All Journal Entries Journals

What have I done?

Mar 30, 2014 - 1 comments
Tags:

Pregnancy

,

Baby

,

child

,

sex

,

family

,

Life



So, today at church, I almost went crying to my bishop (a church leader) about my lack of pregnancy. I kept thinking over and over again that no one in my family had problems getting pregnant and that I shouldn't have a problem either. I kept thinking what the heck am I doing wrong? What have I done to deserve this? All my life I prepared to be a mother, I watched over children, I went to church, I got married in the temple to a wonderful worthy man, so why am I not blessed with a child yet? I waited to have sex until marriage just as I was taught. I have been yearning for a child for a year and a half and all I have to show for it are two dead babies that didn't make it past the first trimester. You hear so many stories of women in the scriptures, and even women today, who are barren. I cannot even imagine the grief and the burden associated with the absolute knowledge that you can never have children of your own. Of course my husband and I have already talked about that possibility and decided that we would then adopt, but I don't want that to have to be my only option. I saw a month old baby today and thought, why can't I have that? I just want to carry a baby of my own and have a baby of my own. If I could have just one child and have that child be a boy to carry on my husbands name, I would be happy. Children are so precious. I just wish they weren't missing from my life.

Comments
Post a Comment
Avatar_m_tn
by CurioustoLearn, May 07, 2014
I totally understand your situation. Lets start from this: Are we thankful for what we have? For instance, you have been blessed with so many things and have you ever thought whether you deserved all this or just a favor from your Lord. The point I am trying to make is that we very often fail to understand that our Lord is trying us all the time as to how we behave in good and difficult circumstances. Do we ever think that so many of our fellow beings are surviving without even the basic necessities of life, let alone the subjects we are talking about. I would not like to waste your precious time but its important to understand that the only way we can live a happy life is by being extremely thankful for what we have been blessed with. I understand we all have desires but desires should not ruin our lives, if they are fulfilled that is fine and if not, that should be fine too. You know, its very hard to understand all this stuff unless we really want to. What else can I say more? I hope and wish that we all develop the right perception of life and that is the only cure to all our worries. Best wishes to you.


Post a Comment