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CRAP!!! So embarrassed....

Mar 25, 2014 - 27 comments

****!!!!! I just found out that I failed two of my tests.... Why do I even go to school??!!!! ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!  Well I didn't study, so I guess I did deserve it, but if I didn't have this ******* problem with homework, or if I were actually motivated to study now, then I probably would have fricken passed!! I see the two marks, 15% and 23%, gosh I am so embarrassed.
Oh and now, my mum wants to go to the Parent teacher interviews because she wants to see why I am falling so behind... Goodness me, I told her its because I can't be bothered doing my work anymore... And she is like "no I wont to go to the school and see whats going on! And I know that you are making a fool out of grandma, because you tell her your going to do your homework, then all she hears is giggles from your room!!"
I do call my friends once in a million years, and ifs its while im supposed to be doing my homework, it'll be about something to do with school.. At first she didn't want to go to the interviews, no she wants to. And I told her she can go if she likes, but I am not going. I know what all the teachers are going to say already!! I have heard the same thing for the past 2 years!!! So as far as I am concerned, SHE GOES ALONE!



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by nursegirl6572, Mar 25, 2014
Well, sweetie, it's a normal (and good) thing that your mom wants to talk to your teachers about your grades.  With two very low failing grades, that would concern any parent.  

It sounds like you kind of already know what part of your problem is...you're not bothering to put forth any effort.  Sometimes a person can skate by without studying or applying themselves, but usually, one must study and do the work to expect to stay afloat in school.

Hope you can figure out a new plan.  I know you're young, and you don't see the big picture yet, but school and your grades are VITAL to how your future goes.  You will have a LOT more choices after HS if your grades are good.  

Good luck to you!

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 25, 2014
But its not that much of a good thing with me... She hears the same exact thing every year, "Marcy has to put In more effort, and get this homework problem sorted out. Remember it doesn't have to be perfect, just get the work done..." and bla bla bla...
I do know what the problem is... Bit if im lazy now, there is a whole story behind it. I stopped studying because I wask sick of trying so hard, not to mention was chronically sleep deprived. So I gave up on doing work basically, slowly, but now here I am wasting like almost every day doing nothing. All the motivation has disappeared out of my life, like I just want to waste it away or something...
I know that school grades are vital, and I care I do, but I just need a goal, a purpose, something that makes me feel like I can do something with my life...

Thanks for your comment nursegirl xx



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by brice1967, Mar 25, 2014
Marcy,

I certainly mean no disrespect when I say this, but your above post at least 2 goals for you to achieve.  The problem with goals is, they don't accomplish them.  

You mentioned being lazy...  Goal #1.  Study more
Your grades...Goal #2.  Get your grades up

By trying harder on these 2 goals, your grades are very likely to improve but you have to stay engaged with attaining your goals.  As soon as you decide you don't care, everything falls to pieces.

Being able to find something to do with your life starts by setting little goals which set up larger, more important goals.  You can easily prove you are worthy of being able to "do something with my life" by attacking the small yet very obvious goals.

From my own experiences, I can tell you that no goals can be achieved unless YOU set them and YOU commit to achieving them.  Goals don't present themselves, but opportunities do and I can't tell you how many opportunities I've squandered when I was going through my depression.  Instead of doing things for me, I was more concerned with what other people wanted ME to do.  The problem was, I had no goals.  I set nothing for myself to achieve so all I was someone elses entertainment, helping them achieve goals.  

Again, I don't want to sound out of line here but I can see your problem as a mirror reflection of my own.  You see your teacher as nagging about your grades.  There was a time I would have too.  I see your teacher trying to inspire you and your mother going to these meetings is all the proof you need that you have support of at least 2 people.  

I can tell you that if you set NO goals in life, you don't get much out of it either.  That is the most unfortunate thing I can think of when I speak to a younger person like you.  You've probably heard 50 people tell you that you have the "whole world in front of you".  Its because you do and its because those people at one point in time or another found themselves in the same spot you are in.

