Is it Panic?

I figured I would compose a journal entry to share some of my experience with you all.  Especially for those of you who are new to the world of panic and anxiety.  First and foremost, you are FAR from alone, and second...there IS hope.  

So, you are standing in the line at the grocery store, going about your day...feeling just fine.  All of a sudden, your heart starts pounding, your arms start shaking, your legs feels as if they are turning to rubber.  WTH is this, you think?  You try to ignore it, but the sensations are overwhelming.  Soon, you begin to feel nauseated, your chest hurts now, and it feels as if your heart will beat right out of your chest.  You start sweating profusely.  You want to cry.  What is happening?  Surely, you are having a heart attack right this moment, you think to yourself.  Or, you have gone insane, right in the middle of the grocery store.  Now you are borderline dizzy and you decide it is time to abandon ship and get the *bleep* out of there.

You casually walk out the line, shove your full cart into a corner and leave the store.  You drive straight home, imagining that you will probably need to call 911 in mere minutes.  As you near your house, you start feeling a little bit better.  Your heart still pounds, but the other symptoms are starting to subside.

You finally get home and you are feeling almost back to normal except that you are left feeling confused and frightened.  What just happened?  Was it a heart attack?  A stroke?  An aneurysm?  You know you are young and healthy, so maybe it is something else?  A psychotic episode?

After an hour or so, you are able to shrug it off.  The memory of the sensations is quite frightening, but you go about your day as always....and try to not think about it anymore.  Several days later, all things seem to be back to normal...you have had no further episodes.  All is forgotten.  Since you abruptly aborted the last shopping trip, you MUST get to the store, your family cannot stomach Hamburger Helper one more night.  You are browsing around through the store minding your own business, when you notice almost a "butterfly" feeling in your stomach.  You don't care for this feeling at all...and you are starting to get a headache.  You notice that your face is hot and almost tingling, like it is going numb.  Oh my, what now?  A stroke?

You head to the checkout with the few items you have managed to get into your cart, when it hits you again like a ton of bricks.  Your heart races, you feel an impending sense of doom, the same feeling you would have if someone had been holding a gun to your head.

This time, you don't wait it out....you run out of the store and drive to the nearest ER...you run in and tell them you are having a heart attack or a stroke.  The rush you back and perform every test under the sun on you.  The diagnosis?  You are a perfectly physically healthy individual and you have just experienced a panic attack.  A WHAT?  But, I'm not anxious or nervous, you think to yourself.  I'm not even stressed!!!

A month later you are having panic attacks daily and have never been able to set foot back into that scary grocery store, not to mention many other places.  About the only place you feel "ok" is at home.  Your mind races with scary thoughts....being stuck in a horrible traffic jam, or on a bridge, in a tunnel...you imagine being places where "escape" would be nearly impossible.  When you DO have something planned that you cannot get out of, you worry and worry, making yourself sick for days, weeks beforehand (termed "anticipatory anxiety").  You are frustrated, scared, sad....you cry at the drop of a hat...and everything "looks" funny.  It's as if your eyes are a movie projector and things are not "real".  Why you?  You wonder this over and over, finding the diagnosis of "anxiety/panic" as being ridiculous...you aren't stressed!!!!

Guess what?  MILLIONS of us have been there.....that first significant panic attack that comes basically "out of the blue", and scares the living daylights out of us.  At first, we shrug it off, until it becomes so bothersome that we are either spending every day in the ER, convinvced we have a fatal disease/condition (otherwise known as "health anxiety")....or being petrified that we have gone "crazy" and will spend eternity in an institution.  All of the symptoms of panic and chronic anxiety vary from person to person....but the list is extensive, and can include just about any sensation....from sweating, chest pain, palpitations (heart racing), headaches, shaking, crying, dizziness, numbness/tingling, nausea, diarrhea, shortness of breath, feeling of "unreality", or being "disconnected" from ourselves, abdominal pain, eye symptoms, ringing in the ears....and the list goes on and on.  

There is a very simple reason for the variety and very "realness" of the physical symptoms that accompany a panic attack.  That is because the symptoms ARE real and are related to the "fight or flight" response.  What basically happens...is for some unknown reason...our brain initiates the F or F response (otherwise known as the sympathetic nervous system), which of course would be present in the event of a real threat to our safety....only in the event of a PA, the "threat" is perceived....so therefore...it is that much more baffling and upsetting.  Your brain gets in gear....preparing for either fighting of fleeing for our lives.  Adrenalin is released, and your heart rate raises (races even), allowing for increased circulation to the extremities for running (as an example), your perception/senses are extremely heightened to allow you to assess the danger and prepare a plan.  This very natural response (which is vital in self preservation for REAL dangerous situations) creates those VERY real symptoms....the problem IS...when there is NOT an actual real threat, and it comes "out of the blue"...that response in itself, which is out of context...is scary as heck.  The GOOD news is....whether or not you feel like you can get through a PA, or help to make it go away....the body will always take over.  In the event of a real danger, when the threat is removed, the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, and allows the body to return to the normal state, slowing the heart rate back down, and bringing the person back to a state of relaxation. Same thing with a PA...eventually, the brain realizes there is no threat, and the parasympathetic nervous sys kicks in, calming us down.

Problem is, and how the "cycle of panic" begins is we begin to "fear the fear".  What that basically means is....the event (panic attack) itself is SO frightening, that we begin the cycle by fearing the next one....and the fact that they appear to sort of just happen when we least expect them, adds to the fright factor.  The next step for a lot of people is to start to avoid ANY place or "trigger" that one believes will cause a PA.  Example...the grocery store....if your first PA attack happened in the grocery store, a lot of times...you begin to associate the PA or anxiety WITH the store itself.  Same thing goes for non-locations.  What I mean by that is...if a person experiences a severe PA attack at bedtime...chances are...the pattern will continue and MOST evenings will be accompanied by either a high level of anxiety, or an actual panic attack.  It is basically our brains associating a time, location, person, event...with a PA.  When it comes to locations, people start to avoid any place that they perceive to maybe cause a problem for themselves.  Many times, a person ends up having trouble even walking out their door to the mailbox, becoming basically "housebound".  This is called "agoraphobia".  The official definition of agoraphobia is "fear of open places" of "fear of the marketplace".  This is very commonly associated with panic disorder, and can be quite debilitating.

Hopefully, I've been able to shed some light on panic and anxiety.  The good news after reading all of these horrid, awful things is....there IS hope and there are a LOT of different successful treatments out there for anxiety and panic....ranging from medications and/or talk therapy, to meditation, and natural treatments.  There is basically a treatment to suit anyone's needs.  I will write another journal soon describing some of the anxiety treatments available, and explain how the more commonly prescribed medications are designed to work.

Mainly, I want people to realize that there IS hope and if you are new to panic/anxiety, or an old "pro" who has just had another "bout" of it after years of wellness......we all have a light at the end of our tunnels.  The best first step, in my opinion....that anyone can take is getting to their doctor and sharing your symptoms so that you can begin to explore your options.  Also, educating yourself on the disorder is so very helpful.  It isn't nearly as scary once you begin to understand the dynamics behind it and realize just how common it actually is.  A PA is basically emotions....and once you learn that emotions, no matter how scary they may feel, cannot HARM you, you will begin to feel much better.  You are far from alone.

Lastly, sharing your thoughts and feelings openly on this kind of forum is priceless therapy.  You will find so much understanding and support here.  It makes the days a bit easier until you start working through it.

I have compassion for every single person reading this....and wish you all peaceful days ahead.