can stand sit lay or walk without wanting to die my family and friends are so tired of dealing with my whining and complaining but it consumes my thoughts this is my SOS please someone have the compassion to answer it

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by PainIsAFourLetterWord, Apr 14, 2014
I don't have any answers for you, sorry, but I had to at least reach out and tell you that I'm so sorry that you are suffering the way that you are!  It is awful to suffer pain.  I suffer chronic pain too and I understand, to a degree, what you're going through.  I would suggest you see as many doctors as you need to see until you find someone that will help you!  You deserve to have some kind of relief!  Please keep trying to get help. You are so young and your children would love to have all of you back, and I know you want to be there for them.  Having kids only adds to the horrible guilt we pain sufferers feel because we want to give them more that we physically can.  

P.S.  Your accident at 5 wasn't your fault.  Your mother may have warned you but what 5 year old listens??  Please, I hope you don't blame yourself for that.  

I understand unbearable pain.  You're not alone.  Best to you.

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