In closing, look at all of the super successful people in the world.  The one thing they all have in common is, they keep setting goals and they never stop until they achieve them.... then the process starts over.  New goals set and the road to achieving them.

You can do this.  It takes work and focus and only you get to make those decisions.

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by Hollus, Mar 25, 2014
I agree with brice1967 that it's up to you to decide what and how YOU want to proceed. Don't let anyone else take power away from you! I am curious about something though. Do you feel like you aren't worth loving, you don't deserve good grades, or a chance to be happy? Have you looked into DBT yet? It might be helpful to have a neutral party to talk to and help you work through the emotional crisis you are going through right now. It's hard to find motivation if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really hope this helps give you another perspective and please don't thing you are bad because of your grades. Grades are just grades and while they MAY help you have more job opportunities, they are not the be all end all.

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 25, 2014
Thank you to you two (Hollus and brice).
Yes i guess i can do it. I guess i do feel like i am not worth being happy, i try almost everything in my power to make myself feel worse (usually)... Its as if being unhappy is my purpose, is what makes me happy, because people will notice me most of the time and care. I dont know why i want all this attention from teachers at my school, i guess all i want is to feel special. but at the moment there is nothing that will separate me from everyone else. I dont want to fit in, i want to stand out...Thats why i have tried so hard to be perfect, because for me, perfection = different/special.
Do you get what i mean? So that where i am at the moment. I can't be bothered going on with life, its like im sick of trying so hard, im sick of feeling like im not getting anywhere. What is my purpose... I dont want it to be to be unhappy, because it makes me feel like i want to die sometimes....
But without my good grades, people with think i am stupid............i will think i am stupid.... :( Im sick of it..

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 26, 2014
Embarrassment is a motivating factor Marcy.For some kids, appreciating their single mother working so hard, and not wanting to stress them out can be a useful motivating factor as well. Not wanting to stand out to teachers as the girl that refused to do her homework , can be a motivating factor. Wanting to feel good , like you did when your teacher's assistant recognized your talent when she read your poem ,and suggesting you submit it to competition, can be a motivating factor. Being able to say, that you weren't held back a grade, but soldiered on and found your way back to the top, can be a motivating factor. .

You talk alot about having no motivation to do well. You seem to be stuck there and refusing to do any work at all because you don't know what specific goal you're working towards. I think you think you need to declare your major in grade 10, but that's not the case. Many first year university students don't know what major to declare for the first year. Their goal is to move forward in a Good Orderly Direction. I think you too need to keep it simple. If you know that you would like to do something with your life, other than to clean other people's toilets, then you need to do your homework and work to your potential. Do the best that you can do. ditch the barrage of negative statements you surround yourself with, and replace them with positive statements. This will help. But, it' will take work and only you can do the work...  

Many alcoholics get stymied when they read that they must believe in a higher power, like God. and it is handled simply. AA tells you if you do not believe in God, then believe in a Good Orderly Direction. KEEP IT SIMPLE works here. and maybe for you too.

Bottom line : I think it's a good thing that your mother is aware of some of your difficulties now, moreso than before. The squeaky wheel get's oiled. You need to openly talk about how you are feeling, but just as important is that you put your listening ears on. Gain some humility. You're crying out for help. Please refrain from describing people caring about you,as "BLAH BLAH BLAH", If you followed the advise , you'd be on your way back to the top of your game. Beware looking for attention by falling behind. It's a dangerous place to be, on the way down before you're even out of your mother's care.

Honey, I think it would serve you well to read up on humility and think about not being stubborn and holding on to these new poor patterns of behavior. Now that you're failing, you will be noticed if you pull yourself up by your boot straps. You will get the attention that you've said that you need, and want. You don't need to fail anymore to get this attention, okay?



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by Nighthawk61, Mar 26, 2014
And as far as your mother going alone to the meeting, maybe that would be best. They have a very serous problem to discuss.  I just hope that it doesn't upset your mom too much, she works so hard to support you, it would be a shame if she felt you were not there to support her when you could of.



