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I worry about my 40 hours

Jul 07, 2009 - 0 comments
Tags:

s party,maine,chelsey,jon,hello kitty,Sanri,DCs,Journeys,mall,7th grade,walmart,clips,airsoft gun,depakote,wellbutrin,psychotic,missed meds,depression,little fuckers,ambien,yaz,driver

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40 OOC driving hours

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steve

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driving

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mother

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banana bread

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Reflux

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upchuckhiccuping

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agony

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Tattoo Fever

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belly ring

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turkey sandwich

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sheis ed

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subteacher

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cigarette

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Smoking

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rain

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weed

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driving time

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observation time



Too much. I'm doing alright, steve is well done class and still has no hours. I got up late today, we finally went shopping around three. Mother made banana bread. I loooove banana bread, but it upsets my reflux, I'm upchuckhiccuping all day. We went to Agony and Tattoo Fever, then bought a green gemmed stainless steel belly ring from Agony. I've been craving a ******* turkey sandwich all day, but I can't bring myself to waste my calories on it today. Not when I may have to be around GIRLS IN A BATHING SUIT, tomarrow. Mother, me, and Jon went to the mall. I got Shei a present from the hello kitty store in the mall. And I bought a pair of DCs in Journey's. My first DCs since I got my second pair, going into 7th grade. Then we went to Walmart, and I walked in circles while jon bought more clips for his airsoft. We ate at the mall. Came home. And I've been here.

I had driver's ed. With a sub teacher. I nearly jumped a kid for a cigarette, completely literally. I felt myself almost jump out of my skin, if I hadn't been shaking violently in the cold rainyness, I may have snatched it from him. We talk about weed alot. I got another driving and observation hour. Tuesday, 4:30. So they're right before class, when I finish up. But after I'll get back from Maine. Class always seems like a bummer, cause it's two and a half hours long, but somehow I survive. And I try to pay attention. The seats are very uncomfortable.

When I fill in that I did or not take my depakote and wellbutrin, it's purely based on my intents to or not. Depending on, honestly, how psychotic my night is going. Stupidly, I let myself go haywire, fully aware it will happen. Somehow I can always justify it to myself, in the moment. I won't feel it for two weeks anways, I may not be depressed by then anyways! Whatever it is. Later on when I can't pry myself out of bed I remember that the only reason I am not presently dead on the bathroom floor is the antidepressants- because without some sort of regulation, I would still be majorly depressed. I always take my sleeping meds and birth control though. Religiously. Though I know it's truly only because they're very small, and I do not choke on them, they do not get stuck to the top of my mouth and try to kill me. Those little ******* have minds of there own =[.

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