Oy.

I swear I'd be so much better if it weren't for this freakin' pain.  Not to say the sleeplessness and anxiety are peachy, but I could deal with those and everything better if it wasn't for the pain.  I swear the pain's makin' the insomnia and anxiety worse too.  I'm making a huge effort to keep my head on here, and I suppose I will win the war in the end....just the battles are tough.

I have never really had what I'd call cravings before, but when the pain's uber bad like now, I question whether or not I'd have the nuts to refrain from consuming a pain killer if I had it....just to lower that level.  Thankfully, this will not be an issue, and even though I did not take the med to get high, it caused many other serious problems that I think would all return.

What's tied for second in the cr*p list as far as pain's concerned, is that getting out and about, which I love and need to do, makes me feel worse physically.. Tuesday's many hours out and about (like 13 or so) is most likely why I feel so badly.  It's tough to feel trapped in your body.  Wednesday, I was highly motivated to do all sorts of things, some of which I had been putting off previously...but I was hurtin' way too badly to do 'em.  I just could not.  My head's still on straight, but if it doesn't let up soon, and go back to a dull roar, I will be in that awful place that's such a downer.  It's such a vicious circle.  After w/d ing from the pain, having gone through all the med did to me, and the w/d, I finally am "me" again, but now I sometimes can't be me because of the pain...which makes my head go round to the funkies again.  I'm hoping that in a few days, I'll be reading this and going, thank GOD THAT let up!  

Until then, I'm tryin' to shake the maracas...if I slip and drop 'em...I will require assistance.  My grip's holdin' for now...