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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 26, 2014
I know Liz,, all those are good factors in motivating myself... But they are what I used before... And now the motivation has worn off, and I don't want to do it anymore...
I cant talk about how I am feeling to my mum.. I am sorry I just don't want to... Im sorry im being so reluctant, but there are others who I would rather talk to...
I don't know Liz... I know you know more about being a mother than I do, and all that, but I just cant... I do not want to be there in that room while they ask me questions and make me open up about whats going on. But then again, I have told one of my teachers that I have basically given up and she might tell mum anyway. Oh GOD!!! I don't want her to go... Then she is going to come back and ask me about it, and set strict rules on homework time and bla bla bla. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry... I am crying out for help, but at the same time all I want to do is make myself worse... What a I doing Liz? I don't know what I want anymore....

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 26, 2014
I can only hope that your mom DOES set rules for you as far as your homework, like taking your phone, and putting the computer in the front room so that she can oversee that you are using the internet for studies only.

This would be the absolute BEST way that your mom could support you. anything less is of no value whatsoever.

You need rules, and I think a good part of the reason that you don't want your mom involved, is so that she doesn't give you rules .

Nonetheless, I hope she is smart enough to do it~ for your sake. You need some structure right now.Otherwise I fear you will be lost maybe forever.

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 26, 2014
well, talk about what you don't want......

do you want to clean toilets for a living?

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 26, 2014
you say why do you even go to school, only to get a 15% and 23% on a couple of tests. The fact is, that without doing your homework, you might as well not bother at all. You'll get fail grades anyways if you refuse to do your homework.

is it that you can't do the work, or that you're not getting enough attention from past effort to warrant you doing your homework? which is it?

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 26, 2014
Its the second one...
No I don't want to clean toilets for a living... I want to be successful, I want to make people proud... I want to make myself proud. But at the moment I can't. Because my stupid mind is stopping me.
Can I ask you something Liz.... I often wonder why you haven't given up on me yet.. You know I am stubborn, and I know you are getting frustrated with me, just like everyone else in this world is... but why do you keep trying? Do you honestly think I can be happy?
I understand all that. But that's the thing, I really don't bother at all...
Oh goodness, I don't even know what I am talking about anymore. Okay ;Liz, I'll try, and ill do it...

I am so sorry......

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by brice1967, Mar 26, 2014
Marcy,
I see so many similarities between how you feel/what you are going through and what I went through.  It's really hard for people to understand what folks like us are going through.  More often than not, we LOOK like we are doing okay but on the inside there is a constant war going on.  (I learned that we can't expect people to understand that.)

My depression was like a giant cycle, and at the top of the cycle (as good as I could possibly feel was mediocre at best) so I constantly went from feeling mediocre to having the bottom fall out back to trying to climb my way to mediocre again.  The more I tried to be happy, the more depressed I felt.  I too wanted to succeed.  I wanted to feel appreciated.  I wanted to feel as if I had a purpose but more than anything.... I wanted to feel normal.  

As it turns out, feeling normal was something that I deprived myself of.  I wouldn't allow myself to feel good because feeling crappy was were I felt more comfortable.  (I think you understand.)  It was just easier to be at the bottom of the hole, in the darkness where few would appreciate me.  It was self imposed.  I was doing this to myself and I have to tell you.  I was doing the same old thing in therapy 2 times a week for I don't know how long, listening to the same old things week after week.

As long as I could focus on the meetings, I could make sense of the stuff that I was doing.  But, by the next meeting I was back in the hole again.  Then one day my therapist asked me how I was feeling, to which I replied, "horrible as usual" and she told me, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO STOP THAT.  Its something she said probably 100 times and it never caught on, but that day it did.  During that meeting we went through all of the things in my life that were bothering me.  One by one, I put them away by realizing that I only had so much control of the things around me.  I also realized that the more I concentrated on the positives in life, the more positive things I began to notice.  

It was at this point that MY life started to make sense to me.  My poor wife and kids were doing everything in their power to make me happy but it was ME that had to snuff out all of the constant bad thoughts.  I went from feeling worthless to feeling as if I had an abundance of worth after a period of time.  And when I thanked my therapist, she told me that I did all the work and that she opened the door.  I believe that and I am forever grateful for her to have opened  that door for me.

I still have some down days, but they are nothing like they used to be.  My down days used to be weeks or even months long.  Now, they are just a day or even just a few hours and then I flip that switch.  

It is when I made the conscious decision to make a difference in my own life that I realized I could make a difference in other peoples lives.  I've done that.  I'm proud of that.  I set goals, achieved them and felt good about it.... pretty much all I ever wanted.  It takes work Marcy and you cant lose focus.  Losing focus or getting lazy is giving in to the depression and you know that you dont want that.  It is hard... damned hard.  Its the hardest thing I've ever done, and I am so glad that I never gave up.  I had to hit the re-set button a couple of times but never turned away once I got started.


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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 27, 2014
Wow what a story... Thanks for sharing it with me...
Alright, I do have the power don't I? You know what, I know that although I seem like I am agreeing, later on ill probably fall into that doubting hole again... BUt it takes time, as you said....
Okay, i'll try. :) :) I'll keep going, no matter how many times I feel like giving up.
Thanks so much.

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 27, 2014
Sweety, we've talked about you not having to say you're sorry for anything, right? cus we're all friends here supporting each other. My time may come.

Contrary to the last poster's opinion, I believe that you would benefit from as many people that weigh in to support you, as possible so that you can take consciously or sub consciously from a pool of info, that frankly is precisely the same,  from what I can see.

Both my 26 year old son and myself have suffered through depression anxiety, although we chose to talk it out, with therapists and opted out of medication. My son actually had to get off medication he was on, because it made him feel strange and awkward. We worked out our difficulties by slowly but surely changing the way we allowed ourselves to speak to ourselves. In order to allow in the light, we had to take action and cut out negative self talk. And it's worked like a charm. I think that it will make a huge difference in your life so....first things first,  Keep It Simple. Try when you have a negative self defeating thought, try to STOMP IT out and replace it with positive thoughts that you put aside for just such an occasion.

We get on here, to try and raise peoples bottoms. As Brice said.....I was doing the same old thing in therapy 2 times a week for I don't know how long, listening to the same old things week after week.  This is precisely what I mean about raising your bottom. That is the beauty of our site. We are so lucky to have Medhelp at our disposal.

Have a good week Marcy. Talk to you soon. Do your homework. Cut out the excuses. You can do it. The prize of not feeling the embarrassment of failing will make it all worth while. I was so glad to hear that you spent hours at your math. Cant wait to hear how you re doing this week.

Heart

Liz.




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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 27, 2014
Awww thanks so much Liz. Yes okay. Here I go, it feels like I am starting all over again, but I guess I just have to stop giving up, right? hehehe
I'm going to try that tomorrow... I have 2 periods of sport, 2 periods of Science, and 2 periods of English. Those last 4 periods, scared the crap out of me every week... BUt I guess I just have to do it. I am behind, yes, but if I keep wasting my time in class, I'll never get anywhere will I? I am going to try.

Marcy xox

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 28, 2014
You'll be able to catch up slowly but surely. You sound so much better than you have in the past. Something is working for you. Talking it out, listening to others who have risen to the challenge , and have gotten to the other side of depression helps immensely. You are not alone in this Marcy. Is your mom still going, or has she gone, to the school meeting?

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 29, 2014
Yes I know, ill keep going then.

Well no,... she decided she doesn't want to go anymore. Although that is what I wanted, I was sort of frustrated because she can't make up her mind, let alone be bothered going... I had organised an appointment with the counsellor after school this Monday, knowing that my anxiety may get a little high the day before the interviews (they are on Tuesday), and it was specifically for that. My counsellor even said "You are strong enough to tell your mum whats going on..."
But now since she isn't going, there really isn't a pointin seeing her that day anymore.... I am going to reschedule for later in the week....
And guess what? Holidays are coming up. Next week is the last week... And I really don't know how to feel about it. Im scared that I am going to do the same thing I always do... waste time. Its like a part of me imagines myself studying so hard to get where I need to be, but another part KNOWS that I wont do anything. Because that is what has happened for the past several holidays. Even the long 6 week holidays. Now we have only 2 weeks, but either way, I know I am nowhere near motivated enough to do my work... UURRRGGHh!!!
Soemtimes I wish I could be back the way I used to be. Working hard til midnight or 3am in the morning... Just as long as I am actually working and doing something... Even with the level of anxiety I had back then, I still tried to study and got something done usually... BUt then it got worse and it stopped me from doing homework... Now my anxiety has been pretty good so far and im not doing anything.

I just don't understand anymore.......

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 29, 2014
When I was having trouble in my life getting things done, it was usually because of depression due to a whole host of reasons. It was getting to the reasons that helped a great deal.

I'm reading something here that's significant. You feel that your mom can't be bothered going to your school meeting, and you mentioned specifically that she can't make up her mind.

My mother never bothered either, Big Big Big mistake. Just as I did, you need your parent to care enough to try and help you with what you're going through. Having a parent care enough to put a restriction on your time, so that you absolutely do your homework, is exactly what you need. and I think deep down you know that. I think deep down, you know that you need your mom to step up for you and give you some structure to help you stay ahead of the game.

I'm so sorry that she didn't follow through. All I can say definitively is this. That many parent's make these same grave errors in judgment when it comes to their kid's not because they don't love, them, but because, they simply are ignorant of all the necessities of life. It takes so much work to raise a child and keep a home, when you're on your own, that some seemingly obvious things get missed.

PLEASE get to the counselor on Monday or Tuesday , as soon as they can see you, and tell them what you've said here......

1)  ....................that although you had your reservations about your mom attending, it was worse that she COULDN''T MAKE UP HER MIND, OR BE BOTHERED GOING.  The thing is this, I believe that you are attaching emotionally to teachers and assistant teacher, whom are female, because you feel that they care more about your inner emotions than maybe your mom. I think you're confused as to why you are not closer to your mom, and why you don't feel comfortable telling her the important stuff that weighs so heavily on you.

You've probably heard that kids need structure right? Kids need to have limits put down so that they can get their stuff done, and also know that their parent's care. They car enough to give the structure that results in good marks, or enough sleep. YOU NEED HELP TO ACHIEVE YOUR POTENTIAL.

2).......................tell your counselor that you are scared that you are not going to have the motivation to get to your studies. That you have been totally wasting you time at home and ask if she has any suggestions.

My suggestion to you is this. To make a detailed report or everything that you need to achieve.

ie.

Saturday:  12:00 pm - 4pm English      7pm - 10 pm Math
Sunday      12:00pm - 4pm English      7pm - 10 pm Science.

You can write out the topics if you wish. Check it off when you get it done. Recognize your achievement when you do what you set out to do, by telling your friends that care, like us . here. It means a great deal to us to be able to help you get through this, get caught up, and get ahead of the game once again. Together, with the counselor, Marcy, you can beat this. Maybe your mom will get on board, maybe you can work with the counselor, and you both can devise a way for you to talk to your mom about the way you feel and your reluctance to talk to her and tell her anything about who you are right now too! But, first things first. Let's get Marcy motivated to do her level best, and to achieve her potential.

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 29, 2014
The only problem is Liz, that im scared that if I leave this appointment for Monday after school. I may need it later during the week (just before the holidays). So I can talk to her about all this, but all I have to do is change the day... Because I don't think she would want to, or think I should, have to appointments in one week...

I can beat this, and one day I will actually believe those words that come out of my mouth... But, positive thoughts Marcy.... Don't let the negative get in... Push them away.... FIGHT.... Remember its hard to win a battle against your thoughts, but you are strong enough....
Hhaha talking to myself there for a moment. Im trying to motivate myself, but your right, its quite obvious that I cant do it alone.. as much I as I want to handle all this by myself, I know it won't get anywhere....

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 29, 2014
BUt you know what mum thinks? She thinks that this entire thing is because I a just lazy and get distracted with friends, and all that.. But what I wish she could understand, even though I don't want to tell her, is that there is a lot more to it. Before it was never that I didn't want to do it, it was that I couldn't do it.

Oh and the other day, I was in the shops with mum and we were going to buy a hot dog. As we walked to the little shop, she said "You have been really weird lately.." I asked her why and she didn't reply... So I don't know what's going on there, but I thought I would tell you that.

And yes I think she cant be bother because she cant even be bothered walking 100m or so. I mean she asked me today as we were walking into my tennis club to look for someone, "can you go and see if she is there?" My reply was, "Why don't you go? Don't be lazy and get some exercise. Its not much to walk" Or something along those lines anyway...
You know what, I know you told me about that book a while ago, I still haven't gotten it... I cant say I haven't had time, because that obviously is not true, but I just haven't done it... But honestly, my mum is putting on weight I think.. I can stand up to her and get her to do something about it  I find it really annoying. You know its no wonder I cant rely on her, she can't even take care of herself... Goodness me...



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by brice1967, Mar 29, 2014
"Wow what a story... Thanks for sharing it with me...
Alright, I do have the power don't I? You know what, I know that although I seem like I am agreeing, later on ill probably fall into that doubting hole again... BUt it takes time, as you said.... "

Undoubtedly you may slide back in the hole again, but the key is knowing when it is happening and to grab a hold of something and keep yourself from falling all they way back in.  There is an old saying, "fake it until you make it".  Even if you slip, its more than okay to grab yourself and pull yourself back out and get back to work.  You may do this 100 times or maybe 1000 times, but you don't stop picking yourself up.

Marcy, I can tell you that nothing was more worthwhile in my life than standing up to my depression and fighting through it.  It wasn't always easy and I slipped back often, but the more attention I paid it, the easier it all became.  Then and only then did it get easier to pull myself out of the hole.  

Something else to think about is, it is okay to have a down day.  Even the most positive people have days or portions of days that don't go so well.  What these people have that folks like you and I can get is the ability to fight these bad days off and not let them run together.  I think if you take a good look and begin to understand your fight, your fight becomes an easier fight to stay engaged in.

As for your mum....  You can't make her exercise and she can't make you get over your moods.  Exercise is something that she has to want to do and YOU have to spend the time and energy getting through the tough cycles in your life.  You can do this for you and she can do this for her.  Both of you could be excellent support systems for the other if you'd allow that to happen.

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 29, 2014
Yes, I have heard that sayin before several times... Its funny how I never thought I would be using it to help me... haha

The thing is that mum may find out about how I am going in school and she might wonder why I didn't tell her, or why I don't want to talk and open up to her. But she is not going to do anything about herself, because it seems like she doesn't care. The excuses are always "I don't have time." "Im too tired", bla bla bla Sometimes I just wonder why she doesn't try.. She says she is stressed most days, but when she has a day to relax, never does... She never goes through with ANYTHING!! I just think one day I might lose it and tell her to get her act together. I think she is a hypocrite. She tells me to do things over and over, but can never do them herself...
That is what I don't understand..

But okay, ill keep repeating it and picking myself up, and I will keep trying...

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by brice1967, Mar 29, 2014
The things your mother say are things I said over and over when I was depressed.  If you'll read your posts above, you say things very similar.  "I don't have time" or "I'm too tired" sounds a lot like "being lazy".  (You said that was your issue.)  Nonetheless, your fight is your fight and your mothers is hers.  You losing it and saying something to her will do no good.  She has to make the decision about doing something about it and sticking to it, just like you do with your case.

I think your mom wants to help you and I think it might not be a bad idea to listen to her and allow her to help.  maybe, just maybe if she could get you back on track she would have time and energy to spend on her own issues.  

I wish you both peace.

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by mishymoshymarcy, Mar 29, 2014
Thank you very much brice

I'll keep that in mind. :)

I wish you peace also.

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by Nighthawk61, Mar 30, 2014
Your mom works, pays the rent or mortgage , pays for tennis lessons, and you say you have a good life.
First things first. You need to sit in a calm place , deep breathe , and relax and just BE
Be grateful for what your mom has given to you and ask yourself to let go of the resentments.

Nothing get's done from a position of anger. Anger, however is good in that it allows us to see what we would like to change in us and around us. Once we know, it's up to us to find ways to get what we want done, in a compassionate and loving way.

I told you about a book called Eat To Live, by Dr Joel Fuhrman. You must have seen Fuhrman on Dr. Oz (maybe not, cuz you're in school). Dr. Fuhrman has written a beautiful concise book about how our diets that we've been spoon fed by manufacturers is killing us and causing us cancer.

Wouldn't it be nice if, while you were working hard getting your GED and planning to go on to post secondary school, your Mom were to read up on a new way of life, and eating, that would extend her natural life? Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were to have suggested something the right way that motivates her to get started?

Let your Mom know, maybe even by letter, that you appreciate that she has been working hard to provide for you every day (I assume)

She's kept a job right?  Employer's don't give lazy employees too many chances, so since she can keep a job, she's doing a lot right, and I think you should be VERY PROUD OF HER and I think you need to GET TO A PLACE IN YOUR HEART WHERE YOU ARE ABLE TO EXPRESS YOUR GRATITUDE AND PRICE FOR YOUR GOOD, AND FOR HERS. The mother and child bond is the most important bond that there is honey, and it takes two people to work on a relationship, and that includes you.

Talk to your counselor about how you feel about your Mom, exactly how frustrated you are, and what you'd like to see happen at home. Get the book EAT TO LIVE, by Dr. Joel Fuhrman, and give it to your Mom. Tell her that it comes highly recommended. He has quite a few books, diets to live by and raise your kids by that stave off cancers and disease. I've spoken about it before, Please do it, it costs under $ 20. or get it from the library and ask her to read it. Make a day of it, when you're out shopping, just say "Mom, a friend of mine told me to buy this book and read up on how to stop from getting cancer and disease, through food" Can you buy it for me? Please? Of course it would do you good to read it , but it would do her WONDERS. I promise you. I lost 30 lbs in 2 and 1/2 months without exercise, and with no difficulties. PLANT THE SEED and watch it grow.

Ask your mom to watch documentaries with you on health. You can motivate someone. As you said yourself, maybe you need to do something selfless and get out of your own head, right? Why not take a bit of time and try to help motivate your mom? There could be no better return. If you come from a loving place, then I doubt she will take offense. But I would suggest that you run it by your counselor. It's NOT ABOUT WHAT A PERSON LOOKS LIKE and you need to get across to her that you're not calling her fat. You need to share with your Mom that you are concerned with her diet because you don't want to lose here to heart disease, cancer stroke etc. You want to have a quality of life with her that includes going and doing things. You want her to be around to be a grama to your kids.

Then, you'll have done what you can. You won't have given up on her and just been angry and unforgiving. You'll have dealt with her obesity and lack of exercise like any LOVING INTERVENTION.

I think you should deal with how you feel. and get used to doing so. Get used to speaking up and saying what's on your mind. No one can read your mind.

BE LOVING, BE KIND, BE UNDERSTANDING, BE EDUCATED ON THE ISSUES , AND BE HONEST. ALWAYS.

Do these things and you'll sleep better at night, I promise you.



Avatar_m_tn
by brice1967, Mar 30, 2014
Briefly I would like to comment on the first couple of sentences of Nighthawks regarding anger.  Once we result to anger, the mind begins setting up road blocks that don't allow US to move forward.  As well, anger makes the people we are angry with put up road blocks of their own.  Then you are at one of the most uncomfortable stand stills you could ever imagine.

Please take your time.  Think things out and do it when you have a clear mind.  Great post Nighthawk!

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